


Group Chat Shenanigans with the Dorm Leaders

by YeetTheAngels



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: ANGST??? IN MY CHATFIC???, Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Chatting & Messaging, Innuendo, M/M, Multi, Out of Character, also i have no idea when this fic is set in at all, but who cares, canon? dont know her, chatfic, crossover??? i guess????, dammit crewel sensei, dammit lion boy, dark topics, its obv after the prologue but like????, leona did you lay this egg, more likely than you think, not me thats what, personal headcanons, rating changed from t to m cuz of leona, yeah finally adding that tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 55
Words: 33,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24556546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeetTheAngels/pseuds/YeetTheAngels
Summary: In which the dorm leaders (and some others) manage to be absolute disasters
Relationships: Ace Trappola/Deuce Spade/Epel Felmier/Jack Howl/Sebek Zigvolt, Divus Crewel/Dire Crowley, Idia Shroud/Hatsune Miku, Kalim Al-Asim/Jamil Viper, Malleus Draconia/Leona Kingscholar, Rook Hunt/Vil Schoenheit, Ruggie Bucchi/Lilia Vanrouge, Silver/Sebek Zigvolt
Comments: 518
Kudos: 893





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt think id have to make this announcement here, but...  
> This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.  
> The author also only owns all their ocs, except for the ones that they have specifically mentioned to be someone else's ocs. Twisted Wonderland belongs to Disney, not me.

[Night Raven College: Dorm Leader Chat]

[3:41 am]  
[CawCaw added Riddle Rosehearts, leona and 7 others to the chat]  
Fiyero: its 3am  
CawCaw: whoops  
CawCaw: wait why are you up  
Fiyero: why are You up  
CawCaw: bold of you to assume i sleep :)  
Yuu: iTS 3 AM FOR FUCKS SAKE GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

[8:03 am]  
Prince Kali: yooooooo a group chat? wild  
leona: ur not even a prince  
Prince Kali: shhh my sweet summer child  
Prince Kali: do not question prince kali  
Squiggle: uwu  
Fiyero: who the fuck are you  
Squiggle: who tf are _you_  
Fiyero: i asked u first  
Squiggle: i asked u second  
Fabulous: bithc who tf disturbing my beauty regimen  
Squiggle: he started it  
Fiyero: *shakes my fist in your general direction* curse you perry the platypus  
Prince Kali: guys im gonna do it  
Squiggle: what  
Prince Kali: @everyone  
leona: oh fuck off  
Riddle Rosehearts: Laws of the Queen of Hearts, number 69: you shall not ping everyone  
Prince Kali: nice  
Prince Kali: also i aint from ur dorm so u cant behead me haha  
Malleus: 73ifhskfwalgi  
Fiyero: guys i think hes trying to communicate with us  
leona: i misread it as waluigi  
Squiggle: KJGRBBHRJRGJJ  
[Squiggle changed Malleus’s nickname to Waluigi]  
Waluigi: howw ussee  
Fabulous: this gc is a disaster  
leona: like us  
Squiggle: i mean, hes not wrong  
CawCaw: it really makes me happy to see the dorm leaders getting along  
Yuu: riddle’s throwing hands with kalim at this very moment  
Yuu: someone please control the one angry man  
leona: are u selling tickets for the Top Twink Showdown of 2k20  
Fiyero: leona is so fuckign funny  
Yuu: leona for comedy king 2k20  
leona: the one thing i can rule over  
Yuu: ur not just the king of comedy, ur also king of my heart  
leona: o  
Fabulous: you killed him  
Fiyero: *yuu killed him  
Waluigi: this is lilla, malleus is crying because he cant figure out how to text  
Fiyero: lmao boomers wouldnt get it  
leona: hi im leona kingscholar and i have feelings other than rage and depression nnkgwkfekdfk  
Squiggle: ??? lololol  
leona: that was ruggie  
Yuu: trey and jamil are breaking the twink fight up  
Yuu: all hail the dorm mothers  
Fiyero: i dont have a dorm mother  
Fiyero: o shit am i the dorm mom  
Yuu: im the dorm mom out of sheer necessity, the only other choice is grim  
[Prince Kali has added Space Jam to the chat]  
Space Jam: since kalim is unable to take care of himself, i took matters into my own hands  
Squiggle: space jam…  
Prince Kali: HE TOOK MY PHONE  
CawCaw: what a wonderful gc  
Yuu: i can smell the bs from here


	2. Chapter 2

[Night Raven College: Dorm Leader Chat]

[Space Jam added Fwoid and Mushroom to the chat]  
Squiggle: why  
Squiggle: jamil...i trusted you...  
Space Jam: a horrible decision, really  
Space Jam: jade took my phone during basketball practice  
Fwoid: uwu~ sea snake-chan was easily distracted~  
Space Jam: never call me that again  
Prince Kali: owo/  
Fabulous: oh no… the furries… rook, fetch me my fainting couch  
Riddle: he’s not even in this group  
[Fabulous added Shinji Hirako to the chat]  
Fabulous: @Shinji Hirako fetch me my fainting couch, Rook  
leona: bruh  
Shinji Hirako: *fetches fainting couch* your couch, milady  
Fabulous: *lies on fainting couch, fans self*  
leona: get ur rping asses outta here  
Riddle Rosehearts: stop adding people, this is supposed to be the Dorm Leader chat  
[leona added Kokichi Kin to the chat]   
leona: fuck u  
Fiyero: kOKICHI KIN  
Kokichi Kin: shishishi  
Fiyero: get out of here, kinnies  
Mushroom: but what if i kinned mushrooms  
Yuu: wh.. how… why….  
Mushroom: :)  
Fwoid: is it really being a furry when im a merman  
Waluigi: this group chat is lit fam  
Shinji Hirako: who tf is _Waluigi_  
Waluigi: tis i, malleus draconia  
Kokichi Kin: ????????  
Space Jam: *softly* holy shit  
Yuu: leona is choking, i think hes going to die of laughter  
Riddle Rosehearts: this is trey, someone explain why riddle threw his phone at cater, telling him to fix it  
Yuu: scroll up  
Riddle Rosehearts: oh  
Kokichi Kin: im going to DIE  
Prince Kali: jamil is just staring blankly at his phone  
Prince Kali: ebkhwef HE JUST CHUCKED HIS PHONE AT ME JAMIL WHY  
Squiggle: F in the chat lads  
Fiyero: F  
leona: f  
Fabulous: F  
Waluigi: what is this f  
Waluigi: is it hip with the kids nowadays  
Yuu: malleus please stop i think leona’s gonna have a stroke  
Waluigi: good  
Fiyero: why are u with leona :eyes:  
Yuu: uhhhhhh  
Yuu: gotta blast  
Waluigi: you good fam  
Fwoid: im crying  
Mushroom: he is  
Fwoid: shush, mortal  
Mushroom: im your twin brother  
Fwoid: oh shit  
Waluigi: is this radical or what  
Yuu: oh my god leona fell down and he isnt moving i think hes dead  
Kokichi Kin: is the principal in this grp  
Prince Kali: @CawCaw  
Kokichi Kin: @CawCaw my dorm leader is dead, can i take over  
CawCaw: sure lmao  
Kokichi Kin: nice  
Yuu: nvm hes asleep  
Kokichi Kin: dammit  
Riddle Rosehearts: … how  
Kokichi Kin: leona special skill #2: falling asleep in 3 seconds, no matter where he is  
Fiyero: whats skill 1  
Yuu: denying that his feelings exist  
Squiggle: i assume thats a max leveled skill  
Waluigi: am i cool with the kids now  
Yuu: is  
Yuu: is this lilia-san  
Waluigi: …   
Fiyero: oh yeah malleus cant use technology  
Waluigi: hahaha what do you mean, tis is the great malleus draconia  
Squiggle: just  
Squiggle: just join with ur normal acc  
[Waluigi added wiwiwa to the chat]  
wiwiwa: aww yall are no fun  
Fwoid: …  
wiwiwa: one of us has to change


	3. Chapter 3

Usernames (because even Im confused rn):  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom → Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Fwoid → Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[New Additions]  
Jack: ??? ;)

[Night Raven College: Dorm Leader Chat]  
Yuu: can we change the name cuz its obv not just the dorm leaders anymore  
Fwoid: awwww but shrimp-chan~  
[Waluigi changed the chat name to Dom Chat]  
Mushroom: this is a fucking lie azul cant top for shit  
Squiggle: ???? fuck you????  
Mushroom: u cant top tho?  
leona: if u roast him any harder hell be dried octopus  
[Mushroom changed their nickname to Mushroom Man]  
[Fwoid changed their nickname to Lobster Boy]  
Shinji Hirako: ah yes, the thrilling cartoon series, Mushroom Man and Lobster Boy  
Mushroom Man: thats rich coming from you, anime boy  
Space Jam: *cough kalim cant top cough*  
Prince Kali: :(  
wiwiwa: malleus has never had sex, ever  
leona: i beg to differ  
wiwiwa: ????????????????????????? EXCUSE ME, YOUNG MAN  
wiwiwa: DID YOU DEFILE MY SON  
leona: he was the one doing the defiling  
wiwiwa: i know where u sleep  
leona: yeah, so does everyone  
leona: ur not special  
Fiyero: sometimes i think jade is the roast king but then i am reminded of leona’s existence  
leona: i dont want to be reminded of my existence, thanks  
Kokichi Kin: self decrepitating joke of the day, now u cant say anymore or u will be punished  
leona: are u gonna spank me, daddy?  
Fabulous: i- what?  
Kokichi Kin: …  
[Kokichi Kin added Yiff to the chat]  
leona: oh no  
Lobster Boy: YIFF  
Prince Kali: all hail the furry man  
Yiff: What is this group?  
Yuu: hey jack  
Shinji Hirako: jACK????  
leona: ruggie im going to kick ur ass  
Kokichi Kin: not if i use my magic  
Kokichi Kin: @Yiff leona is being depress  
Yiff: Leona-san! If you ever feel like that, please seek professional help!  
leona: lmao imagine going to therapy  
leona: cant be me  
Riddle Rosehearts: +1  
Fiyero: +2  
Space Jam: +10  
Prince Kali: jamil do u want to talk abt ur emotions  
Space Jam: no  
Yuu: i do  
Prince Kali: i know, yuu  
Yuu: im sad  
Prince Kali: i know, yuu  
CawCaw: unfortunately, there is no therapist on campus, but for therapy yall can always go find our janitor!  
Yuu: i thought… i was the janitor  
CawCaw: well ur underage so its illegal for u to be officially employed  
YuuL i thought u didnt care abt the legalities of things  
CawCaw: we have an official janitor  
CawCaw: and he is very good at giving advice  
leona: the last time we talked he told me to slam dunk the sandwich another student was eating  
Fabulous: did u do it tho  
leona: totally  
wiwiwa: @leona look out ur window  
leona: fdjkrKJFENDJKJD  
Fiyero: oh my fucking god he fucking dead


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when will this fic end? no idea tbh

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts

Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa  


[Others]  
Jack: Yiff

[Dom Chat]  
Kokichi Kin: -be me  
Kokichi Kin: -go to wake up leona as usual  
Kokichi Kin: -yell “wake up sleepyhead”  
Kokichi Kin: -someone falls out of the bed  
Kokichi Kin: -its not leona  
Kokichi Kin: -malleus fucking draconia is naked and in leona’s bed  
Kokichi Kin: -leona is equally naked  
Kokichi Kin: -i need one of azuls forgetting potions  
Squiggle: from what u just experienced u can have one for 50% off  
Prince Kali: not free?  
Squiggle: tf do u think i am, some sort of charity  
Prince Kali: tru  
leona: ruggie u fucker u werent supposed to see that  
Kokichi Kin: see what  
Kokichi Kin: ur naked ass?  
Kokichi Kin: please ive seen that too many times already  
Fiyero: i sense a story behind this one  
Fabulous: spill the tea sis  
leona: dont u dare  
Kokichi Kin: leona sleeps in the buff when its summer  
Kokichi Kin: ive seen his bare ass too much  
Yuu: pics or it didnt happen  
leona: ??????? no pics fuck u  
Yuu: i thought u were fucking malleus  
Yuu: oh wait he was the one doing the fucking  
Squiggle: i never thought there would be a day where sass king leona would be overthrown  
Space Jam: this entire convo is unnecessary  
Mushroom Man: do we ever have necessary convos  
Fiyero: wait @Kokichi Kin does this mean uve seen leona’s cb  
Kokichi Kin: lemme just say its t  
Prince Kali: ooh, i sleep naked too!  
Prince Kali: only sometimes tho  
Prince Kali: jamil is strict on “not letting the dorm members of scarabia see ur meat sceptre”  
Space Jam: for the last time, just say dick like the rest of us  
Prince Kali: but jamillllllll  
wiwiwa: im sure that jamil would love to see ur meat sceptre ;)  
Space Jam: its a disappointing sight  
Yuu: … ouch  
Space Jam: hes crying  
Space Jam: i think i broke him  
leona: malleus wants to say that he would win if we were comparing dick sizes  
wiwiwa: SIR THAT IS MY CHILD HE CANNOT SAY THAT  
wiwiwa: MALLEUS PHILOMELA DRACONIA I DIDNT RAISE YOU LIKE THAT  
leona: im teaching him memes  
Fiyero: omg…meme sharing… true love  
Fabulous: true love sounds disgusting and i want no part in it  
Riddle Rosehearts: there is no such thing as love  
Squiggle: who hurt yall  
Riddle Rosehearts: my mother  
Squiggle: ok mood but still  
Yuu: ??? azul is there something u want to tell us  
Lobster Boy: octo boy never tells us anything~ and even tho we basically grew up tgt~  
Fiyero: so its friends to lovers but theyre running a mafia  
Yuu: fish mafia  
Fiyero: my mistake, fish mafia  
Shinji Hirako: are we all going to collectively ignore that malleus’ middle name is philomela  
Mushroom Man: oh no, its hilarious  
Mushroom Man: im laughing so hard right now  
Lobster Boy: this is a LIE  
Lobster Boy: he is Not laughing wnngenenfesnl  
Lobster Boy: i retract my previous statement  
Squiggle: why did jade just tackle floyd  
Mushroom Man: my honour is satisfied  
Yuu: the aztweels ship is sailing  
Riddle Rosehearts: what does aztweels mean  
Yiff: ^  
Yuu: oho, lemme teach u 2 abt shipping  
[Space Jam added Mom of Hearts to the chat]  
Mom of Hearts: You will Not teach Riddle and Jack about shipping  
Yuu: :c  
Yuu: at least the leomal ship is going strong today  
leona: the what  
Yuu: gotta go fast


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of these are my personal hcs, some i took from the wiki  
> :3

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff

[Dom Chat]  
CawCaw: @everyone i think i must remind you guys not to talk about sex in the group chat  
leona: why  
leona: is it because ur not getting any and ur jealous of us  
Yuu: *softly* holy shit  
CawCaw: Excuse You Mr Kingscholar  
leona: am i wrong  
CawCaw: …  
Riddle Rosehearts: To talk like that towards our headmaster is very disrespectful!   
Squiggle: i mean…   
Fiyero: wait azul  
Squiggle: ya  
Fiyero: u trade secrets too, dont you  
Squiggle: maybe  
Fiyero: do you know if the headmaster is seeing anyone  
Squiggle: mayhaps i do know  
Prince Kali: HOLY SHIT FOR REAL?  
leona: now im intrigued  
wiwiwa: oh i know too lol  
Squiggle: shhhhhh let me do my stuff  
wiwiwa: sure, this sounds like its going to be a fun chapter  
Fiyero: a fun what now  
wiwiwa: anyways  
Squiggle: @everyone if you want to know abt the headmaster’s dating life, then in exchange i want a secret/little known fact abt urself from you guys! One secret/fact each :3  
Yuu: sure, why not  
Lobster Boy: ehhhh do we have to?  
Squiggle: you too :)  
Squiggle: now who wants to start :)  
Yuu: ill go  
Yuu: i found a very cute picture under a table at mostro lounge  
Yuu: if you dont want the pic to be put on magicam then you shouldnt ask me abt my secrets  
Squiggle: UNDERSTOOD  
Fabulous: i cant believe the master blackmailer was outblackmailed  
Squiggle: @Fabulous 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸  
Fabulous: hm  
Fabulous: i am allergic to mayo  
Shinji Hirako: hes not, but he once walked in on me doing stuff with a jar of mayo and thats why he says hes allergic to the stuff  
Fabulous: ROOK  
Kokichi Kin: im almost scared to ask what you did with a jar of mayo  
Shinji Hirako: :)  
Kokichi Kin: uhhh anyways  
Kokichi Kin: i guess i dont really have any secrets?   
Yiff: ruggie-senpai i saw u lip synching to pop songs last week  
Kokichi Kin: THEYRE CATCHY  
Yuu: mood  
Fiyero: … i can reveal someone’s google search history if you want a secret?  
Squiggle: ill take ur offer and save it for a later date :) ur exempt from the fact/secret thing that is going on  
Yiff: is the fact that i can snowboard a little known fact  
Squiggle: acceptable  
Riddle Rosehearts: I will not take part in this  
Squiggle: suit urself  
Squiggle: @Mom of Hearts   
Mom of Hearts: fine, ill send you baby pics of riddle later  
Riddle Rosehearts: TREY HOW COULD YOU   
Mom of Hearts: i bet against him  
Mom of Hearts: and i lost  
Yuu: wait guys tsunotarou is typing   
Waluigi: I have a tamagotchi  
wiwiwa: omg,,hes learning how to use a phone,,,   
leona: wasnt hard to teach him that  
Squiggle: whats the name of ur tamagotchi :)  
Waluigi: Gao-Gao Dragon-Kun  
Yuu: thats so cute????  
Prince Kali: +1  
Shinji Hirako: +2  
Mushroom Man: can i reveal the secret ingredient behind the best moisturizer weve ever made  
Squiggle: :) go for it  
Fabulous: suddenly i am very happy  
Yuu: i have a bad feeling abt this one  
Lobster Boy: do we Have to reveal the secret ingredient  
Mushroom Man: quiet, fool  
Mushroom Man: the secret ingredient was Floyd  
Fabulous: ??????  
Squiggle: we wrung him out like a towel  
Fabulous: ARE YOU TELLING ME I PUT FLOYD’S JIZZ ON MY FACE  
Fiyero: why does the convo always go back to sex  
Yuu: because we are just a couple of guys being dudes?  
Squiggle: not jizz, just… bodily fluids?   
Fabulous: PISS?????  
Mushroom Man: more like mucus  
Prince Kali: im going to Die this is so fucking funny  
Prince Kali: also, a little known fact abt myself… im scared of spiders?  
Space Jam: nothing is louder than kalim at 3am, having been woken up by a spider in his bed  
Squiggle: jamil :) any secrets :)  
Space Jam: no  
Space Jam: ok i have one  
Yuu: ooh tell us  
Space Jam: i dislike bugs  
Space Jam: just… touching them grosses me out  
Prince Kali: … you never say anything when i ask you to take the bugs out of my room?  
Space Jam: i have a duty to serve you  
Prince Kali: ;A; jamil u gotta tell me abt these things,,, im going over to hug you  
Space Jam: affection? Disgusting  
Squiggle: i think thats everyone  
Squiggle: everyone except…  
leona: no  
Kokichi Kin: leona has a hobby of croskjgrjgjngsnnrsnlrfdkl/sedw  
leona: die  
Yiff: please dont kill ruggie-senpai  
Squiggle: i know leona’s secret but i want it to be widely known  
Waluigi: its crsknnlgre  
leona: no   
wiwiwa: do not touch my son  
Kokichi Kin: FREEDOM  
Kokichi Kin: LEONA CROSSDRESSES  
leona: DIE  
Yuu: id pay to see leona in a dress  
Yiff: leona-senpai, you dont need to be embarrassed by your hobby!  
Prince Kali: i wanna try crossdressing too  
Space Jam: even if i say no, ur just gonna do it anyways  
Fabulous: ur not alone, ive crossdressed for my fans before  
leona: its different  
leona: i wont say why tho  
leona: maybe someday in the future  
Yuu: take ur time  
Squiggle: i think thats everyone  
CawCaw: will you reconsider this  
Squiggle: ahahahahahaha  
Squiggle: No  
Squiggle: drumroll, please  
Lobster Boy: *starts banging on the drums*  
[Squiggle added Pet Owner to the chat]  
Kokichi Kin: that is… a very… interesting name choice  
Yuu: is that-  
Pet Owner: hello, puppies  
CawCaw: ah  
Pet Owner: and _Crowley_  
CawCaw: *chuckles* im in danger  
Pet Owner: azul was keeping me updated on everything  
Squiggle: :)  
Pet Owner: as expected of my best student  
CawCaw: how much trouble am i in  
Pet Owner: you’ve been a very bad boy, dire  
Pet Owner: i’ll see you tonight, 9pm sharp  
[Pet Owner left the chat]  
Prince Kali: ok jesus christ i dont know whats going on here  
Prince Kali: bUT YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO TALK TO US ABT NOT TALKING ABT SEX, HEADMASTER  
Space Jam: …   
Space Jam: which one of you showed kalim Twisted  
Space Jam: now hes never going to stop singing those songs  
Lobster Boy: otter-chan, starkid night in the octavinelle dorms tonight  
Prince Kali: HELL YEAH  
Space Jam: it cant be helped… ill have to go with you to ensure you wont cause trouble for them  
Yuu: movie night in octavinelle yall  
Squiggle: who invited you  
Yuu: * waves photo around threateningly*  
Squiggle: i stand corrected, you are ofc invited


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *casually inserts my other fandoms into the mix*  
> also fairy tail sucks ass dont @ me

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: ??? :)

[Dom Chat]  
Yuu: deuce and ace are talking abt how weird it is for the headmaster to not show up at all today and im trying so hard to hold back the knowledge  
Mom of Hearts: do not corrupt my dorm members   
Yuu: jack i can see you  
Yuu: u look like ur gonna have a stroke  
Kokichi Kin: for real lmao  
Yiff: I dont look like that  
Yuu: sure  
Kokichi Kin: @CawCaw was the dick too good  
Squiggle: holy shit  
Riddle Rosehearts: You can’t just ASK HIM  
Kokichi Kin: why not  
Riddle Rosehearts: he’s our HEADMASTER  
leona: maybe he should start acting like one  
Prince Kali: damn that burn #sasskingleona  
Yuu: wait   
Yuu: @Fabulous @ Shinji Hirako epel wants to be added   
Fabulous: *sighs dramatically* let him in  
[Yuu added Joepel Jofelmier to the chat]  
Joepel Jofelmier: i, joepel jofelmier have a dream, and it is to be FUCKING RIPPED AF YALL  
[Fabulous kicked Joepel Jofelmier from the chat]  
Fabulous: we dont accept people with shit anime taste here  
Shinji Hirako: vil u like fairy tail u literally cant talk shit abt jojo  
[Yuu added Joepel Jofelmier to the chat]  
Joepel Jofelmier: c:  
Yiff: jojo is Not a shit anime you take that back  
Fabulous: what are u gonna do, furry  
Yiff: brb  
Joepel Jofelmier: he just ran off  
Joepel Jofelmier: get fucked  
Prince Kali: whats jojo  
Space Jam: NO DONT TELL HIM  
Yuu: is pomefiore just weebs  
Fiyero: bold of u to assume im not a weeb as well  
CawCaw: *coughs* anyways  
CawCaw: new notices are up today  
leona: how was the dickening  
Riddle Rosehearts: I give up  
Prince Kali: anyone at the notice board yet  
wiwiwa: here  
wiwiwa: owo whats this? this years drama production has been announced?  
Fabulous: what we doing  
wiwiwa: twisted  
Lobster Boy: ehhh~ isnt otter-chan the one who is responsible for this?~  
Prince Kali: *sweats nervously*  
Space Jam: did you change it  
Prince Kali: maybe  
Mom of Hearts: jamil do you need aspirin   
Space Jam: i need a wall to bang my head against  
Yuu: kin  
Fabulous: MY COUCH HAS FUR ALL OVER IT  
Fabulous: EVEN MY LINT ROLLERS ARE COVERED WITH IT  
Joepel Jofelmier: thats what u get for saying jojo is shit


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 new chapters in 1 day? while im ignoring my other works? i am just wildin

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]  
Prince Kali: just a reminder that auditions are today!!! :3  
Prince Kali: i think ruggie will make a good aladdin lol  
Kokichi Kin: ehh~ really?  
Kokichi Kin: i might just check it out  
Yuu: kalim if u cast jamil as jafar im-  
Prince Kali: nah hes the princess  
Space Jam: ???? kalim ur not supposed to tell them stuff  
Prince Kali: ahahaha, relax, jamil :D  
Prince Kali: its a joke!  
Fabulous: is the princess pretty, just like me  
leona: shes an airhead, just like you  
Prince Kali: leona! U watched twisted???  
Leona: mmh  
Fiyero: he doesnt strike me as the type to watch sth like that  
Kokichi Kin: was it cheka :3  
Waluigi: who is this cheka  
Yuu: malleus, are u.. Jealous  
Waluigi: no  
leona: dumbass  
leona: chekas my _nephew_  
Waluigi: oh  
leona: put ur phone down, idiot  
Joepel Jofelmier: uh, guys  
Joepel Jofelmier: is anyone on the 3rd floor, the corridors nearest to the grassy pitch  
Riddle Rosehearts: I’m on the third floor. Is there something you need, Felmier?  
Joepel Jofelmier: look out  
Riddle Rosehearts: ?  
Riddle Rosehearts: OH  
Fabulous: ??  
Riddle Rosehearts: 2-C is having their flying lesson  
Fiyero: 2-C…?  
Prince Kali: WHAT WAS THAT  
Yuu: HOLY FUCK   
Yuu: a blur just blew past us  
Yuu: what the FUCK was that  
Kokichi Kin: wait i see the thing  
Kokichi Kin: its headed for the greenhouses  
Kokichi Kin: SHIT, LEONA  
CawCaw: oh dear  
Lobster Boy: holy fuck that was a huge crash  
Mushroom Man: :)  
Mushroom Man: what a sight  
Yuu: what Was that thing  
Mushroom Man: that was azul  
Prince Kali: wait wut  
Mushroom Man: i followed the broom to the greenhouses, only to find an unconscious azul in a tree, and nearby was leona and malleus in a very compromising position  
Fiyero: are their pants down  
Mushroom Man: ufufufu  
Mushroom Man: yes  
Space Jam: so thats where azul ended up  
Space Jam: im sure Vargas-sensei will be happy to know azuls still alive  
CawCaw: nothing like an almost suicide attempt to bring people together  
Yuu: they were together before azul did a nyoom  
CawCaw: shh


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so uh... would yall like to see some twst ocs that arent the mc?   
> (theyll make an appearance next chapter if yall do want to see em, if not then theyll stay as off "screen" characters (only name dropping/referred to by the canon characters)

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]  
Yuu: can i yell abt sth  
Squiggle: whats the tea, sis  
Yuu: can deuce and ace stop making heart eyes at each other  
Yuu: i feel like im in a romcom and im the comic relief  
Yiff: no thats epel  
Joepel Jofelmier: hey fuck you  
Fabulous: _such uncouth language!_ Rook, my fainting couch! I must lay upon it as i simply cannot handle this travesty!  
Shinji Hirako: *fetches fainting couch* this is slave labour  
Fabulous: so u finally admit that ur my slave  
Shinji Hirako: wait no-  
Yuu: ANYWAYS  
Yuu: every time they fight i feel like the sexual tension gets worse  
Yiff: epel is holding me in a chokehold  
Yiff: well hes trying  
Yiff: if i stand up he will be lifted off the ground completely and i dont think i can do that to him  
Squiggle: from here it looks like a newborn kitten is trying to wrestle a husky  
Yuu: both aces and deuces roommates have begged me to help them resolve the sexual tension help-  
Mom of Hearts: oh yeah, ive received so many reports of them  
Mom of Hearts: its gotten to the point where we have a special code for deuace incidents  
Yuu: tell us the code, magic man  
Mom of Hearts: Code: Ace of Spades  
Yuu: wow that was mildly disappointing  
Mom of Hearts: we never said we were good at names  
Yuu: ok so i have a plan  
Yuu: @Prince Kali do u have a magic carpet  
Prince Kali: yep i sure do!  
Space Jam: kalim that is a national treasure you Cannot just lend it to others  
Prince Kali: well its _my_ national treasure and i can do what i want with it  
Space Jam: .  
Space Jam: just what am i going to do with you…  
Yuu: i probably shouldnt borrow it then  
Prince Kali: dont worry abt jamil, u can borrow that carpet anytime!  
Yuu: oh uh thanks  
leona: who did this  
Kokichi Kin: shishishi  
leona: fuck you  
Fiyero: what did he do  
leona: replaced all my clothes with dresses  
leona: how did u get my sizes  
Kokichi Kin: leona i literally sew ur clothes back together and i do ur personal shopping, i even know what brand of underwear u wear  
Waluigi: yeah, no brand because he doesn't wear underwear  
Kokichi Kin: well he wears them _sometimes_  
leona: can we stop talking abt my underwear preferences  
leona: im going to go out naked  
leona: u cant make me wear a dress  
Kokichi Kin: wait what  
Lobster Boy: aww lionfish-chan~ u cant do that  
Lobster Boy: the teachers will stop u lol  
Yuu: are you… speaking from personal experience  
Mushroom Man: he is  
Mushroom Man: when we first came on land, there was a period of time when floyd refused to wear human clothes, especially pants  
Lobster Boy: clothes are stupid :p  
Prince Kali: oh i remember that time lol  
leona: fuck it im going out like this  
Yuu: omw to savanaclaw rn  
Waluigi: +1  
wiwiwa: MALLEUS NO  
wiwiwa: do not be tempted by the dingus  
Squiggle: d-dingus?  
Mushroom Man: adds to list of “weird names others have said when referring to the penis”  
Fiyero: u have a list…?  
Mushroom Man: ofc i do  
Mushroom Man: my personal favourites are “yogurt slinger” and “sex pistol”  
Yuu: sex pistol…  
Yuu: also I CAN SEE HIS DINGUS NOW  
Yiff: LEONA-SAN WHY  
Joepel Jofelmier: wow hes hung like a horse  
leona: neigh  
Kokichi Kin: i give up  
Kokichi Kin: if he wants to go naked to class he can just go  
leona: i mean i dont mind  
leona: saves me the trouble of wearing clothes in general  
Yiff: Leona-san… please put on some clothes  
leona: no i dont think i will  
leona: the breeze feels very nice around my privates  
Waluigi: leona stop flashing the first years  
leona: make me  
Yuu: top 10 phrases that indicate sexual tension  
Joepel Jofelmier: ace and deuce say at least 8/10 of those phrases  
Riddle Rosehearts: LEONA KINGSCHOLAR WHY ARE YOU NAKED  
leona: try adn fuckign catch me,, losersss  
Fabulous: i never thought one day i would see leona streaking across the campus grounds, chased after by malleus, riddle and crewel-sensei  
Squiggle: ok ive never seen crewel-sensei without his coat but… damn  
CawCaw: >:( That is my Husband leave him alone  
Fiyero: headmaster: crewel-sensei is my husband  
me: HUSBAND???  
Squiggle: since when  
CawCaw: since yesterday  
Yuu: me, softly: what the fuck  
Kokichi Kin: so the dick really _was_ that good


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter contains my ocs,,, pwease like them

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Yuu: hey so uh  
Yuu: remember the flying carpet  
Space Jam: i wish i didnt  
Yuu: ace and deuce are probably in the savanaclaw dorms  
Yuu: i have no idea where the carpet is  
Prince Kali: oh dont worry, its a really smart carpet!  
Prince Kali: its gonna come back here real soon, so u dont need to worry at all  
Yuu: oh thank god  
Kokichi Kin: so thats what the crash was?   
Yuu: can someone please go see if theyre alive  
Yiff: i’ll go  
Yuu: jack u r a blessing upon this earth  
Fiyero: so what was ur plan anyways  
Yuu: ace, deuce, magic carpet ride under the moonlit skies  
Yuu: except i didnt take in the fact that neither of them could steer the carpet  
Yiff: theyre both alive and very soggy  
Yiff: fell into a watering hole in the forest area  
Kokichi Kin: we have a watering hole there?  
Yiff: …  
Yiff: im getting them out of the water and hightailing the heck out of here oh fhidsj  
Yuu: ???? JACK DONT DIE  
Yiff: there is Something in the shadows mdfrwejdk  
Kokichi Kin: wtf is there a monster or sth  
Fiyero: omfg he fucking dead  
Joepel Jofelmier: rip jack, now i can finally be the jock of the grp  
Yiff: iefsndfsinfkls  
Yuu: JACK!!! COME BACK, JACK!!!!!!!!!  
Waluigi: someone explain why yuu is now singing some weird song  
Waluigi: and furiously typing on their phone  
Yuu: AND I KNOWWWWW THAT MY HEART WILLLLLLLLLL  
Yuu: GO ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN  
Yiff: what is this gc  
Prince Kali: oh my god the monster can communicate  
Yiff: rude  
Yiff: wolf boy disturbed my alone time and i get called a monster? fucking unreal  
Fiyero: then who tf are u  
Yiff: im fresh meat lmao  
Kokichi Kin: o shit its one of our firsties  
Kokichi Kin: can u like… give those 3 back  
Yiff: if they were dumb enough to fall into my territory, then why should i give them back  
Yuu: hey they may be dumb but theyre my dumbasses  
Yiff: but what if they dont want to come back :)  
Mushroom Man: lmao imagine having trouble with ur own dorm members  
Mushroom Man: cant be us  
Riddle Rosehearts: +1  
Kokichi Kin: o shit sdkjfdjkdfwk3q  
Fiyero: oh my god he got ruggie  
Kokichi Kin: im not DEAD  
Kokichi Kin: @Space Jam CONTROL UR COUSIN  
Space Jam: busy  
Kokichi Kin: HOW ARE U BUSY ITS 10PM  
Space Jam: heyyyyy its kalimmm, jamil is busy doing shtuff  
Yuu: i think i know what stuff they be doing…  
Kokichi Kin: FUKC  
Waluigi: what is going on  
Lobster Boy: single braincell gang + remora-chan has been kidnapped~  
Waluigi: oh  
Waluigi: @leona   
leona: _fine_  
Yiff: fuck  
Kokichi Kin: I HAVE BEEN FREED  
Yiff: that was unpleasant, im bringing Ace of Spades back  
Mom of Hearts: thanks  
Joepel Jofelmier: dammit hes not dead yet  
Yiff: try harder next time  
leona: problem solved  
leona: come back to bed, mal  
Yuu: :eyes:  
leona: wait this isnt dms

[Friends in High Places]  
Eyes Emoji: lmao that was fun  
Llamas?: what did u do lmao  
Eyes Emoji; fuck with ppl  
Eyes Emoji: did u know the dorm leaders have a gc  
Whirlpool: ya  
Whirlpool: ive “borrowed” azuls phone before  
Llamas?: stealing from ur brother? no dignity  
Whirlpool: like u havent stole anything  
Llamas?: actually, no  
Llamas?: why steal when my uncle can just get it for me  
Eyes Emoji: we dont all have an uncle who runs a fuckign mystery shop, ylfrit  
Llamas?: well we dont all have connections with the wealthiest family in land of hot sands, kanna  
Eyes Emoji: we are literally their slaves  
Eyes Emoji: at least im not the one who is going to inherit the fish mafia (cough coriolis cough)   
Whirlpool: its not the fish mafia  
Whirlpool: and bold of u to assume im going to give up my rockstar career to live a life of crime  
Eyes Emoji: with the way ur brother is making them deals i dont think u have a choice  
Whirlpool: fuck  
Llamas?: didnt ur brother assign u a guard too lol  
Whirlpool: ekman sucks ass  
Whirlpool: if he really was as good as azul says he is, then how was i able to sneak out to perform at the charity gala last week  
Eyes Emoji: u only got out because crewel-sensei likes ur band and u bribed him with special limited time merch  
Whirlpool: silence, fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heehee bit of bonus oc info here  
> coriolis: azul's younger brother, is lead singer in a band (but keeps it a secret from most ppl) [based on morgana, ursula's sister in the little mermaid 2]  
> kanna: jamil's cousin, his family also serves kalim's family [based on kaa from the jungle book]  
> ylfrit: sam's nephew, is great with potions [based on yzma from the emperor's new groove]


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter confused me when i was writing it so be prepared to be extremely confuesd as u r reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT (20/6/20): I DIDNT KNOW LEONA HAD A CANON FLOYD NICKNAME IM SO SORRY LEONA I HAVE FAILED U  
> AS A LEONA STAN, IM SO FUCKIGN SORRY   
> BUT HOW TF WAS I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THAT FLOYD CALLED HIM SEA LION AND NOT STH LIKE LIONFISH

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts (vil)  
Leona: leona (epel)  
Azul: Squiggle (lilia)  
Kalim: Prince Kali (jamil)  
Vil: Fabulous (rook)  
Idia: Fiyero (no change)  
Malleus: Waluigi (leona)  
The Player: Yuu (no change)  
Crowley: CawCaw (crewel)

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts (ruggie)  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin (malleus)  
Jade: Mushroom Man (trey)  
Floyd: Lobster Boy (azul)  
Jamil: Space Jam (kalim)  
Rook: Shinji Hirako (jade)  
Lilia: wiwiwa (floyd)

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff (riddle)  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier (jack)

[Dom Chat]

CawCaw: @everyone the exam schedule is out :)  
Prince Kali: so soon??  
Space Jam: its november  
Prince Kali: still too soon ;A;  
Fiyero: as always, im sending in my papers online  
CawCaw: will u ever interact with humans normally  
Fiyero: no  
Yuu: guys guess what  
Joepel Jofelmier: what did ace and deuce do again  
Yuu: grim fucked their potion up  
Kokichi Kin: that beast finally does sth good for once  
Joepel Jofelmier: wait whats tha  
Yuu: oh shit what is that thing  
Fiyero: what thing  
Yuu: the cloud of pink mist  
Fiyero: ???  
CawCaw: annaoop  
Fiyero: u are the HEADMASTER  
Fiyero: act like one and care for ur students  
CawCaw: lol nope

{1 hour later}

Waluigi: what the hell  
Lobster Boy: oh fuck  
Mushroom Man: I don’t really see what’s so bad about this  
Lobster Boy: thats easy for u to say???  
Fabulous: i cant believe monsieur schemer and monsieur joyous offender are arguing  
Lobster Boy: oh no im not floyd  
Lobster Boy: its me  
Waluigi: who is “me”  
Lobster Boy: azul  
Riddle Rosehearts: im gonna mcfucking lose it  
Yuu: RIDDLE SAID FUCK  
Riddle Rosehearts: why am i so SHORT  
Riddle Rosehearts: also im vil, not riddle  
Yuu: ok im confused, who is who  
Riddle Rosehearts: like i said, im vil  
Waluigi: leona  
Mom of Hearts: shishishi u swapped with ur bf  
Lobster Boy: is this what it feels like to be 191 cm (im azul  
Space Jam: ayyyyyyyyyyy im kalim  
Waluigi: we can tell  
Yuu: jamil’s face is moving weirdly  
Yuu: its a weirdly genuine smile  
Yuu: jamil in kalim’s body looks like hes about to commit a crime  
Prince Kali: if i stab myself, will i die or kalim die  
Fiyero: good question  
Yiff: I feel tall  
Yiff: Felmier, why are you looking at me like that?  
Joepel Jofelmier: if this is what epel sees when he looks at me, i think i can understand why he wants to kill me  
Yiff: Oh, you are Howl…  
leona: IM SO TALL AND BUFF THIS IS AMAZING  
leona: IM GOING TO GO CLIMB A TREE  
Waluigi: no dont  
wiwiwa: eh~ im so close to the ground~ ray-chan is really short~  
Squiggle: wow azul ur blind as fuck without ur glasses (also dont call me short floyd  
Lobster Boy: rude  
Kokichi Kin: i’m malleus  
Kokichi Kin: ruggie had some interesting pages open on his phone so i read a bit  
Kokichi Kin: what is a homestuck  
Waluigi: ruggie im going to kill you  
Yuu: leona ur making a real terrifying face  
Yuu: leona plz stop scaring sebek  
Mushroom Man: i can hear the wakasama from here (im trey btw)  
Yiff: Nevertheless, this is really weird  
Yiff: Ace and Deuce still haven't realised that I'm actually their dorm leader rn  
Yiff: They’ve also switched with each other  
Yuu: omg riddle  
Yuu: “i think ur dorm leader is so short” -jack (riddle) to ace and deuce  
Yuu: now the 2 idiots are complaining abt riddle  
Yiff: Let's test something  
leona: I CAN CLIMB  
leona: IM GOING TO SCALE THE COLLEGE BUILDING  
Joepel Jofelmier: this was a mistake  
Yiff: Great news, our unique magics followed us  
Yuu: ace and deuce were certainly surprised when jack yelled “off with ur heads” and memed on them  
Fabulous: lit af  
Riddle Rosehearts: Did it not occur to them that others would have switched too  
Mushroom Man: no because they dont have braincells  
Waluigi: im going to mess with sebek  
wiwiwa: do it, ill deny everything for u sea lion-chan~  
CawCaw: a cure’s been made  
Fiyero: is the principal actually useful for once????  
CawCaw: come to the alchemy labs once you all are done messing with others, puppies  
Fiyero: ah  
Waluigi: u had high expectations for our principal? Wild  
leona: IM ON THE ROOF, MOTHERFUCKERS


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe yall liked my ocs, here have some more of the 3 of em causing chaos *sobs because yall like my ocs and im weak for yalls love*

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier  
Coriolis Ashengrotto: Whirlpool  
Kanna Melodia: Eyes Emoji  
Yifrit Drow: Llamas?

[Friends In High Places]  
Llamas?: @Whirlpool did u get it  
Whirlpool: ofc i did, who do u think i am  
Whirlpool: he wont even suspect me until its too late  
Eyes Emoji: eyyy 

[Dom Chat]  
Mushroom Man: this is azul, which one of yall took my phone  
leona: why would we do that  
Mushroom Man: important files are on that phone  
Fabulous: even if we didnt take it, why should we help u find ur phone  
Mushroom Man: the file with the ingredients for the moisturizer is on it  
Mushroom Man: do u want the whole world to know u smeared floyd’s mucus on ur face  
Fabulous: suddenly i am very motivated to find ur phone  
Fabulous: rook, go fetch  
Shinji Hirako: is this payback for the body swap incident  
Fabulous: YOU DIDNT USE MAKEUP SEALANT  
Fabulous: THE MAKEUP STARTED RUNNING  
Fabulous: AND I HAD TO FIX IT FOR YOU  
Fabulous: NOW HALF THE SCHOOL THINKS RIDDLE AND I ARE IN SOME SORT OF SECRET RELATIONSHIP  
Fabulous: TREY IS OUT FOR MY BLOOD  
Mom of Hearts: :)  
Fabulous: I SAID I WAS SORRY  
Riddle Rosehearts: Half the school thinks what now-  
Mom of Hearts: ill make u more strawberry tarts if u go back to ignoring the chat  
Riddle Rosehearts: Oh ok  
Space Jam: lmao i know where ur phone is  
Mushroom Man: jamil what do u want in return  
Space Jam: nah i think ill sit and watch the chaos unfold  
Space Jam: they look ready to meme  
Fiyero: “they” ??????  
Prince Kali: ohhhh they took it  
Mushroom Man: WHO IS THEY  
[Squiggle added Whirlpool, Eyes Emoji and Llamas? to the chat]  
Mushroom Man: CORIOLIS   
Whirlpool: ur phone thief wasnt floyd, it was me, coriolis!  
Joepel Jofelmier: we are friends now  
Whirlpool: ok :)  
Lobster Boy: azul u thought i stole ur phone??? ;A;  
Yuu: who are yall  
Eyes Emoji: u guys called me a monster 2 days ago, now u dont remember me? :(  
Kokichi Kin: ITS YOU  
leona: tbh it was pretty funny  
Eyes Emoji: thanks, dorm leader  
Llamas?: this is so wild lmao  
Yuu: just tell us who yall are  
Yuu: simply  
Llamas?: im yifrit drow, 1C  
Eyes Emoji: kanna melodia, 1A  
Whirlpool: coriolis ashengrotto, 1C~  
Fabulous: ashengrotto? :eyes:  
Mushroom Man: he is unfortunately my brother  
Whirlpool: what do u mean unfortunate :(  
Mushroom Man: give me back my phone  
Squiggle: no  
leona: cant say i dont understand him  
leona: the sole reason for doing a certain thing is to piss ur older brother off  
Mushroom Man: oh stfu leona  
Eyes Emoji: is it always like this in this chat  
Prince Kali: ya  
Eyes Emoji: wow   
Eyes Emoji: hi, master kalim  
Prince Kali: :p dont call me master,,,   
Eyes Emoji: im sure ud rather my cousin call u that  
Space Jam: what  
Prince Kali: *sweats nervously*  
Space Jam: kalim stop speedwalking away from me  
Prince Kali: ndfnnk  
Llamas?: just watched kalim trip and fall into a fountain  
Llamas?: wack  
Fabulous: @Llamas? ur one of my dorm members, yea?  
Llamas?: mmh  
Llamas?: oh and i saw the files  
Fabulous: fuck  
Fiyero: ok this is funny and all but why are yall doing this  
Eyes Emoji: because we have nothing better to do  
Whirlpool: im also holding azuls phone hostage unless he calls off ekman, kelvin and rossby  
Llamas?: theres 3 of them now??  
Shinji Hirako: lmao azul what did u do now  
Mushroom Man: did you not like ur bodyguards  
Whirlpool: i dont need bodyguards  
Mushroom Man: nonsense  
Whirlpool: see this is why i dont like u  
Mushroom Man: u need the protection  
Whirlpool: its not my fault ur running the fish mafia  
Mushroom Man: look just give me back my phone and we can discuss the bodyguard issue  
Whirlpool: catch me urself, octopussy  
Yuu: *eats popcorn*  
Waluigi: pass the popcorn  
Yuu: *passes popcorn*  
Llamas?: welp coriolis just took off running  
Space Jam: why is he going back inside  
Space Jam: OH FUCK, THE CARPET  
Space Jam: and i’d just dry cleaned it yesterday  
Yuu: JAMIL U CANT JUST SAY FUCK LIKE THAT  
Mushroom Man: CORIOLIS YOU COME DOWN FROM THE CARPET  
Whirlpool: make me  
Whirlpool: wait what are you doing with floyd lkdsfjewfwngbekf  
Riddle Rosehearts: Why did I just see Azul use Floyd as a javelin and shoot someone out of the sky?  
wiwiwa: sibling rivalry  
leona: big mood  
Eyes Emoji: this was fun, lets never do this again  
Llamas?: agreed  
Squiggle: FINALLY  
[Squiggle removed Whirlpool, Eyes Emoji and Llamas? from the chat]  
Squiggle: bye losers  
Yuu: yeet


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as a birthday treat im indulging in more world building, take this boy band that i created :)  
> are they plot important? mayhaps  
> but will i tell yall if they are? no

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]  
Prince Kali: do u think if we serenade crewel-sensei we might get a higher score on the tests  
Squiggle: only if ur lethe  
Kokichi Kin: u mean lethe from venus’ comb?  
Fabulous: oh, so crewel-sensei likes that type of music  
Fabulous: should have known  
Yuu: im confused  
Joepel Jofelmier: sometimes i forget ur not from around here  
Fabulous: Venus’ Comb is _the_ most popular band  
Fabulous: they have 5 members: lead singer lethe, guitarist acheron, phlegethon on keyboard, cocytus with bass, and styx as backup vocals and other stuff  
Yuu: what music do they play?  
Fiyero: oh, mostly rock songs, sometimes metal  
Fiyero: theyre great  
Squiggle: the real identity of their members are also a big mystery, as they may have magicam accounts, but they dont have anything that points to their real identities  
Squiggle: the most we’ve determined from their posts is theyre all students, as they all go radio silent during exam times and post more actively during the summer, and at least one of them is a merman  
Fabulous: how can u even tell if one of them’s a mer  
Squiggle: in cocytus’ post last july, there was a jar of scale cream on the table in the bg, which is only found in the Airy Market and is marketed specifically towards merfolk who constantly use potions to change their tail fins (the cream makes ur scales shine and helps with scale growth). All members, when performing, have human legs, which makes me think one of them must be a prodigy potion maker, as their estimated ages are about 15-16, and the transformation potion isn’t taught until one has passed their 3rd year of college (its too dangerous otherwise). Either that, or one of them has a potion maker as a relative.  
Yuu: wow  
Kokichi Kin: i didnt peg u for a vc fan  
Squiggle: im not  
Squiggle: but their identities are a mystery i must solve  
Prince Kali: their songs are all bops! i like listening to them when im doing my hw  
Space Jam: u mean when u bug me to help u with ur hw  
Prince Kali: shhhh dont expose me  
Prince Kali: back to my question tho  
Fiyero: ur better off actually studying  
Prince Kali: ok but like… could i give him merch?  
Fiyero: i would never bribe a teacher like that  
Fabulous: i saw u feed Lucius with expensive kitty treats so u could be excused from the flying finals  
Fiyero: THE SUNLIGHT BURNS ME, OK  
CawCaw: bribery won’t work lmao  
Fabulous: *hisses*  
Space Jam: sometimes i forget that the headmaster is in this gc  
CawCaw: divus wants me to tell yall that hes already got all his merch signed by all the members of vc just to prevent yall from bribing him  
Prince Kali: how much merch does he have  
CawCaw: enough to make me feel weirded out  
Fabulous: then that must be a lot of merch  
Squiggle: _HOW_  
Squiggle: what kind of connections does he have to get all his merch signed  
CawCaw: good ones lmao  
leona: cant yall shut up for 5 mins  
leona: im busy doing stuff  
Waluigi: im stuff ;)  
wiwiwa: MALLEUS  
wiwiwa: where did i go wrong with raising you…   
wiwiwa: i have FAILED in my duty as a parent…   
Riddle Rosehearts: IT IS 1 AM  
Riddle Rosehearts: WHY AREN’T YOU GUYS SLEEPING EXAMS ARE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW  
leona: im doing stuff ;)  
Squiggle: i thought u were the stuff, u bottom  
leona: takes one to know one  
Yuu: sass king leona strikes again, but at what cost  
Mom of Hearts: guys yall better sleep before riddle physically appears in ur room to make u sleep  
Yuu: o shit


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in a day?? what is this madness???   
> actually its just my birthday and i had too much time on my hands lol  
> (its still the same day in my timezone now shhhhhhhhhhhh

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Joepel Jofelmier: i usually dont care abt him  
Joepel Jofelmier: but has anyone seen vil today  
Yuu: is there anyone is his class here  
Mom of Hearts: hes the only one in 3C  
Mom of Hearts: i can ask cater if he knows anything  
Mom of Hearts: what club is he even in  
Joepel Jofelmier: “movie appreciation club”  
Joepel Jofelmier: dammit i want to tag everyone but i dont have perms  
Prince Kali: i gotchu  
Prince Kali: @everyone is there anyone here in the same club as vil  
leona: no  
Fiyero: im pretty sure vil is the only one here thats in the movie appreciation club  
Fiyero: haha lonely bich  
Fiyero: i say, even as i realise i too am a lonely bich  
Squiggle: this is odd, vil is usually a great student and goes to all his classes  
Squiggle: has anyone seen rook, then?  
Shinji Hirako: im here  
wiwiwa: have u seen vil then lol  
Shinji Hirako: … yes  
Joepel Jofelmier: what is with the …  
Shinji Hirako: i thought nothing could be worse than the wolf fur incident  
Shinji Hirako: but this is so much worse  
Yiff: i will not apologise for the fur (he deserved it  
Yiff: but now i want to know whats happened to vil  
Shinji Hirako: i dont want to talk about it  
leona: now im curious  
leona: whats so scary that even _rook_ , of all people doesnt want to talk abt it  
Shinji Hirako: i wont say it  
Prince Kali: give up, give in  
Lobster Boy: even if u dont me n jade will just find out later~  
Shinji Hirako: fine  
Shinji Hirako: so picture this  
Shinji Hirako: its 7:45am, and roi de poison usually is already on campus   
Shinji Hirako: instead, he hasnt left his room since last night  
Shinji Hirako: so as vice dorm, i go check on him  
Shinji Hirako: i open the door and ask “roi de poison, are u ok”  
Shinji Hirako: and this is what i see  
Shinji Hirako: vil, hair a mess, barely any makeup, eye twitching like a maniac, holding a pair of gardening shears in one hand and an electric razor in his other hand  
Shinji Hirako: in front of him, the twins silas and amos, tied up with red ropes, mewling like newborn kits  
Shinji Hirako: all 3 turn to look at me at the same time  
Shinji Hirako: so i did what anyone would do  
Shinji Hirako: i closed the door and ran for it  
Joepel Jofelmier: omfg  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ another pair of twins~  
Squiggle: theyre the cat burglars from pomefiore, and by that i meant they are actual cats who _steal every single thing they can get their paws on_  
Joepel Jofelmier: they stole my lunch once  
Yiff: i was gonna say no one deserves vil’s mania but now uve convinced me to not care abt them  
Yiff: no one steals my friends’ lunches  
Joepel Jofelmier: im still going to murder u  
Fiyero: u speak as if u actually are familiar with vil  
Yiff: he lives next door, ofc i know him. we grew up tgt  
Yuu: wh  
Prince Kali: wait ur not from afterglow savannah?  
leona: no hes not  
leona: u know who unfortunately is?  
leona: rook  
Fiyero: _what the fuck_  
Mom of Hearts: ive been to afterglow once and i almost got heatstroke within the first 15 mins how is rook’s pale ass from there  
Shinji Hirako: my father is a diplomat so i was rarely there lol  
Shinji Hirako: we travelled around a lot  
Shinji Hirako: also in anticipation of yalls questions, yes ive seen roi de leon as a kid  
leona: dont u dare  
Kokichi Kin: omg,, do u have pics  
Shinji Hirako: yes >:)  
Fiyero: ok back to the topic of jack and vil being from the same town??  
Mom of Hearts: cater too  
Riddle Rosehearts: What kind of town has this much weirdness in it?  
Joepel Jofelmier: jack tell us stories of kid vil i need blackmail  
Yiff: he was a bratty kid and he didnt like mud or bugs so none of the boys played with him  
Yiff: girls didnt want to play with him either because he was a boy  
Yiff: so i was the only one who played with him  
Mushroom Man: *takes notes* ah yes, backstory  
Mushroom Man: or as i like to call it  
Mushroom Man: potential blackmail  
Yiff: usually us playing consisted of him throwing a stick and me catching it, then running back so he could throw it again  
Joepel Jofelmier: are u sure ur not a dog  
Yiff: >:(  
Yiff: but like, hes my friend even if he doesnt want to admit it sometimes  
Yuu: *cough* a boy and his dog  
Yiff: oh Come On

[PM between Waluigi and Shinji Hirako]  
Waluigi: how much will you sell those photos of kid leona for  
Shinji Hirako: i knew ud dm me, roi de dragon~ ;)  
Shinji Hirako: now lets discuss prices…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silas and Amos, who are loosely based on the siamese cats from lady and the tramp, belong to @pen_guinie on tumblr, twitter and insta!! (ill mention them again in future chapters- keep an eye out!)  
> i just loveeeeeeeeeeee the kitties,,they stole the most important thing of mine,,,,my heart <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THREE CHAPTERS IN A DAY??? wow im really indulging myself with this  
> happy birthday to me teehee

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Joepel Jofelmier: @Yiff look to ur right  
Yiff: holy-  
Space Jam: ?  
Joepel Jofelmier: wait this isnt the scooby gang  
Waluigi: what is a scooby gang  
Joepel Jofelmier: idk yuu gave us that name  
Yuu: its a classic cartoon from where im from  
Yuu: theres 5 characters: the scaredy cat, the smart one, the normal one, the pretty one, and their dog  
Yuu: they solve mysteries together  
Fiyero: i assume jack is the dog  
Yiff: No  
Yiff: im the normal one  
Yiff: grim’s the dog  
Space Jam: just what did you see  
Space Jam: i need answers  
Yiff: the kitty twins are HALF BALD  
Shinji Hirako: oh yeah i saw them  
Shinji Hirako: vil really went off like that huh  
Yiff: their poor ears are so..devoid of fur  
Joepel Jofelmier: theyre crying  
Joepel Jofelmier: but like, i saw them swipe someone’s wallet 2 mins ago while using their crying as a cover so-  
Kokichi Kin: holy fuck  
Kokichi Kin: remind me to never go near vil ever again  
leona: ^ same  
Waluigi: dont worry ill protect u  
leona: >:0 i dont need ur protection  
Waluigi: i know, but i still want to do it :)  
Squiggle: we! get! it! you! guys! love! each! other!  
Fiyero: ughhh there are so many couples in this chat  
Prince Kali: we have couples other than leona and malleus?  
Yuu: cough jalim, aztweels cough  
Squiggle: what  
Yuu: also the love triangle between jack vil and epel  
Yiff: what  
Joepel Jofelmier: i dont??? Like jack like that???  
Joepel Jofelmier: my one true love is working out #gymlyfe  
Prince Kali: whats jalim  
Space Jam: …  
Space Jam: no one tell him  
Prince Kali: but i wanna knowwwwwww  
Yuu: so jalim is  
Space Jam: dont  
Yuu: NEVERMIND ITS NOT IMPORTANT  
Yuu: jamil is totally not holding a knife to my throat rn  
Squiggle: im sorry hes what now  
Prince Kali: JAMIL NO  
Space Jam: darn  
Fabulous: h  
Shinji Hirako: oh heyyy vil  
Yiff: cool hes alive  
leona: im issuing an order for all beastmen dorm members of savanaclaw to not go near vil unless they want to be shaved  
Space Jam: understandable have a nice day  
Shinji Hirako: vil?  
Fabulous: i have seen the abyss and it has waved back at me  
Shinji Hirako: okay hes out of it  
Shinji Hirako: brb  
Yiff: oh no  
Fiyero: why oh no  
Yiff: the only way to break vil out of a funk is to shock him  
Waluigi: physically, or…  
Yiff: I MEANT MENTAL NOT PHYSICAL MALLEUS-SENPAI PLEASE DONT KILL VIL  
Yiff: HE MAY BE OBNOXIOUS BUT HES MY CHILDHOOD BESTIE  
Waluigi: i was just going to send sebek to yell at him  
leona: thats worse than actual physical lightning  
Shinji Hirako: :) jack could u lead vil over here  
Yuu: oh my god what are you wearing  
Shinji Hirako: >:)  
Joepel Jofelmier: MY EYES  
Waluigi: … yeah that will shock vil for sure  
Prince Kali: where are yall i wanna see  
Riddle Rosehearts: WHAT THE HELL, HUNT????  
Shinji Hirako: :3c  
Mom of Hearts: my god what is this  
Lobster Boy: ooh that looks colourful~  
Squiggle: floyd if u ever wear that i will murder you  
Mushroom Man: same  
Yuu: floyd if u wear that i dont care abt magic, i will kill u with my bare hands  
Lobster Boy: :O shrimp-chan is threatening me? how cute~  
Yiff: @Shinji Hirako im leading vil over  
wiwiwa: this is the best show ive seen in years  
Shinji Hirako: >:D  
Yuu: andddd he sees the monstrosity  
Yuu: oh boy  
Yuu: hes gone feral  
Yuu: vil just tackled rook to the ground and is ripping his clothes off him  
Yuu: if i didnt know any better id say vil was…  
Joepel Jofelmier: ~( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)~  
Fiyero: someone describe rook’s outfit  
Yiff: neon orange shirt that says “my dick is down there ;)”, khakis, giant pink bow on his head, pink feather boa, and the worst part of all: platform crocs with latex toe socks  
Kokichi Kin: ok thats just horrible  
leona: he looks like my brother the morning after his bachelor party  
Fiyero: i think rook would look better naked just saying-  
CawCaw: kids, could yall stop being horny for 5 mins  
Waluigi: but I can't change who I am, headmaster  
Waluigi: I was born with these horns, how can i stop being horny?  
CawCaw: wait no-  
leona: hes learning how to sass… im so proud of u, mal  
Waluigi: :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: its kalim's bday, i should have more kalim content in this chapter  
> ch: MILD ANGST  
> me: ...at least kalim's involved?  
> also im slowly figuring out a timeline for this, be patient

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Prince Kali: EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRR  
Squiggle: just in this group, i counted 13 mental breakdowns, 5 physically ill from stress, and someone’s magic went berserk and formed a tulpa that tried to eat leona  
Kokichi Kin: IT WAS A STRESSFUL TIME, OKAY  
Kokichi Kin: SO WHAT IF I STRESS EAT AND MY MAGIC DECIDED LEONA WAS TASTY  
Yiff: it took malleus-senpai to pry you off from leona  
Kokichi: STILL  
Squiggle: ive profited so much from the pathetic students~  
Riddle Rosehearts: how do we know floyd isnt jade’s tulpa from too much stress as vice dorm leader of octavinelle  
Mushroom Man: riddle are u ok  
Lobster Boy: are u ok riddle~  
Mom of Hearts: riddle please open the door ive got tarts  
Squiggle: riddle was one of a select few who stressed themselves too much that they still havent recovered  
Yuu: ah  
wiwiwa: the exams werent that hard :3c  
Shinji Hirako: that because ur OLD  
wiwiwa: come here and fight me, bowl head  
Fabulous: *wheezes* bowl head…   
Shinji Hirako: when can i change out of this dress  
Fabulous: give it a few more weeks  
Fabulous: i might have forgiven you by then  
Shinji Hirako: is it too late to transfer to savanaclaw  
leona: i dont want u here  
Shinji Hirako: damn ;(  
Shinji Hirako: @Yuu  
Yuu: no  
Shinji Hirako: pretty please?~  
Yuu: as much as i want someone other than grim in “my” dorm, i would prefer vil not try to poison my food because his vice dorm leader transferred to my dorm  
Prince Kali: aw dont worry, jamil can help u taste test ur food  
Space Jam: no, not doing that  
Prince Kali: ah well, i could ask someone else to do it for yuu :)  
Yuu: an angel…   
Fiyero: kalim, how did u get into ncr, ur too pure  
Prince Kali: oh i wanted to join jamil so my parents asked crowley to let me in!  
wiwiwa: by ask, u mean bribe  
Kokichi Kin: rich people…  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ no wonder otter-chan showed up a few days after term started~  
Mushroom Man: kalim doesnt… really embody scarabia’s values…   
Mushroom Man: how did you convince the mirror to let you into scarabia?  
Prince Kali: mirror?  
Prince Kali: i dijegjr;ewnefk  
Fiyero: kalim????  
Fiyero: oh my gods hes dead  
Yuu: i think i can guess as to what happened  
Waluigi: by all means, tell us  
Yuu: kalim was never meant to be a nrc student  
Yuu: but since jamil received an invitation, kalim wanted to join him at nrc  
Yuu: and his parents bribed crowley to let kalim in as a transfer student, directly placing him in scarabia without using the mirror test so he would be near his bodyguard/aide/protector/mother figure, aka jamil  
Mom of Hearts: im sorry what was that last one  
Yuu: and thats why kalim’s here at nrc even if hes a pure angel  
leona: damn  
Squiggle: jamil, is this true  
Space Jam: …   
Space Jam: i cant tell you guys  
Yuu: 90% true, if it wasnt he would have denied it  
Prince Kali: ehh whats so bad abt them knowing, jamil?  
Prince Kali: sure i wasnt actually sorted into scarabia, but its not that bad  
Space Jam: idiot  
Space Jam: what do you think would happen if this got out?  
Space Jam: ur dorm members could argue that u were unfit to be a leader, because u were NEVER SORTED INTO SCARABIA IN THE FIRST PLACE  
Space Jam: im not going to talk to you until u realise what a horrendously stupid mistake youve made  
Prince Kali: eh??!!!! jamil u cant just do that!!!  
Yuu: f for jamil’s sanity  
Fiyero: f  
Mom of Hearts: f  
Mushroom Man: F  
leona: its not like it really matter what dorm ur sorted in  
leona: transferring dorms is possible, after all  
Squiggle: …  
leona: u mad  
Squiggle: very  
leona: ha, suck it loser  
Joepel Jofelmier: whats the tea  
leona: hes salty that coriolis is in my dorm  
Yuu: wait i thought… coriolis was… in octavinelle?  
leona: he transferred out after a week of octavinelle  
leona: hes my dorm’s pet octopus now  
Fiyero: that sounded… mildly wrong  
leona: i mean hes basically the baby of the dorm now  
Squiggle: he is a conniving bastard  
leona: hes tiny and cute  
leona: hes babey  
Waluigi: lilia lets have takoyaki for dinner tonight  
leona: dumbass, are u jealous again?  
Waluigi: no  
wiwiwa: he is, hes pouting while hugging his pillow  
Waluigi: get out of my room  
wiwiwa: lol no  
leona: coriolis’s dating kanna and ylfrit, dummy  
Waluigi: oh  
Yuu: at the same time?  
Mushroom Man: its pretty normal for merpeople to take 2-3 lovers at the same time  
Lobster Boy: humans call it “polyamory” but its just natural to us~  
Mushroom Man: merpeople usually take more lovers because to us, it means more protection for future offspring  
Mushroom Man: the sea is a dangerous place, after all  
Lobster Boy: jade and i were the only ones of our swarm to survive~  
Mushroom Man: such a pity, we could have been septuplets, maybe even octuplets  
Riddle Rosehearts: 7 floyds and a jade…  
Shinji Hirako: thats one mental image i dont want to have  
Squiggle: will u ever give coriolis back to octavinelle   
leona: hes my cub now  
leona: im gonna make him call me big brother  
Squiggle: im going to rip ur tail off  
leona: do it octopussy  
leona: i have full access to ur childhood stories  
Squiggle: so do jade and floyd, ur not special  
leona: coriolis wants to talk to u  
leona: hold on  
Fiyero: :eyes:  
Joepel Jofelmier: :eyes: :tea:  
leona: when azul was 6 he ate one of our parent’s eggs  
leona: he thought he ate our unborn sibling and cried abt it for several weeks  
Squiggle: IT WASNT EVEN FERTILIZED   
leona: yeah but u didnt know that when u were 6  
leona: ok im back and wow azul u really did that lol  
Yuu: merpeople just… commit casual cannibalism  
Mushroom Man: its a fish eat fish world here  
Mushroom Man: we have no qualms about running mostro lounge, a seafood restaurant   
Yiff: ah…   
Joepel Jofelmier: well the next time i eat roe ill think abt azul  
Prince Kali: ive learned more abt merpeople biology today than ive ever did in class  
Space Jam: thats because u dont pay attention in class  
Prince Kali: how would u know  
Space Jam: silver told me  
Prince Kali: dammit silver  
Prince Kali: also jamillll  
Space Jam: _what_  
Prince Kali: ur talking to me when u said u wouldnt  
Space Jam: …  
Space Jam: GOODBYE


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS A TIMELINE AND MY GOD IS IT NOT CANON AT ALL

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

wiwiwa: cant believe tmr is the winter hols already  
wiwiwa: what yalls plans owo  
Fiyero: idk just staying at school and gaming  
Yuu: i literally have no where else to go  
CawCaw: :3  
Yuu: fuck u for saddling us with the fire spirits  
CawCaw: >:3  
leona: im going back  
Waluigi: oh?  
Waluigi: u promised to stay  
leona: farena said there was urgent business >:(  
Waluigi: aw  
leona: ill call you everyday  
Waluigi: it wont be the same :(  
Yuu: the more u two talk the more diabetes i get  
Fabulous: +1  
Yiff: if the headmaster hadnt asked you to deal with the fire spirits, i would have invited you to my home  
Yuu: :0c  
Fabulous: real shit  
Fabulous: the winter views are beautiful back home  
Yiff: but not as beautiful as you  
Fabulous: but not as beautiful as me  
Fabulous: _hey_  
Shinji Hirako: anything going on between u two :eyes:  
Fabulous: nah he just knows me too well  
Yiff: the perks of being ur childhood friend  
Squiggle: the sea’s frozen over  
Squiggle: we could go home, but it just sucks swimming through ice  
Lobster Boy: one time azul hit his head on an iceberg  
Squiggle: it was ONE TIME  
Mushroom Man: the mostro lounge will still be open for business, we will post our updated hours on our website later :)  
Riddle Rosehearts: …  
Mom of Hearts: riddle, my house is always open to you  
wiwiwa: awwww  
Kokichi Kin: ill be going home, as usual  
Kokichi Kin: gotta provide for the kids, yknow  
Fiyero: wait kids?  
leona: he means the neighbourhood kids  
Kokichi Kin: i grew up in a poor neighbourhood, so every time theres a school hol i buy out the cafeteria and bring some good food back for the others  
Yuu: can i call u mom  
Lobster Boy: eh~ why mom~  
Yuu: he basically is leonas mom  
leona: stfu  
wiwiwa: ok ruggies been typing for a while   
Kokichi Kin: yes i do the cooking, yes i do the cleaning-  
Fiyero: fkjdgwrif  
Fabulous: ew a twistock thot  
Kokichi Kin: thats rich coming from u, QueenPoison23  
Fabulous: HOW DID YOU-  
Shinji Hirako: lol ur in so many twistock compilations on magitube  
Fiyero: #bringbacktwine  
wiwiwa: #twineisdead  
Fiyero: how Dare you  
Lobster Boy: twistock is fun but twine was better~  
Squiggle: bold of u to assume i have anything but a Chirpee acc  
Mushroom Man: he has whirlr  
Squiggle: shhhhhh  
Yuu: not to be that dude, but has anyone seen kalim and jamil?  
Fiyero: hmm  
Fiyero: even if jamil isnt online, kalim usually is  
Kokichi Kin: weve got ourselves a mystery, folks!  
Yuu: gotta get ourselves to sabararabinia  
Yuu: wait  
Joepel Jofelmier: SABARARABINIA  
Yuu: scabababaraina  
Yuu: scandinavia  
Yuu: dammit i cant spell   
Mushroom Man: the amazing caw caw college  
Fiyero: _caw caw college im dying_  
leona: ah yes, the 7 dorms: heartsabybyulul, savanna ooh na na, octoeels, sabararabinia, pompom, ig, and dragonpeen  
Yuu: i dont know if i should be insulted that im not in there or relived  
leona: ur dorm is obv boom shakalaka   
Waluigi: why is it dragonpeen  
Waluigi: oh.  
leona: would u rather i called it baddragon  
leona: DragonsandFaeRUs  
Waluigi: ok youve proved your point  
Space Jam: so this is what i return to  
Squiggle: everything alright, jamil :)  
Space Jam: kalim and i are staying behind for the holidays  
Fiyero: o… kay?  
Fiyero: welp hes offline again  
wiwiwa: suspicious  
leona: maybe theyre just fucking, who knows  
Waluigi: maybe you need to come to bed  
leona: omw :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twistock: tiktok  
> twine: vine  
> chirpee: twitter  
> whirlr: tumblr  
> and ofc magitube is just youtube  
> (tbh thanks to the twst discord im in for helping me with ideas


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so u may notice..this chapter is a bit shorter  
> its because i wanted to get this chapter out early because its dedicated to moedango :)  
> thank you for all ur comments on this fic!! i hope to see u again once ur school ends for the year!!!!

Usernames:

Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
The Player: Yuu  
Jamil: Space Jam

[I overblotted and all i got was this stupid groupchat]

[Yuu added Space Jam to the group]  
leona: ah  
Riddle Rosehearts: You too, huh.  
Squiggle: uwu  
Space Jam: ..whats this grp  
Yuu: vent grp  
Yuu: rules: no shaming, no judging, dark humour allowed but only once per day  
Space Jam: i see  
Yuu: so… do you want to talk about it  
Space Jam: a little  
Space Jam: im sick of looking after kalim  
Space Jam: im so fucking tired of everything  
Space Jam: also ur little stunt of streaming that? ill be immediately beheaded once i get back to the land of hot sands  
Squiggle: i apologise  
Squiggle: in retrospect, we went a bit over the top  
Squiggle: if u really are going to be beheaded, ill give u a potion that can turn u into a mer so u can stay in the coral sea  
leona: yknow what u can just come here  
leona: at least ill get some use out of my title of prince and grant u sanctuary  
Squiggle: ok fine i cant top that  
leona: lets see those rich fogies from hot sands try to argue against the word of the second prince of afterglow savannah  
Space Jam: ...thanks  
Riddle Rosehearts: There is no shame in sharing your experiences here  
leona: so how abt u, riddle  
Riddle Rosehearts: Over the holidays, i… finally talked to my mother  
Yuu: you ok?  
Riddle Rosehearts: Trey and Che’nya were with me  
Riddle Rosehearts: It did not end well  
Riddle Rosehearts: I’m staying with trey right now  
Riddle Rosehearts: his parents are… nice  
Squiggle: thats good to hear  
leona: azul, coriolis wants to talk to you when ur free  
Squiggle: really?  
leona: no, but he needs this  
leona: also u need to actually apologise for nearly stopping one of his hearts  
leona: and cutting his leg off  
Space Jam: wait what do u mean “one” of his hearts  
Space Jam: also, you cut his leg off??  
Squiggle: octopi merpeople have 2 hearts  
Squiggle: and he can just regrow his leg, its fine  
Yuu: u get used to the casual dismemberment eventually  
Yuu: more importantly, do you feel better now jamil?  
Space Jam: yknow what, i do feel a bit better  
leona: now we can move on to our next topic  
leona: PLACE UR BETS: POMEFIORE, IGNIHYDE OR DIASOMNIA  
Squiggle: 500 madol on ignihyde, idia  
Riddle Rosehearts: As much as i disapprove of this, you guys will just do it no matter what  
Riddle Rosehearts: 250 on diasomnia, silver  
Space Jam: are u guys… betting on whos going to overblot next  
Yuu: it started off as a joke between me and leona and it just escalated from there  
leona: yuu’s the bookkeeper  
Yuu: even if u dont get the person right, if u get the dorm right u get half ur money back  
leona: 1000 on pomefiore, vil  
Space Jam: …  
Space Jam: 500 on pomefiore, rook


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> o-owo *sweats nervously*

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Squiggle: which one of u taught floyd how to sing that song  
Squiggle: hes been singing a parody version of that’s amore for 2 hours now  
Lobster Boy: when the eel bites ur thigh and u bleed out and die  
Lobster Boy: thats a moray!~~  
Squiggle: s t o p  
Prince Kali: *sweats nervously*  
Squiggle: y o u  
Prince Kali: :3  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ its a fun song tho~  
CawCaw: ok naughty children, settle down  
CawCaw: there will be a delegation of RSA students coming over to NRC around the end of this school term  
CawCaw: please control urselves and ur dorm members so that no one will be nearly killed this time  
Yuu: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THIS TIME  
Joepel Jofelmier: ok i want to know too  
Space Jam: sigh  
Prince Kali: lmaooooo that one  
Shinji Hirako: last year, someone insulted one of the pre-kids by calling him old and wrinkled  
Yuu: ok before u keep telling the story, explain what a pre-kid is  
Riddle Rosehearts: Pre-kids are the students who come to Night Raven half a year early for special reasons, whether it be learning disabilities or some other reason.  
Fabulous: oh yes, the llama incident  
Yuu: … i think i can guess which student this concerns  
Shinji Hirako: after a few hours of watching as the prince of K'iino' floundered around, the rsa students finally figured out that yes, that was prince manco, and yes, a certain pre-kid had indeed turned him into a llama  
Shinji Hirako: since we were in the cafeteria for lunch, a food fight was quickly declared and fought  
Riddle Rosehearts: I still haven’t forgiven whoever animated the roast chickens to fight using kung fu  
Mushroom Man: oops  
Fabulous: someone flung mashed potatoes in my hair  
Fabulous: i still felt dirty weeks later  
Space Jam: whoever gave kalim the idea to “sound the drums of war” needs to be murdered  
Space Jam: the ceremonial drums that were _240000 madol_ each were all stained with gravy  
Space Jam: we had to buy new ones  
Fiyero: well the one to blame for the worst part would be azul  
Squiggle: i didnt do anything that bad  
Waluigi: you rapid fired the frozen treats with your octopi arms, causing prince rielle to crash into prince manco (who was still a llama), nearly killing them both and causing the second international incident of the day  
Squiggle: not my proudest moment  
Yuu: im almost afraid to ask what the first international incident was  
Yiff: ^  
Fabulous: there was this prince who went around calling all the pretty people maidens  
Fabulous: it was fine until he saw leona from the back and thought he was… a maiden  
Kokichi Kin: HIM  
Kokichi Kin: I WAS THERE  
Kokichi Kin: he had the weirdest puffy sleeves and talked weird  
Kokichi Kin: wasnt a Bad prince tho  
Waluigi: oh yes. I remember prince edward.  
Waluigi: leona got him good  
Lobster Boy: speaking of sea lion-chan~  
Lobster Boy: is sea lion-chan sleeping?~ its unusual for him to never chime in to a convo~  
Shinji Hirako: hes not  
Kokichi Kin: rook get off the roof, i can see you  
Shinji Hirako: fuck  
Shinji Hirako: also, hes pacing like a trapped lion lol  
Waluigi: >:p

[PM between Waluigi and leona]  
Waluigi: leo, are you ok?  
Waluigi: leo?  
Waluigi: please talk to me  
Waluigi: please  
leona: lets break up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prince edward belongs to DC_FTW on discord (sorry but u didnt give me ur social medias n stuff) and is based on prince edward from enchanted (oc version is such a himbo and i love him  
> prince rielle is canon (mentioned in ch 3)  
> prince manco belongs to me! as you can probably tell, hes based on prince kuzco (duh  
> ...so are yall gonna kill me for that cliffhanger?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> owo,,,  
> (also i wanted to say im so full of love for everyone whos joined my discord <3

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Yuu: HOLY FUCK @CawCaw CONTROL UR STUDENTS FOR ONCE IN UR LIFE  
Joepel Jofelmier: AHHHHHHHH  
Space Jam: wha  
Yuu: LEONA AND LILIA ARE FIGHTING IN THE COURTYARD  
Yuu: SOMETHING ABT LEONA DOING STH TO MALLEUS  
Squiggle: cant be abt taking his virginity, he already did that  
Prince Kali: did lilia just throw a tree?  
Yuu: KALIM WATCH OUT  
Mom of Hearts: oh my god is kalim alright  
Joepel Jofelmier: jamil saved him!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Joepel Jofelmier: theyre on the ground and theyre talking  
Joepel Jofelmier: anddddd theyre kissing passionately  
Yuu: #jalimiscanon  
Yiff: someone explain why kanna just threw his phone, yelling “FINALLY”  
Yuu: jack,,,,,jalim is canon now  
Yiff: finally  
Squiggle: theyve been dancing around each other for AGES  
Fabulous: is this why ylfrit knocked the table over during our etiquette lesson just now  
Shinji Hirako: nah i think he just hates etiquette lessons  
Fiyero: um, leona and lilia are _still_ fighting  
Fiyero: someone needs to stop those 2 before they destroy nrc  
Yuu: wait is that  
Yuu: RUGGIE WHAT THE FUCK  
Riddle Rosehearts: Oh no  
Fiyero: what  
Yuu: RUGGIE IS RUNNING OUT TOWARDS THEM  
Yuu: SOMEONE STOP HIM  
Fiyero: sometimes i regret not coming to class  
Fiyero: so i cant see the bs that actually goes on  
Fiyero: is anyone alive  
Prince Kali: hi im alive!!  
Mom of Hearts: hi alive, im trey  
Prince Kali: good one!  
Space Jam: that was horrible  
Prince Kali: the kiss, or…  
Space Jam: the joke, obv  
Space Jam: the kiss was… fine  
Prince Kali: :D  
Fiyero: ok but like  
Fiyero: what happened with ruggie  
Yuu: hes alive  
Yuu: he used his unique magic on them to stop the fight  
Yuu: yelled at them to sit down and talk it out like civilized people  
Yuu: and passed out  
Yuu: leona left to go somewhere else  
Yuu: lilias carrying ruggie away  
CawCaw: it all worked out in the end :)  
wiwiwa: fuck u  
Prince Kali: so what was that all abt  
wiwiwa: ill tell yall later  
wiwiwa: rn i gotta get this silly hyena to the infirmary

[PM between leona and Waluigi]  
leona: mal can you open the door  
leona: i know ur reading my messages, i can see that u left me on read  
leona: i know ur still mad at me  
leona: but at that time i genuinely thought it was the only option  
leona: and im sorry  
leona: … youre not gonna open your door, are you  
leona: well  
leona: you know where to find me  
leona: …  
leona: see ya, malleus  
…  
…  
Waluigi: leona?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehehehehe  
> egg

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Fiyero: winter break: ends  
Fiyero: me: when’s spring break  
Yuu: its tmr  
Fiyero: me, realising that ive been dissociating for several weeks already: oh  
Yuu: mood  
Yuu: it feels like only yesterday i was transported here  
Yuu: and grim tried to take my clothes off  
Yiff: what  
Yuu: ANYWAYS  
Yuu: what yall doing for spring break  
Fiyero: dissociate more  
Lobster Boy: we r gonna go home~  
wiwiwa: go to halloween town  
Shinji Hirako: bruhhh halloween town?  
wiwiwa: haha im old enough and ur not  
Yuu: whats that  
wiwiwa: its party city  
wiwiwa: im gonna go get wastedddd  
wiwiwa: plus i know the owner of “oogie boogie” personally  
Fiyero: oberon ba’al?  
wiwiwa: is there any other?  
Fabulous: i didnt know what i was expecting from u, but ofc u know him  
Squiggle: so do i :)  
Fabulous: … ok, that i wasnt expecting at all  
Squiggle: i know everyone who matters in halloween town :)  
Mom of Hearts: we get it, u run the fish mafia  
Yuu: so…halloween town is basically vegas  
Squiggle: whats vegas  
Yuu: party town with lots of casinos  
wiwiwa: sounds fun  
Kokichi Kin: IM ALIVE  
wiwiwa: that was a stupid thing u did  
Kokichi Kin: yeah but no one died  
Yuu: RUGGIE UR ALIVE  
Kokichi Kin: *finger guns* ey  
Kokichi Kin: did my stupid plan work?  
wiwiwa: no, theyve been avoiding each other for the past week  
Kokichi Kin: dammit  
Fiyero: “they”?  
Mushroom Man: who is “they” :)  
Kokichi Kin: uh, yknow  
wiwiwa: its _those two_  
wiwiwa: why do u think i fought leona  
Kokichi Kin: they broke up and now we r trying to get them to FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR ONCE  
Yuu: THEY BROKE UP????? NOOOOOOOOOOOO  
Yiff: no wonder i havent been seeing leona-san around at all  
Yiff: hes moping  
wiwiwa: so is malleus  
wiwiwa: my baby boy is experiencing heartbreak…  
CawCaw: ahem  
Yuu: oh look, its a useless character  
CawCaw: are you forgetting that i pay for ur stay  
Yuu: ill just mooch off kalim if u dont  
Prince Kali: sure  
Space Jam: … fine  
Prince Kali: :D  
CawCaw: anyways  
CawCaw: theres a huge storm on the horizon  
CawCaw: you guys might not get to go on spring break :P  
CawCaw: storms interfere with the mirrors so we cant very well send yall through them  
wiwiwa: welp  
wiwiwa: ill just go to halloween town some other time  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ i was looking forward to going home~  
Mushroom Man: it cant be helped  
Mushroom Man: we’ll just stay here until the storm passes  
Kokichi Kin: jkfdssdfnlk  
Yuu: ?  
Kokichi Kin: nothing

[PM between Kokichi Kin and leona]  
Kokichi Kin: LEONA OPEN THE DOOR I SAW THAT  
leona: YOU SAW NOTHING  
Kokichi Kin: YES I DID  
Kokichi Kin: WHAT HAVE U BEEN HIDING IN UR ROOM  
leona: promise not to laugh  
Kokichi Kin: o… kay?  
[leona sent a picture]  
Kokichi Kin: is  
Kokichi Kin: is that an egg  
Kokichi Kin: an egg the size of 2 basketballs  
Kokichi Kin: a _pale green egg_  
leona: … maybe  
Kokichi Kin: LEONA DID YOU LAY THIS EGG  
leona: TF DO YOU THINK, RUGGIE  
Kokichi Kin: ok we cant keep texting lemme in  
leona: fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oberon ba'al is one of my twst ocs and hes based on oogie boogie (duh). he runs a casino but also has some shady dealings :3  
> mwahahaha egg time


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i think at this point yall know who is who, plus this chapter is...a bit different from the previous ones  
> uwu

[PM between wiwiwa and Waluigi]  
wiwiwa: please just talk to him  
Waluigi: no  
wiwiwa: malleus philomela draconia  
Waluigi: u cant make me do anything  
wiwiwa: i Raised you  
wiwiwa: i am ur Father  
wiwiwa: and i say you Need to talk to him before the storm hits and we r cut off from the other dorms  
Waluigi: i refuse  
wiwiwa: why must you infuriate me so

[PM between Kokichi Kin and leona]  
Kokichi Kin: leonaaaaa  
leona: what  
Kokichi Kin: where are you  
leona: out  
Kokichi Kin: the storm is closing in????  
leona: i know  
Kokichi Kin: leona please dont do anything stupid  
Kokichi Kin: wait  
Kokichi Kin: WHERES THE EGG  
leona: with me  
Kokichi Kin: LEONA NO  
[leona sent a picture]  
Kokichi Kin: GET BACK HERE THE EGG IS NOT SAFE IN THE STORM

[PM between Kokichi Kin and wiwiwa]  
Kokichi Kin: i have every reason to believe that my dorm leader is headed ur way  
Kokichi Kin: hello?  
Kokichi Kin: you here?  
wiwiwa: fhdsfk yea sorry  
wiwiwa: ur warning came… a little late  
wiwiwa: cuz of the storm  
Kokichi Kin: oh no  
wiwiwa: ur dorm leader’s already here  
wiwiwa: showed up at our doorstep, completely soaked  
wiwiwa: the common room is gonna smell like wet cat for weeks  
Kokichi Kin: lilia  
Kokichi Kin: wheres the… yknow  
wiwiwa: the what  
Kokichi Kin: the EGG  
wiwiwa: we put it with malleus  
Kokichi Kin: oh thank god i thought yall lost it  
wiwiwa: gave us quite a shock  
wiwiwa: malleus is still refusing to talk to leona but hes staring at the egg in wonder  
wiwiwa: leona’s drying off in one of the bathrooms  
Kokichi Kin: throw the wet towels in sebek’s room lol  
wiwiwa: that sounds fun, ill do it later  
wiwiwa: omfg malleus just looked at me and said “im not ready to be a dad”  
Kokichi Kin: what  
Kokichi Kin: are u implying the egg is actually their… love child  
wiwiwa: yep  
Kokichi Kin: but How  
wiwiwa: magicccccccccccccc  
wiwiwa: anyways u owe me a favour for putting up with ur dumbass dorm leader  
Kokichi Kin: i dont have anything to offer u  
wiwiwa: why dont u treat me to lunch once the storm’s over  
Kokichi Kin: a  
Kokichi Kin: are u asking me to take u out on a date  
wiwiwa: ;)

[PM between leona and Waluigi]  
leona: ur still not talking to me, yeah?  
leona: at least give me my egg back  
Waluigi: “your” egg?  
leona: oh so _now_ you reply  
leona: we bonded, its my egg  
Waluigi: i think youll find that its “our” egg  
leona:  
Waluigi: wait what are you doin

[PM between Kokichi Kin and wiwiwa]  
wiwiwa: oh fuck what was that  
Kokichi Kin: ?  
wiwiwa: im  
wiwiwa: leona broke malleus’ bedroom door down while screaming “U GOT ME PREGNANT??? BITCH U BETTER TAKE CARE OF THIS KID WITH ME”  
wiwiwa: i can hear sebek screaming  
Kokichi Kin: sigh  
Kokichi Kin: u can give me the bill for repairs when i take you out for lunch  
wiwiwa: i think a second date will cover those expenses ;)  
Kokichi Kin: kjegrjkr;wfjkd  
Kokichi Kin: how are u so smooth  
wiwiwa: its my natural charm

[*bangs trays together* i aint got no sleep cuz of yall]  
wiwiwa: sjkhrkgewjfnkjefne;fwknj glwrjenwke hes so cute  
Catering: lol  
Prince Kali: aww u finally asked him  
wiwiwa: sorta  
wiwiwa: once the storm’s over we r going on a date  
Catering: nice  
Prince Kali: good luck!!  
Catering: are u gonna rehearse the date like 23957084835309 times  
wiwiwa: still less than the time u spend on magicam  
Catering: tru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slides in ruggie x lilia in an attempt to make yall like it*   
> is it working


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the idiot gang finally appear in the fic!!!  
> *slides my 1st year polycule ship over* psst. wanna ship these idiots together?  
> also i finally address the issue that Everyone's been talking abt: how did the egg fit  
> the answer is fae magic now shush

Usernames:  
The Player: Yuu  
Ace: Hart  
Deuce: Deuce  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier  
Sebek: Wakasama

[The Scooby Gang]

Wakasama: i am Disgusted  
Joepel Jofelmier: are u revolted  
Yuu: did u dedicate ur entire life to ur lord and saviour malleus and this was the thanks u got  
Wakasama: stfu  
Wakasama: that… lion bastard broke Malleus-sama’s door  
Wakasama: i just peeked inside and they are now  
Wakasama: _cuddling_  
Yuu: LEOMAL IS CANON AGAIN WOOOOOOOOOO  
Yiff: *toots party horn*  
Joepel Jofelmier: *gets whapped by party horn* oh it is On  
Hart: at least they werent fucking  
Hart: *starts blowing on 2 party horns to the tune of Final Countdown*  
Deuce: ace stop tooting ur horns >:(  
Hart: make me ;)  
Wakasama: but this wasnt the worst part  
Yuu: oh?  
Wakasama: there was an… _egg_  
Hart: e g g  
Yiff: egg???  
Deuce: like a chicken egg, or…  
Wakasama: slightly smaller than a dragon egg  
Hart: its not like its their baby or anything  
Wakasama: …  
Hart: _WAIT IT IS?????_  
Deuce: HUMAN BABIES CAN HATCH FROM EGGS???  
Wakasama: human babies cannot hatch from eggs, but Lilia-sama once told me how Malleus-sama hatched from one  
Yuu: leona’s the bottom so does that mean…  
Yuu: LEONA LAID AN EGG???  
Joepel Jofelmier: how did it fit in him  
Wakasama: Lilia-sama said that fae eggs were much smaller until they were ready to be ejected from the body  
Hart: i just imagined an egg shooting out of someone’s butthole like pew pew  
Deuce: ansfjkkne;fkejfn  
Joepel Jofelmier: ace ur the funniest fuckign bitch ont he palent  
Hart: thank u i aim to please  
Yiff: lets get leona-san a cake that says “congrats on the egg baby, bottom”  
Hart: ok nvm jack is still funnier than me  
Hart: jack will u marry me so i can be married to the funniest man on the planet  
Deuce: >:0 how dare  
Yiff: ace… i cant marry u  
Hart: ;A; why  
Yiff: my heart belongs to epel  
Joepel Jofelmier: its true, im secretly in love with jack  
Wakasama: u cant marry jack, im in love with u epel  
Joepel Jofelmier: :0 sebek,,,  
Deuce: ace i will fight jack for ur hand in marriage  
Yiff: bring it, cauldron boy  
Yuu: guys its the 3rd time this week  
Yuu: seeing as we r gonna be staying in the same place for the foreseeable future, could yall try not to start any fights for each other’s hands in marriage  
Hart: aw  
Wakasame: wait yall staying tgt??  
Yuu: they showed up at my dorm with their bags packed 2 mins before the storm hit  
Wakasama: why are yall still texting then  
Hart: because we didnt want u to feel lonely  
Wakasama: :0  
Wakasama: i can see why everyone wants to marry ace now  
Joepel Jofelmier: _join the polycule_  
Yiff: _one of us_  
Deuce: _join usssss_  
Wakasama: sure  
Hart: mwahaha my evil plan to get more bfs worked  
Hart: now yall will care for my dumb ass  
Joepel Jofelmier: we love u even if ur an idiot most of the time  
Hart: :0c  
Deuce: and to think, we are only 10% joking abt the polycule  
Yuu: one of u come to the kitchen to help me get the hot chocolates out  
Yiff: coming  
Wakasama: … ill be over in a few minutes  
Yuu: theres a storm?  
Wakasama: irrelevant


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah, communication  
> split the chapter into 2 so its shorter, buttttt now its clearer and more focused on the mains of the chapter, wow im so yasashi (is shot-  
> also animal crossing kinda sapped the life outta me and i cant stop imagining pascal as kalim send help

[PM between Prince Kali and Space Jam]  
Prince Kali: jamillllll where r uuuuuuu  
Space Jam: kitchens  
Prince Kali: why   
Space Jam: u said u were hungry  
Prince Kali: …   
Prince Kali: jamil, do u think im relying on u too much?  
Space Jam: kalim, youve been relying on me since we were kids  
Space Jam: ofc i think u are  
Prince Kali: oh  
Prince Kali:   
Prince Kali: jamil, if u ever feel like im forcing u to do stuff u dont want to, u gotta tell me ok?  
Prince Kali: like how u dont like bugs  
Prince Kali: u never told me abt it   
Space Jam:   
Prince Kali: its just  
Prince Kali: i realise theres a lot of stuff i dont know about u  
Prince Kali: even if we grew up tgt, i still feel like theres a barrier between us  
Space Jam: its called classism  
Prince Kali: not just that  
Prince Kali: i dont even know ur fave food  
Space Jam: curry  
Prince Kali: … how long have u not had curry  
Space Jam: we both know the answer to that is “ever since that time u were almost poisoned through curry”  
Prince Kali:   
Prince Kali: do u think this relationship was a mistake  
Space Jam: why this question  
Prince Kali: it feels like we r falling back into old habits  
Space Jam: a bit, yes  
Space Jam: sometimes i feel like nothing’s changed between us  
Space Jam: that im still basically ur servant  
Space Jam: but if being free meant losing what we have right now  
Space Jam: i would have chosen to be your servant for the rest of my life  
Prince Kali: jamil that was the most romantic thing u have ever said, even if u stole that line from Venus Comb’s new song  
Prince Kali: which kitchen are u in  
Space Jam: kitchen 3  
Prince Kali: im coming over to kiss u <3  
Space Jam: !   
Space Jam: <3  
Prince Kali: :D


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me: *writes oneshot*  
> oneshot: has 1 comment  
> me: :/  
> also me: *posts new chapter of chatfic*  
> chatfic: has many comments  
> me: :/ *still salty abt other fic*

[PM between leona and Waluigi]  
leona: whys ur dorm building so confusing  
Waluigi: are u lost  
leona: no  
leona: … a bit  
Waluigi: F  
leona: i regret teaching u memes  
Waluigi: but do u regret this?  
leona: whats with the sudden question  
Waluigi: u were the one who wanted to break up  
leona: i regret that decision with every waking moment of my life  
leona: and every non waking moment as well since i sleep more than i am awake  
leona: but thats the depression life :fingerguns:  
Waluigi: leo i stg  
leona: but seriously  
leona: that was… a mistake  
leona: i wasnt thinking clearly  
Waluigi: what made u want to initiate the breakup, then  
leona:   
leona: u know im a prince  
leona: to secure peace with the land of hot sands, i am to be married off to its princess  
Waluigi: when?  
leona: immediately after final exams  
leona: its not so bad  
leona: at least its climate is close enough to afterglow savannah  
leona: and i know some people (kalim and jamil and kanna)  
leona: sure the princess is a spoiled brat but we cant have everything we want in life  
leona: mal?  
Waluigi: lets say if another kingdom contested the marriage  
leona: it would have to be a more powerful kingdom than the land of hot sands  
Waluigi: what about if the prince of thorns personally asked for your hand  
leona:  
leona: malleus u fucker   
leona: u were hiding this from me?  
Waluigi: its a national secret  
leona: fine  
leona: why do we have so many princes in nrc  
leona: me, idia, you, kalim (a prince on a technicality)   
Waluigi: ironically the 2 dorm heads whose dorms were based off on queens arent princes  
leona: tru  
Waluigi: are u still lost  
leona: fuck u  
Waluigi: love you too


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uwu,, since ill be having exams soon i doubt ill be able to get as many chapters out as usual,,, so heres a longer one  
> also this fic is now 69 pages long on google docs hehehehehehehehe

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Shinji Hirako: i feel like its been a hot second since we used this chat  
Floyd: tru~  
Mom of Hearts: yep  
Yuu: wow its like how the previous chapters were more character centric and plot filled rather than the group bs we usually have with 18 characters in a vc  
Fabulous: … u lost me after “chapters”  
Yuu: dont worry abt it too much ;)  
CawCaw: so how are my darling students dealing with the storm~  
Yuu: twister  
Yuu: deuce’s face is very close to ace’s crotch  
Yuu: jack’s getting crushed under everyone  
Yuu: epel’s screaming curses  
Yuu: and sebek has somehow managed to get all green and is bent in an awkward position  
Shinji Hirako: i thought sebek would be with malleus  
Yuu: he showed up in the middle of movie night with a suitcase  
Yuu: and by showed up i mean malleus gave him a lift  
leona: good  
leona: he was annoying me anyways  
Shinji Hirako: :eyes: oh?  
Fiyero: is the leomal ship finally together again  
Yuu: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
Shinji Hirako: _nice_  
leona: now yall can stop with trying to push us back tgt  
Kokichi Kin: y o u  
Kokichi Kin: this fucker went out 2 mins before the storm hit  
Fiyero: wow going outside? cant relate  
leona: im safe and thats all that matters  
wiwiwa: ruggie and i are going on a date after the storm blows over~  
Yuu: wow out of nowhere the lilia x ruggie ship starts sailing  
Fiyero: what are u even calling the ship  
leona: how abt “the 2 gremlins”  
wiwiwa: stfu  
Fabulous: shit they found me  
Fabulous: if i dont come back after 10 mins assume im dead  
Mom of Hearts: … ok tf  
Space Jam: same  
Shinji Hirako: we’re running out of makeup  
Yuu: … oh shit  
Shinji Hirako: vil hoards the good stuff like a dragon hoards gold, and now theyre coming for his ass like the peasants revolting against their queen  
Shinji Hirako: im safe cuz i dont use makeup other than concealer and so much sunblock lol  
Shinji Hirako: since we r in a storm, no one needs to use my sunblock  
Shinji Hirako: jokes on them thats how my skin stays pale af  
Fiyero: oh speaking of ruggie and lilia’s date  
Fiyero: im going on one soon  
leona: i didnt think u would find a partner  
Riddle Rosehearts: Congratulations. Who’s the lucky lady/gentleman?  
Squiggle: ah, that  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ who?~  
Fiyero: im kinda embarrassed to say  
Yuu: welp twister ended with a bang  
Yuu: and by bang i mean sebek and jack broke the coffee table after sebek lost his balance and fell on jack’s tail  
Yuu: but yes go on i want to hear abt idia’s gf/bf  
Fiyero: @Squiggle you tell them, i dont wanna say it  
Squiggle: really? pussy  
Prince Kali: whoever that person is, they must be really lucky to be dating you!  
Prince Kali: cuz ur amazing and deserve love!!!  
Fiyero: khrhgurhe;lehdgh;ergrehgkdrhgkh  
Squiggle: his partner is an ai  
Squiggle: does hatsune miku exist in ur world  
Yuu: IDIA ARE YOU DATING HATSUNE MIKU  
Fiyero: MAYBE  
Yuu: in my world shes just a voice bank  
Squiggle: idia built her a body  
Fiyero: shes my gf,,, i love her  
Kokichi Kin: wait i want to talk to her  
Kokichi Kin: im Bored  
[Fiyero added Miiku to the chat]  
Miiku: hello everybody! (❀ฺ´∀`❀ฺ)ﾉ  
Yuu: oh my god its hatsune miku  
Miiku: (ฅ´ω`ฅ)  
leona: ive seen weirder things  
leona: ever since the egg, nothing can surprise me anymore  
Squiggle: what egg  
leona: wouldnt u like to know, octo boy  
Joepel Jofelmier: yuu where the fuck is the rope  
Yuu: drawer under the silverware  
Joepel Jofelmier: thx  
Waluigi: why would you require rope  
Joepel Jofelmier: we r playing seven minutes in heaven and ace and deuce are in the closet rn  
Joepel Jofelmier: we (me, jack, sebek) are gonna tie the closet doors shut  
Mom of Hearts: good luck, weve tried that before  
Kokichi Kin: how did it go  
Mom of Hearts: deuce broke the door down  
Joepel Jofelmier: we’ll try it again  
Mushroom Man: so @Fiyero, who tops :)  
Miiku: meeeeeeee ( • ̀ω•́ )✧  
Fiyero: kdgbrjkgrskj ok no more gc for u bb  
Miiku: aww (。•́︿•̀。)  
Fiyero: sorry baby but the gc would drain ur batteries much quicker   
Miiku: get me a phone then, bottom (。・`ω´・)  
[Miiku left the chat]  
Squiggle: *wheeze* bottom  
Fiyero: like ur one to talk  
Squiggle: excuse u i can top  
Mushroom Man: nope  
Lobster Boy: nah~ he cant top for shit~  
Squiggle: betrayed by my sugar babies  
Mushroom Man: please never refer to us as your “sugar babies” ever again  
Lobster Boy: i like salty things more~ can u call me “salt bae”?~  
Yuu: i heard a crash??  
Joepel Jofelmier: update: deuce broke the closet  
Yuu: ur paying for repairs  
Joepel Jofelmier: fair  
Joepel Jofelmier: also is vil finally dead  
Shinji Hirako: sorta  
leona: oh good ur alive  
leona: i wont need to explain to the ambassador why u were killed over makeup then  
Shinji Hirako: :p  
Shinji HIrako: the twins found him and got their revenge  
Shinji Hirako: hehe half shaved vil  
leona: pics  
Shinji Hirako: for a price, yes  
leona: ur worse than azul sometimes  
Squiggle: oi im not that bad  
Mushroom Man: ofc  
Mushroom Man: ur worse


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welp exams are postponed for me so... new chapter? new chapter.

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Fiyero: has anyone seen ortho  
Yiff: no?  
Joepel Jofelmier: why  
Fiyero: hes not in his room  
Fiyero: _where is my child_  
Yuu: wait that wasnt a dream  
Kokichi Kin: ?  
Yuu: i thought i saw ortho outside  
Fiyero: THERES A STORM????  
Fiyero: WHERE IS MY BOY NOW  
Yuu: uuhhhhh idk he disappeared when i tried to get him to come in  
Fiyero: FUCK  
Squiggle: there there  
Squiggle: he’ll be fine  
Shinji Hirako: wait i think i see the beby  
Shinji Hirako: hes…  
Shinji Hirako: hes chasing a frog  
Joepel Jofelmier: fwoggie…   
Shinji Hirako: welp hes gone now  
Fiyero: my child,,, my baby,,,  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ i saw fish bait-chan a while ago~  
Fiyero: were u,,,underwater  
Lobster Boy: yeah~  
Fiyero: ORTHOS NOT BUILT FOR WATER  
Yuu: someone save the babey  
Yuu: also someone save the big brother from panicking  
Squiggle: on it  
Mom of Hearts: do we need to… yknow  
Space Jam: not yet  
Yuu: am i the only one concerned as to what u 2 are referring to  
Mom of Hearts: dont worry abt it :)  
Yuu: im scared  
Prince Kali: hi scared im kalim  
Space Jam: …   
Prince Kali: bad timing?  
Space Jam: 3/10  
Mushroom Man: ouch  
wiwiwa: wait   
wiwiwa: i think i found him  
wiwiwa: …  
Yiff: im concerned  
wiwiwa: dndkgn.drnkffdkf  
Fiyero: ??? WHERES MY BROTHER  
wiwiwa: ok so get ur popcorn out cuz this is abt to be fucking hilarious  
Mushroom Man: *readies blackmail notebook*  
wiwiwa: ortho was (according to him) chasing a cute frog  
wiwiwa: and he stumbled upon leona and malleus doing the do  
Squiggle: oh no  
wiwiwa: so i had to tell him that leona was giving malleus a “piggyback ride”  
wiwiwa: and now he wants a piggyback ride kjd;hdjl  
Mom of Hearts: u couldnt have said they were playing twister?  
wiwiwa: look the position they were in wasnt very twister like  
wiwiwa: and im not good at improv  
Squiggle: so were they fucking outside, or…  
wiwiwa: only those 2 can decide to have outdoors sex while theres a storm  
Squiggle: ah  
wiwiwa: anyways  
wiwiwa: @Fiyero we’ll send ur child back once those 2 are done and malleus can teleport him  
Fiyero: thabk u  
Yuu: applause for diasomnia’s dorm mom  
wiwiwa: im more of a dad lol  
wiwiwa: but thank u i will accept the applause  
Prince Kali: yay!!  
Prince Kali: its nice to know orthos safe  
Prince Kali: this calls for a celebration  
Space Jam: we are in the middle of a Storm  
Space Jam: no celebrations  
Prince Kali: awwww  
Space Jam: u can have the party After the storm is over  
Prince Kali: :D  
Prince Kali: thanks jamil  
Prince Kali: love u  
Space Jam: love u too  
Shinji HIrako: :eyes:  
Space Jam: shit this isnt dms  
Prince Kali: i wuv u jamil owo  
Space Jam: im going to smack u  
Prince Kali: owo nyo  
leona: well at least someones having fun  
Yuu: so how was the sex  
Kokichi Kin: nfrk;bgk htlwhlkerhkle  
leona: windy  
leona: theres grass stains on my shirt now  
Waluigi: it wasnt that bad  
leona: u can try bottoming next time  
Waluigi: not in this weather  
leona: :middlefinger:


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its been a while, yeah? dw im still alive and kicking  
> ive just been more..preoccupied with stuff  
> and ive been working on more stuff which will hopefully one day see the light (that is, if i can reign in the horny because is it Not supposed to be that horny)

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

Ace: Hart  
Deuce: Deuce  
Sebek: Wakasama

[Dom Chat]

CawCaw: @everyone Good news! It looks like the storm will be clearing up very soon! I believe you guys still have a week or so of spring break left, so use it wisely uwu  
Mom of Hearts: u-uwu  
Space Jam: id never thought id see the day the headmaster would “uwu” at us  
Yuu: yknow the storm thing really just feels like an excuse made by the author to make the couples have some bonding time and introduce the new ship  
leona: are they always like this  
Joepel Jofelmier: oh yeah  
Joepel Jofelmier: they do that sometimes  
Joepel Jofelmier: yuu thinks that this is all just a story written by someone  
Kokichi Kin: just because theres a lot of writing imagery in our daily lives doesnt mean we are just characters in a story  
Yuu: ill brb someone broke a plate  
Lobster Boy: shrimp-chan~ stay a bit longer~  
Yuu: sowwy  
Squiggle: well at least we can return home, even if its only for a week  
CawCaw: dont worry azul-kun, because im so very kind, ill be giving you guys an extra week of spring break  
leona: … is it because ur on ur honeymoon rn and dont want to deal with us just yet  
CawCaw: perhaps  
Squiggle: theres a vc concert in that extra week, isnt there  
CawCaw: shhh dont expose me  
Squiggle: :middlefinger:  
[Yuu added Hart and Deuce to the chat]  
Mom of Hearts: ??? yuu  
Hart: eyyyy we r in  
Mom of Hearts: why is it when something happens, its always u 2 idiots  
Riddle Rosehearts: Once you two get back to the dorms, its off with your heads  
Hart: aww dont be like that dorm leader  
Deuce: sorry i tried to stop him  
[Yuu added Wakasama to the chat]  
leona: >:(  
Yuu: ace took my phone  
Squiggle: so he added deuce and sebek  
Yuu: oh i was the one who added sebek  
Hart: the polycule Stays together  
Deuce: ^^  
Joepel Jofelmier: ^^^^^  
Yiff: ^^^^^^^^  
Wakasama: MALLEUS-SAMA I SINCERELY APOLOGISE FOR NOT BEING BY YOUR SIDE  
Waluigi: please just text normally  
Wakasama: understood  
Wakasama: my apologies!  
leona: :( make him leave  
Wakasama: >:o  
wiwiwa: nah he can stay  
leona: ur just bias cuz hes like ur child  
wiwiwa: shhhhh  
leona: wtever  
leona: malleus come here  
Waluigi: ?  
leona: just do it  
Hart: are they always like this lol  
Yiff: yes  
Joepel Jofelmier: disappointingly so  
leona: tf do u mean, disappointingly  
Joepel Jofelmier: noah fence  
Joepel Jofelmier: i just didnt expect the great malleus draconia to be…this much of a meme  
Yiff: oh i had zero expectations for leona-san after the interdorm magishift competition  
Fiyero: oof  
Hart: im still dying over waluigi being malleus  
Deuce: its very him  
Lobster Boy: uwu~ crab and mackerel~ yummy~  
Hart: o fuck its him  
Riddle Rosehearts: While the situation is understandable, no swearing  
Hart: im sorry  
Riddle Rosehearts: Remember to watch your fucking language  
Deuce: ???????? DORM LEADER  
Lobster Boy: sljgrlgjjrglfdkjgfdkdfl  
Shinji Hirako: gurys hepl  
Shinji Hirako: sjekrdgjdnres  
Fiyero: *mild but interested concern*  
[Shinji Hirako sent a picture]  
Squiggle: KJENGRK;JSERG  
Joepel Jofelmier: rip rook hunt, 20xx-20xx, no one will miss u  
wiwiwa: im losing it over vil’s new look  
[Shinji Hirako deleted 1 image]  
Lobster Boy: too late weve already saved it~  
Shinji Hirako: your next, fish boy  
Mom of Hearts: *youre  
Shinji Hirako: shut the fuck up  
[leona sent a picture]  
Wakasama: WHY  
leona: :middle finger:  
Hart: oh my god,, these bitches gay,,  
Deuce: good for them  
[leona kicked Hart, Deuce and Wakasama from the chat]  
Waluigi: :p  
wiwiwa: IS THAT TONGUE  
wiwiwa: ARE YOU FRENCH KISSING MY CHILD  
leona: i was  
leona: now we’re cuddling  
leona: hes really cute when embarrassed  
Squiggle: awwww ur just a big softie  
leona: so are u, but ur softness extends to ur body too  
Squiggle: im not fat  
leona: never said u were, just said u were soft and u jumped to that, so... whos the soft one here  
Yuu: leona once again proving that he is the roast king  
Fiyero: truly amazing


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is wayyy shorter but ill get more out next chapter :p  
> i had to cut the chapter there because it just didnt flow right when i added what has now become the next chapter  
> is this a crossover fic now? idk, i mean...black butler and twst kinda just exist in the YCU (yana cinematic universe) to me

Usernames:  
Malleus: Waluigi  
Lilia: wiwiwa  
Crowley: CawCaw  
Crewel: Pet Owner

Special Guests:   
???: TheBetterRaven  
???: PhC

[Little Menagerie of Horrors]

CawCaw: @Waluigi @wiwiwa talk some sense into those two  
Waluigi: tf  
wiwiwa: what did u do again lol  
CawCaw: they want to come to nrc  
wiwiwa: ohohohoho  
TheBetterRaven: I fail to see why we shouldn't be allowed to visit Night Raven.  
CawCaw: thats because ur a menace to society  
TheBetterRaven: Pot, kettle.  
TheBetterRaven: Who let you run a school anyways?  
CawCaw: i dunno  
PhC: The loony bin is probably missing you.  
wiwiwa: uwu so u 2 are coming over to nrc?  
TheBetterRaven: Indeed we are.  
wiwiwa: nice  
wiwiwa: did u know our baby boy mal here finally has a boyfriend  
Waluigi: LILIA  
PhC: Oh? Do tell…   
TheBetterRaven: I’d like to meet this “boyfriend” of his… I do need to ascertain his motives are good.  
Waluigi: uncle please dont scare my bf  
TheBetterRaven: Oh don’t worry Mal. I’ll be gentle.   
TheBetterRaven: After all, what kind of a butler would I be if I couldn’t do such a simple task as threatening my only nephew’s boyfriend very thoroughly?  
PhC: Over five hundred years, and you’re still using this phrase…  
TheBetterRaven: What can I say?   
CawCaw: dont say it  
TheBetterRaven: I’m simply one hell of a butler  
CawCaw: someone shut this man up  
CawCaw: please  
TheBetterRaven: You would treat your twin brother in such a way?  
PhC: Well…  
TheBetterRaven: You don’t count.  
PhC: W e l l…  
PhC: Technically my twin brother was already _dead_ when all that went down  
Waluigi: ur not really helping  
Pet Owner: sometimes this gc makes me question why i married you, dire  
CawCaw: awww but u wuv me, dont u  
Pet Owner: ur on thin fucking ice, bitch boy  
TheBetterRaven: You should come to the next family gathering.  
TheBetterRaven: Speaking of family, did you return our cousin’s hat to him?  
CawCaw: yep lol  
CawCaw: he needs to lose that stick up his ass anyways  
CawCaw: plus without the hat hed look less funny  
wiwiwa: Was it the cousin that got drunk and moonwalked everywhere or was it the one that tried to eat @PhC?  
PhC: It’s been 500 YEARS  
PhC: WHY CAN’T HE STOP TRYING TO EAT ME  
TheBetterRaven: The moonwalking one.  
TheBetterRaven: @Waluigi You’ve been quiet, Mal.  
Waluigi: im warning my bf abt yall

[PM between Waluigi and leona]  
Waluigi: babe wake up  
leona: wha  
Waluigi: my uncles are going to interrogate u abt ur intentions towards me  
leona: whats there to interrogate  
leona: im planning on loving you for the rest of my life  
leona: those are my intentions  
leona: babe?  
Waluigi: are u still in my room  
leona: ya why  
Waluigi: i was thinking of… rewarding you ;)  
leona: oH


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeeee im getting back into the writing mood again  
> again, not a long chapter  
> but ill try and make ch30 a good one

[PM between Farena and leona]  
Farena: leonaaaaaaaaaaa  
leona: no  
Farena: u didnt even hear me out :(  
leona: i dont need to  
Farena: :(  
leona: no  
Farena: leonaaa :((  
leona: _fine_  
leona: the fuck u want  
Farena: me and cheka are coming over to visit!! :D  
leona: fuck off back to afterglow  
Farena: are u gonna deny cheka   
Farena: he reallllyy wants to see his “ojitan”~  
leona: urghhhhhhhh  
leona: heads up, ur going to meet my boyfriend’s relatives  
Farena: i thought u agreed to break up with him  
leona: consider: which country do u want to make a treaty with more  
leona: hot sands or valley of thorns  
Farena: … thorns  
leona: ha  
leona: also i got pregnant with his kid, im staying  
Farena: YOU WHAT  
Farena: THIS IS WHY YOU USE PROTECTION

[PM between CawCaw and Waluigi]  
CawCaw: please take them off my hands  
Waluigi: why  
CawCaw: my brother is only tolerable in small doses  
CawCaw: and u know how ur other uncle is  
CawCaw: always trying to get me with his cane   
Waluigi: did u call him short again  
CawCaw: not my fault hes like riddles height  
CawCaw: looks like him too, the little bastard  
CawCaw: anyways Please help  
Waluigi: i cant guarantee anything  
CawCaw: ill “forget” to invite you to the next dorm leader meeting  
CawCaw: but “remember” just before snack time  
Waluigi: suddenly i am very compelled to help you  
CawCaw: yassss  
CawCaw: ok now take them away  
CawCaw: shoo, shoo  
Waluigi: :middlefinger:

[PM between Waluigi and leona]  
Waluigi: theyre here with me :p  
leona: i have a plan  
Waluigi: do tell  
leona: my brother’s here too  
leona: where r u rn  
Waluigi: 3rd floor corridor  
leona: good  
leona: im leading him and cheka over  
Waluigi: are u planning on making ur brother and my uncles meet so we can escape   
leona: hell yeah i am  
Waluigi: good plan  
leona: >:3  
leona: u ready?  
Waluigi: as ill ever be


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my god its chapter 30   
> yayyyyyyyyyyyyy  
> *toots party horn*

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Squiggle: who set that explosion off  
Waluigi: *whistles innocently*  
Space Jam: never thought id see the day malleus draconia would set off an explosion  
Yuu: :eyes: its not those dumbasses for once???  
Joepel Jofelmier: you make ONE EXPLOSION  
Fabulous: it was more like 5  
Joepel Jofelmier: go fuck yourself  
Fabulous: i mean? im pretty? and id know what i like in bed?  
Yuu: same energy as “would u fuck a clone of urself”  
Mom of Hearts: cater has already made it known that he can and will do so  
Space Jam: tmi, trey  
Yiff: here i am, minding my own business, when Leona-san and Malleus-san speed down the corridor  
Yiff: Leona-san skids to a halt, hands me Cheka, then keeps running  
Yiff: hold on Cheka wants to say hi  
Yiff: hiiiiii!!! are you guys ojitan’s friends???  
Yuu: hey cheka  
Prince Kali: heyyyyyy!!!!  
Prince Kali: whos ur ojitan  
Kokichi Kin: leona  
Prince Kali: oh!!  
leona: ruggie, go take care of cheka  
Kokichi Kin: sure thing, _ojitan_  
Fiyero: whats with that explosion anyways  
Waluigi: my uncles are meeting the guy who told leona to break up with me, aka leona’s brother  
leona: rip farena, i wont miss u  
Shinji Hirako: would this be considered assisted regicide  
leona: nah its not  
leona: trust me, i know what actual regicide is  
Yuu: … highly concerning  
Yuu: also awww cheka’s making flower crowns for us now  
Prince Kali: ooohhh where are u guys  
Kokichi Kin: central courtyard, lilia made flowers bloom before leaving to “take care of the idiots”  
Prince Kali: omw  
Space Jam: kalim u said u were gonna study  
Prince Kali: come Onnnnnn jam  
Space Jam: ..  
Space Jam: fine  
wiwiwa: i stopped em from destroying the school  
wiwiwa: @CawCaw @Waluigi u two owe me  
wiwiwa: at least now theyre talking it out  
wiwiwa: instead of throwing silverware everywhere  
Prince Kali: throwing what now  
Space Jam: silverware, do try to keep with the program   
wiwiwa: oh LOL  
Lobster Boy: what?~  
wiwiwa: so malleus’ uncle looks very much like riddle (cane, height, hairstyle, anger issues)  
wiwiwa: and from what i remember of his uncle, his aunt had the same red hair that riddle has  
wiwiwa: riddle just passed by and they both look like they saw a ghost lololol  
[Mom of Hearts sent a picture]  
Mom of Hearts: ur not wrong  
Fiyero: damn they really do look alike  
Koichi Kin: two of them,,,  
Squiggle: two of them…   
Mom of Hearts: at least now i know what riddle’s next halloween costume will be  
Lobster Boy: two goldfishes~  
Riddle Rosehearts: i-  
Mushroom Man: so how does it feel to have a long lost twin brother that is malleus’ uncle  
Riddle Rosehearts: im gonna go lie down  
Riddle Rosehearts: im probably seeing things  
Mushroom Man: and so, the little red goldfish hath gazed into the abyss, and saw the universe reflected within  
Mom of Hearts: … i really dont know what to say to that  
Joepel Jofelmier: thats on par with what yuu says sometimes  
Yuu: oi  
Yuu: im way weirder  
Kokichi Kin: are those 2 off fucking again  
Yiff: whats fucking  
Joepel Jofelmier: … did you let cheka use ur phone again  
Yiff: IM SORRY  
Kokichi Kin: @leona   
leona: oh hell no  
leona: im not explaining that  
Kokichi Kin: well are u fucking or not  
leona: we were  
leona: fuck it im getting the hairball back to farena  
leona: and then im getting wasted  
Waluigi: binge drinking sounds like a good idea  
wiwiwa: NO  
Waluigi: ur not my dad  
wiwiwa: *gasp*  
wiwiwa: my son…   
Kokichi Kin: there, there  
Kokichi Kin: its just belated teenage rebellion, he’ll get over it soon


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ch 31,,, and the mothers have appeared

Usernames:  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa  
Crewel: Pet Owner

[MILF (+2 DILF) Alliance]

wiwiwa: he said “ur not my dad” to meeeeeeeeee  
Space Jam: we know  
Space Jam: we were there  
Mom of Hearts: still better than the time riddle called me dad  
Mushroom Man: that doesnt sound so bad  
Mom of Hearts: it was in front of his mom  
Mushroom Man: ah.  
wiwiwa: ruggie get ur cute butt over her im SAD  
Kokichi Kin: ok ok dont get ur knickers in a twist  
Shinji Hirako: so he wears knickers huh  
Space Jam: who even uses the word “knickers” anymore  
Mushroom Man: you guys, apparently  
Space Jam: god i hate it when ur right  
Mushroom Man: :) im always right :)  
Shinji Hirako: what about the time you said “since the headmaster got married, is he going to be called crowley crewel” and we spent 30 minutes trying to convince you that his first name was not crowley  
Mushroom Man: DIRE IS A STUPID NAME  
Pet Owner: it is  
Pet Owner: but its my stupid husband’s stupid name  
Kokichi Kin: hey prof  
Kokichi Kin: enjoying the honeymoon?  
Pet Owner: yep  
Space Jam: guys, code light lilac  
Mom of Hearts: who  
Space Jam: papaya and fig  
Shinji Hirako: on it  
Pet Owner: … just what have you guys been doing during the storm  
Mom of Hearts: we now have codenames for each major problematic student, as well as a few others  
Mom of Hearts: for example riddle is strawberry and cater is apricot  
Mom of Hearts: the colour of the code corresponds to which dorm the issue is related to, and the light/dark means how serious the matter is  
Mushroom Man: it has made dealing with trouble so much easier  
Pet Owner: so who are papaya and fig supposed to represent  
Shinji Hirako: kanna and ylfrit  
Shinji Hirako: this is weird  
Space Jam: whats weird  
Shinji Hirako: wheres blackberry  
Kokichi Kin: those 3 are joined at the hip, somethings definitely… _fishy_  
wiwiwa: yall are welcome, i just poked him for that  
Kokichi Kin: ;A;  
Space Jam: usually when 2 of them are causing trouble, that means the third one must be somewhere else, wrecking even more havoc  
Shinji Hirako: isnt he @Kokichi Kin’s responsibility  
Mom of Hearts: ruggie, fetch  
wiwiwa: nu  
wiwiwa: he stays with me for now  
Space Jam: ill go interrogate those 2  
Mushroom Man: do i need to come along  
Space Jam: nah ill be fine  
Mom of Hearts: famous last words  
Mom of Hearts: oh btw i tried ur cookie recipe  
Space Jam: how was it  
Mom of Hearts: they taste a bit different from the ones u made  
Mom of Hearts: i think it might have been the oven  
Mom of Hearts: the storm got into the kitchen and a lot of the stuff there is unusable now  
wiwiwa: did strawberry throw a fit  
Mom of Hearts: it was very close  
Shinji Hirako: LMAOOOOO @Space Jam GOT CALLED A BOOMER  
Space Jam: SHUT UP  
Shinji Hirako: jamil: tell me where he is, or else…  
Shinji Hirako: kanna: or else what, boomer?  
wiwiwa: lmaoooooooo  
Kokichi Kin: kanna 1, jamil 0  
Pet Owner: are you talking about coriolis, puppies  
Kokichi Kin: yep  
Kokichi Kin: the widdle baby octopus  
Pet Owner: oh he’s with me  
Mom of Hearts: wut  
Space Jam: didnt take him for a vc fan  
Shinji Hirako: note that those 2 are fucking losing it  
Shinji Hirako: laughing like ruggie after inhaling helium  
Kokichi Kin: that was ONE TIME  
Pet Owner: hes fine and thats all u need to know :p  
Shinji Hirako: they looked at their phones and r now laughing even harder  
Shinji Hirako: i think they might pass out from laughing too hard  
wiwiwa: oh Ya i just remembered  
wiwiwa: @Mom of Hearts is strawberry shortcake (emphasis on the short) ok  
Kokichi Kin: kdfnglsdjjf  
Mom of Hearts: i got him a cup of soothing chamomile and tucked him into bed  
Mom of Hearts: but i did hear him talk in his sleep about “evil twins” so  
Mushroom Man: :) must be hard knowing that theres someone out there that looks like u :)  
Mom of Hearts: piss off


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crewel being 32 shook me down to my very core

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

Waluigi: *crawls out of cave* are they gone  
Fiyero: yes…?  
Waluigi: good  
Waluigi: if i ever have to see my 2 uncles again it will be too soon  
leona: same with farena  
wiwiwa: @Waluigi im telling em >:p  
Waluigi: do it and ill tell them who ate the cake the last time we visited  
wiwiwa: i am backing down respectfully  
Squiggle: so will we get official confirmation (aka names of ur uncles) or do i have to go through my connections  
Fiyero: im almost afraid to ask what ur connections are  
Squiggle: :)  
Waluigi: taller one is uncle sebastian, shorter riddle clone is uncle ciel  
wiwiwa: oh fun fact  
Waluigi: Not Fun  
wiwiwa: malleus is related to our “beloved” headmaster  
Fiyero: … whaaaaaa  
Squiggle: lmaoooooooooooooo  
Fabulous: for real lmaooooo  
Waluigi: shut  
Joepel Jofelmier: dammit vil’s still alive  
Fabulous: indeed i am  
Fabulous: and i am presentable once more  
Shinji Hirako: …   
Fabulous: are u still mad at me uwu  
Shinji Hirako: a little  
Shinji Hirako: but i can never stay mad at u vil-kun uwu  
Yiff: when ur childhood friend and ur stalker are a thing  
Fabulous: oh we’re not a thing  
Shinji Hirako: we totally are  
Yuu: guys  
Squiggle: whats the tea sis  
Yuu: so i heard it from deuce who heard it from ace   
Yuu: but crewel’s 32  
Fiyero: … excuse me what  
Riddle Rosehearts: Wait, professor Crewel is 32??  
Fabulous: how does he look so young  
Fabulous: i must know  
CawCaw: divus says “genetics” uwu  
Waluigi: sometimes i want to forget that this man is in this grp  
CawCaw: no wuv for ur dear uncle crowley uwu?  
Waluigi: you will find sand in all of ur shoes and underwear  
Fabulous: yknow its really funny when u get to nrc and realise that old mr trein who lives down the road, is actually ur history professor  
Mom of Hearts: imagine finding out that the nice man who stops by for pastries every morning likes threatening his students with a whip  
Fabulous: u think u had it bad?   
Fabulous: me and jack would go over and play with his kids  
Fabulous: i know more about prof trein than i ever needed to know  
Mom of Hearts: u have not known true fear until its ur first day at nrc and u see mr crewel, who stopped by to congratulate you on getting into nrc just last week, call his students “puppies” and hit them with his whip  
Fabulous: prof trein has knitted mittens for me  
Yiff: me too  
Yiff: i got a tail warmer as well  
Riddle Rosehearts: oh my god professor crewel is my neighbour  
Riddle Rosehearts: i never made the connection until now   
Riddle Rosehearts: hhhhhhhhhhh  
Mom of Hearts: ah  
Shinji Hirako: this is like the funniest game of “who has it worst”  
Squiggle: how could u not tell that he was ur neighbour  
Riddle Rosehearts: I WAS A SHELTERED CHILD, OK  
Riddle Rosehearts: PLUS HE WASNT AROUND OFTEN  
Prince Kali: so many messages~  
Yuu: hey kalim  
Prince Kali: heyyyyy  
Prince Kali: im just here to tell @Shinji Hirako to get on stage for blocking practice  
Shinji Hirako: oops sorry  
Mushroom Man: i see scarabia has started drama practice  
Prince Kali: yep!  
Prince Kali: i get to play the part of the princess!  
Space Jam: oi, after rook’s done is a scene with u in it  
Prince Kali: oopsie~   
Prince Kali: see yaaaa  
Yuu: baiiii  
Lobster Boy: ehehe~ azul~ i broke the blender again~  
Squiggle: seriously?  
Squiggle: ill go fix it  
Waluigi: lilia  
wiwiwa: since it seems like everything is going wrong, whats wrong mal-kun?  
leona: tHE EGG IS HATCHING  
Waluigi: ahhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
wiwiwa: …   
wiwiwa: IM COMING OVER  
wiwiwa: IM NOT GONNA MISS THE BIRTH OF MY GRANDCHILD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to the server that helped me pick a baby name, yall are amazing


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the EGGGGGG IS HEREEEEEEEEE  
> and no hes not called jouta

Usernames:  
Lilia: wiwiwa  
Silver: wiAg  
Sebek: Wakasama  
Malleus: Waluigi

[Gao Gao Dragon Dorm]

wiwiwa: and so, after so much unnecessary panicking, the baby is hatched!  
[wiwiwa sent a picture]  
wiwiwa: meet the little baby  
Wakasama: EVERYTHING MADE BY MALLEUS-SAMA IS AMAZING  
wiAg: wow… a child  
Wakasama: no-  
Waluigi: we didnt panic  
wiwiwa: sure  
wiwiwa: ahhh~ now i cant wait for my son to give me grandchildren~  
wiAg: …  
wiAg: not anytime soon  
wiwiwa: ofc, ofc  
wiwiwa: but when do u plan on mating uwu  
wiAg: …   
wiAg: can we like  
wiAg: not talk abt this here  
Wakasama: mmh  
wiAg: i dont want to talk abt sex in front of my bf, dad, and the prince that i serve  
wiwiwa: awww why not  
Waluigi: stop embarrassing him  
wiwiwa: okie dokie  
wiwiwa: still, congrats  
Wakasama: CONGRATS  
wiAg: by the way, is the child going to be Draconia-Kingscholar or Kingscholar-Draconia  
Waluigi: …   
Waluigi: one moment

[PM between Waluigi and leona]  
Waluigi: draconia-kingscholar  
leona: kingscholar-draconia  
Waluigi: my name comes first  
leona: no me  
Waluigi: noooooooo  
leona: listen  
leona: i did not lay this egg to be disrespected like that  
Waluigi: well if he takes the draconia name its clear that hes a future king, unlike you  
leona: …  
Waluigi: im sorry  
leona: u better fucking be  
leona: now get back here and hold our baby  
Waluigi: we can go with kingscholar-draconia  
leona: good :3

[Gao Gao Dragon Dorm]

Waluigi: kingscholar-draconia  
wiAg: well then  
wiwiwa: awwww the baby’s little toesie wosies~  
Wakasama: hes gonna be in grandpa mode for the next few months  
Wakasama: but it is a very cute baby  
wiAg: whats his name  
Waluigi: …   
Waluigi: another moment

[PM between Waluigi and leona]  
Waluigi: babe  
Waluigi: weve been so fixated on the babys last name  
Waluigi: but what about first name  
leona: …  
leona: uh  
Waluigi: …   
leona: …   
leona: ok, no names that are ur closest relatives  
Waluigi: understandable  
leona: ok  
Waluigi: pollux? or castor?  
leona: no, maybe for a pair of twins it would be fine to name em castor and pollux  
Waluigi: …  
Waluigi: eridan?  
leona: … is this the homestuck thing   
Waluigi: no  
leona: we are not naming the kid after a homestuck character  
Waluigi: well then what are we naming the kid?  
leona: well i know that im breaking my own rule  
leona: but uh  
leona: i had this aunt  
leona: she was a brave and fierce warrior  
leona: and she was the only one to actually see me for who i was  
leona: not the second prince, the unwanted boy, the one with the scary magic  
leona: she passed away a few years ago from illness  
leona: i still miss her  
Waluigi: she sounds like a wonderful woman  
leona: she was   
Waluigi: i would like to also contribute a name  
leona: go on  
Waluigi: when i was much younger  
leona: so like 2 centuries ago  
Waluigi: more like half a century  
Waluigi: i was still a child  
Waluigi: and i got lost in the woods   
Waluigi: in the woods i met a naga cursed by an evil witch  
Waluigi: he was forced to serve her, and by her orders he was to kill everyone who came close to her lair  
Waluigi: but he didnt kill me  
Waluigi: he hid me from her and allowed me to leave the woods safely  
Waluigi: when i grew older i returned to the woods to try and find him  
leona: did you ever find him again?  
Waluigi: no  
Waluigi: but if it werent for him, i wouldnt have been alive and i wouldnt have met you  
leona: ok so we have 2 people we want to honour  
leona: … which name comes first  
Waluigi: …

[Gao Gao Dragon Dorm]

wiwiwa: its been 15 mins  
wiwiwa: do u think theyve killed each other over names yet  
wiAg: give it a few more minutes  
Waluigi: we have a name now  
wiwiwa: oh goody!  
Wakasama: tell us please!!!  
Waluigi: Lenore Janus Kingscholar-Draconia  
wiAg: …  
Wakasama: …  
wiwiwa: …  
Waluigi: what


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: there are mentions about suicide/dying/death and dark topics thrown about, as well as a cliffhanger at the end  
> Its the first time i had to add a warning to a chapter, but i feel like its needed  
> (also wow dont u just love it when u project so hard on a character  
> (...  
> (im sorry, jamil

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier

[Dom Chat]

wiwiwa: this just in: local dumbasses have no idea that theyre dooming their kid by giving him a stupid name  
Waluigi: there is nothing wrong with the name we chose  
wiwiwa: uhhh  
Yuu: i want to see the baby!!!!!  
Kokichi Kin: +1  
leona: ruggie u just saw him 5 mins ago  
Kokichi Kin: i want to see him again  
[leona sent a picture]  
Yuu: @everyone  
Prince Kali: awwwwwww its baby!!!!  
Fabulous: a very cute baby  
Fabulous: considering who the mother is, im quite surprised that he turned out so cute  
leona: shut the fuck up  
Prince Kali: hes got widdle fwuffy ears,,,  
Space Jam: hes crying  
Space Jam: great  
Prince Kali: jamil can we have one of those  
Space Jam: one of what  
Prince Kali: a baby  
Space Jam: …  
Space Jam: HUH  
Prince Kali: think abt it!  
Prince Kali: our baby  
Space Jam: i-  
Yuu: me, watching as the kalim/jamil drama unfolds again  
Fiyero: me, watching with u  
Space Jam: kalim i love you  
Space Jam: but there are not enough words in the human language to describe how much i want to kill myself right now  
Prince Kali: NO  
Prince Kali: JAMIL NO  
Space Jam: well how else will you listen to me?  
Space Jam: im so sick and tired of this  
Space Jam: i just  
[Space Jam left the chat]  
Prince Kali: …  
Shinji Hirako: i cant believe we went from cute spawn to relationship drama  
Mushroom Man: mmh  
Mushroom Man: it do be like that sometimes  
Fabulous: did you just call the baby “cute spawn”  
Shinji Hirako: yes  
Fabulous: why did i decide to date u  
Shinji Hirako: because u wuv me uwu  
Fabulous: debatable  
Squiggle: yikes  
Squiggle: kalim just came into mostro lounge, asked for a private room, and ordered everything from the special menu  
Squiggle: when i asked if he was sure he threw a gold brick at me and said “shut up, whore”  
wiwiwa: kalim did that? wow  
Kokichi Kin: tbh before today i wasnt sure he even knew the word fuck  
Yiff: whats the special menu  
Squiggle: what do u think  
[Squiggle sent a picture]  
Joepel Jofelmier: damn thats a lot of cocktails  
[Shinji Hirako sent a video]  
Shinji Hirako: meanwhile scarabia’s vice dorm leader has decided “to hell with everything, im going to drink alcohol in broad daylight and no one in this dorm can stop me”  
Mushroom Man: the terrified whispering of the dorm members really adds to the ambience :)  
Squiggle: hm that looks to be Arak, a type of alcohol that is rather strong  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ isnt that the type of alcohol that can be 95% alcoholic content if homemade  
Fiyero: how do u know that  
Lobster Boy: who do u think makes the special menu drinks, idiot~  
Yuu: why are yall still spectating on this  
Yuu: someone go help the two (secret) alcoholics   
Mom of Hearts: its not like we can help  
Mom of Hearts: this is something they have to resolve on their own

[PM between Prince Kali and Space Jam]  
Prince Kali: jammmmmmmmmmmmm  
Prince Kali: jamilllllllll  
Prince Kali: pelase takt to em  
Space Jam: kalim   
Space Jam: i hate you  
Space Jam: so much  
Space Jam: i hate everything that you stand for  
Space Jam: i hate how you think beign rich can solv e everying  
Space Jam: hate that u hold my life in ur hands  
Space Jam: are u going to forget me when im dead  
Prince Kali: jamli what are u takning abt  
Prince Kali: jamil????

[Calling: Jamil <3]  
[The person you have called is temporarily unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.]

[1 missed call from: Azul Ashengrotto]  
[1 missed call from: Floyd Leech]  
[15 missed calls from: Kalim]  
[5 missed calls from: Yuu]  
[You have: 6 new messages. Press 1 to play: Message from Kalim at 3:45 pm. Press 7 to delete all messages.]  
[...]   
[You have no new messages.]


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is jam boy dead or alive? well i flipped a coin and the coin said yall will find out NEXT CHAPTER AHAHAHAA

Usernames:  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa  
Crewel: Pet Owner

Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Jamil: Space Jam  
The Player: Yuu

[MILF (+2 DILF) Alliance]

Mom of Hearts: look i know i said we need to let them solve this by themselves but  
Mom of Hearts: i am concern  
Mushroom Man: kalim is crying   
Mushroom Man: he is crying so much  
Mushroom Man: floyd says “oasis maker but the water comes from his eyes” and i know this is serious but i really want to laugh  
Shinji Hirako: im trying to find jamil  
Shinji Hirako: hes not in the dorms…  
Pet Owner: ???? excuse me tf is happening  
Kokichi Kin: uhhhhhhh  
wiwiwa: dramabia (scarabia drama)  
Kokichi Kin: lilia i am wheezing this is supposed to be serious  
wiwiwa: :p  
Shinji Hirako: update: hes not anywhere near the dorms as well  
Mom of Hearts: code black orange, everyone  
Mom of Hearts: objective: find jamil and make sure he doesnt do anything stupid

[I overblotted and all i got was this stupid groupchat]

Yuu: @Riddle Rosehearts @leona @Squiggle anything?  
Squiggle: hes not answering his phone  
Squiggle: i left him a message but i dont think he’ll listen to it  
Yuu: damn  
Riddle Rosehearts: Trey just jumped out the window?  
Yuu: wHAT  
Riddle Rosehearts: He scaled down a tree and just took off.  
Riddle Rosehearts: What the fuck.  
leona: what else can we even do now  
Yuu: i dunno…  
Riddle Rosehearts: Trey messaged me  
Riddle Rosehearts: Jamil’s missing.  
Yuu: shit  
Yuu: are there spells or anything that can track him  
leona: the magic within the dorms disrupt tracking spells  
Squiggle: theres a potion, but its very complicated and requires a lot  
Yuu: like what  
Squiggle: the base ingredient is distilled tears of a merperson, and you need enough to fill a standard sized cauldron made of solid pearl  
leona: damn  
leona: then get crying, bitch  
Squiggle: dO YOU THINK ITS SO EASY TO CRY A CAULDRON OF TEARS  
leona: u probably already have enough in stock, mr mafioso  
Squiggle: u right  
Riddle Rosehearts: A pearl cauldron? Aren’t those national treasures?  
Squiggle: i have a way to get one :)  
Yuu: im not even surprised that azul can get that  
Squiggle: one of u go tell jade or floyd “time is a gift and that's why it's called the present” then when they ask you “what is your cat on?” say “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” and theyll get u the tank of merperson tears, then u need to bring it to the alchemy lab  
leona: yknow, merperson tears are pretty explosive when distilled  
leona: but i wont ask why u have explosive liquids in storage  
Squiggle: always be prepared :)

[PM between Squiggle and Whirlpool]  
Squiggle: can you come to the alchemy lab  
Whirlpool: will u promise not to cut my legs off again  
Squiggle: so thats a no  
Whirlpool: sTOP CUTTING MY LEGS OFF  
Squiggle: this is called brotherly love  
Whirlpool: no, the shenanigans jade and floyd get up to is brotherly love  
Whirlpool: this is brotherly abuse  
Squiggle: fine i promise not to cut ur legs or arms off  
Squiggle: now will u get to the lab  
Whirlpool: fine ill go  
Whirlpool: whats going on anyway  
Squiggle: tldr jamils missing  
Whirlpool: WHAT  
Whirlpool: AND U DIDNT TELL ME  
Whirlpool: WHORE  
Squiggle: thats the 2nd time today that someones called me a whore  
Whirlpool: because u are one  
Whirlpool: i am literally dating jamils cousin  
Whirlpool: and u didnt think to tell me or him that jamil is missing  
Squiggle: will u just get to the lab  
Whirlpool: arent u the potions prodigy here  
Squiggle: ur good but also not as good as me lol  
Squiggle: but no i need ur unique magic  
Whirlpool: … ah  
Whirlpool: i didnt want to reveal it  
Whirlpool: but i guess i have no choice hm  
Squiggle: yep  
Squiggle: oh i can hear ur footsteps

[PM between Whirlpool and Pet Owner]  
Whirlpool: hi prof crewel sorry im gonna turn ur cauldron into pearl  
Pet Owner: ????  
Pet Owner: coriolis does this have to do with the disappearance of jamil  
Pet Owner: ???  
Pet Owner: answer ur messages smh  
Whirlpool: hi yes sorry it took a lot out of me to do that  
Whirlpool: and yes my whore of a brother is making the tracking potion  
Pet Owner: do you have all the ingredients  
Whirlpool: yep  
Pet Owner: good, plus you two are 2/4 of the only students ill trust to be in the alchemy labs without me being present  
Pet Owner: the third is missing and the fourth is probably busy with his beauty regime or sth  
Whirlpool: gee thanks prof crewel  
Whirlpool: i just hope we can get this potion done in time… 

[MILF (+2 DILF) Alliance]  
Mushroom Mam: update: kalim’s also missing  
Mom of Hearts: hes what now  
Shinji Hirako: oh yeah i just saw him take off into the sky on his magic carpet  
Mom of Hearts: and u DIDNT THINK TO STOP HIM  
Shinji Hirako: look vil was texting me ok  
Shinji Hirako: if ur bf (who is a needy bitch) texted u, would u not drop everything to text him back  
Shinji Hirako: also at this moment, kalims the one person who has the most chance in finding snake boy  
wiwiwa: im telling vil u called him a needy bitch   
Shinji Hirako: no wait


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the conclusion...

[PM between Prince Kali and Space Jam]  
Prince Kali: i know u dont wanna hear me talk but thats ok  
Prince Kali: ill just text u everything i want to say to u :)  
Prince Kali: we can just sit back to back like this  
Prince Kali: i love you so much  
Prince Kali: and it doesnt matter what my family, or anyone says  
Prince Kali: ill love you until the ends of time  
Prince Kali: because youre worth everything to me  
Prince Kali: so please come back with me  
Prince Kali: but even if you dont want to, thats okay  
Prince Kali: because ill wait for you   
Prince Kali: yuu taught me that “ohana” means family  
Prince Kali: and family means that no one gets left behind or forgotten  
Prince Kali: and ill never forget you, or leave you behind  
Prince Kali: i give my life, my heart, my soul to you, so please entrust your own to me  
Prince Kali: …   
Space Jam: …   
Space Jam: okay  
Space Jam: i dont really feel like talking  
Space Jam: can i just text for now?  
Prince Kali: of course, my love  
Space Jam: i think i need to apologise  
Prince Kali: for what  
Space Jam: for everything ive put you through  
Space Jam: betrayal, overblotting, just everything   
Prince Kali: jamil, its okay  
Prince Kali: i forgive you for everything  
Space Jam: …  
Space Jam: can we go back now?  
Prince Kali: sure

[Friends in High Places]

Whirlpool: can someone get me i feel lik im pasing out  
Eyes Emoji: where r u  
Whirlpool: lab  
Llamas?: im closer, ill go get him  
Eyes Emoji: wonder why hes there  
Llamas?: dunno  
Llamas?: maybe he just wants to brew sth  
Llamas?: or maybe he ran out of mer to human transformation potions  
Eyes Emoji: he rations em tho  
Eyes Emoji: tbh i dont know why he wants to always be human  
Eyes Emoji: its more comfy being in ur true form anyways  
Llamas?: hes a merman, kanna  
Llamas?: he literally cant survive on land without water  
Eyes Emoji: still  
Eyes Emoji: hiss hiss motherfucker  
Llamas?: found him  
Llamas?: sigh  
Eyes Emoji: are his legs gone  
Llamas?: yep  
Eyes Emoji: sigh  
Eyes Emoji: mkay, bring him over or sth  
Llamas?: hey kanna  
Eyes Emoji: yes ylfrit  
Llamas?: yknow, hes still bleeding from his legs right  
Eyes Emoji: yep  
Llamas?: wanna see how long of a blood trail i can make before professor trein catches me  
Eyes Emoji: hell yeah, fucking do it

[MILF (+2 DILF) Alliance]

Shinji Hirako: oi everyone  
Shinji Hirako: otter has returned to the sandcastle with snake  
Shinji Hirako: pack up, everyone  
Mom of Hearts: oh thank god hes alive  
Shinji Hirako: uh  
Mom of Hearts: IS HE ALIVE OR NOT, YOU FERMENTED PIECE OF SHIT  
Mushroom Man: :o  
Mushroom Man: holy shit  
Shinji Hirako: he doesnt look like hes moving and otter has him in a bridal carry hold  
Shinji Hirako: oh theyre going inside   
Kokichi Kin: urgh i know its off topic but does someone know how to tell the 2 actual parents to take care of their actual baby  
Kokichi Kin: leona needs to learn that when the baby cries at night, it is Not a sign for him to wake ME up  
Mushroom Man: wake me up inside  
Kokichi Kin: SAVE ME  
Mom of Hearts: sigh  
wiwiwa: im happy to take care of the baby tbh  
wiwiwa: itll be just like silver again  
wiwiwa: oh, i still remember silvers childhood  
wiwiwa: he was just a wittle baby  
Mushroom Man: @Kokichi Kin how does it feel to be dating an ageless vampire  
Kokichi Kin: we arent dating???  
wiwiwa: not yet  
Kokichi Kin: sfkjjnrgjffskjnj  
Mushroom Man: if u two date, does that make ruggie malleus’ step dad  
Mushroom Man: and also silver’s step dad as well  
Kokichi Kin: …  
Kokichi Kin: DOES THAT MEAN I COULD BE LEONA’S FATHER IN LAW  
wiwiwa: dkjfgjngkjfdsnj yep  
Kokichi Kin: @wiwiwa so uh  
Kokichi Kin: we havent officially asked each other out so  
Kokichi Kin: will u date me?  
wiwiwa: omg YES  
wiwiwa: took u long enough u silly hyena <3 <3 <3  
Shinji Hirako: well today started with a baby and ended with a relationship  
Shinji Hirako: how wonderful~

[Calling: Kalim]  
[Hi, its Kalim! I’m not here right now, so leave a message after the beep! Eh, Jamil, is this what I’m supposed to say? Ah, okay then-]  
[Beep]  
[Kalim, I… I love you too. I don’t know if I can handle a romantic relationship right now, but… we can talk about it? Definitely tomorrow, though. You’re already asleep now, so… Um. Right. Good night, Kalim. Have sweet dreams.]  
[Message sent at 11:02 pm]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and with that, we have reached 100 pages on google docs!!! *toots party horn*  
> this wouldnt have been possible without everyone's support, so id really like to thank everyone for reading, giving kudos and commenting  
> without yall's support, i would have given up before ch 10 uwu  
> ill definitely keep posting and writing about these dumbasses for a very long time, because i, dia have a dream, and that is for this fic to be the number one kudosed fic in the twisted wonderland fandom!


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uwu,,,,,,

[PM between Prince Kali and Space Jam]  
Prince Kali: are u feeling up to talking yet? its ok if ur not tho!  
Space Jam: not really up to verbal communication rn  
Space Jam: kalim  
Prince Kali: yes?  
Space Jam: i feel like i need to explain what happened  
Space Jam: and why i reacted like that  
Prince Kali: you dont need to do anything  
Prince Kali: dont ever feel obligated to do something because i ask or anything  
Space Jam: no its  
Space Jam: its fine  
Space Jam: this is something i need to say  
Prince Kali: okay  
Space Jam: remember that video? its been deleted, but yesterday i got a text from my sister  
Space Jam: both our fathers have seen that video  
Prince Kali: … oh no  
Space Jam: i just   
Space Jam: i   
Prince Kali: jamil?  
Prince Kali: ur not up to typing anymore?  
Prince Kali: mm ok ill type then  
Prince Kali: whatever happens, ill always protect you  
Prince Kali: youve always protected me, and now its my turn to show u that i can protect u too  
Space Jam: h  
Prince Kali: hm?  
Space Jam: check ur other messages  
Prince Kali: oh  
Prince Kali: oh no  
Space Jam: we’re fucked

[PM between Kokichi Kin and wiwiwa]  
[Kokichi Kin sent a picture]  
Kokichi Kin: ur sleeping son  
wiwiwa: awwwwwww  
wiwiwa: he is ur son now too uwu  
Kokichi Kin: :o  
Kokichi Kin: aw  
Kokichi Kin: well our son is attracting all sorts of woodland creatures  
Kokichi Kin: rabbits, deer, songbirds…  
wiwiwa: oh thats normal  
Kokichi Kin: i know, but why  
wiwiwa: dunno  
Kokichi Kin: is that rook- sfngjkagr  
wiwiwa: huh  
Kokichi Kin: he took out a crossbow and aimed at the animals  
Kokichi Kin: but then he put it back  
Kokichi Kin: all pomefiore members scare me so much  
wiwiwa: aww its ok  
wiwiwa: do u um,,,want to cuddle with me,,,  
Kokichi Kin: hell yeah!!

[PM between Pet Owner and Whirlpool]  
Pet Owner: care to explain  
Whirlpool: uh  
Whirlpool: ylfrit thought it would be funny to drag my regenerating body around campus instead of waiting till i fully regenerated?  
Pet Owner: i guessed that, im talking about the cauldron  
Pet Owner: the cauldron that used to cost a few hundred madol but is now a national treasure  
Whirlpool: oh  
Whirlpool: that  
Pet Owner: yes, that  
Whirlpool: ok so this is supposed to be a secret but it was an emergency  
Whirlpool: on paper, it says i dont have a unique magic  
Whirlpool: that is bullshit  
Whirlpool: my unique magic “Touch of Treasures” lets me turn things into valuable substances that are found in or under the sea, aka pearl, gold, oil, etc etc  
Whirlpool: as long as it naturally occurs within the sea, i can transmute objects into that  
Whirlpool: but it takes a lot outta me, especially with bigger items  
Whirlpool: also if any of my limbs are cut off they become gold/pearl  
Pet Owner: …  
Pet Owner: first of all, thanks for trusting me with this secret  
Pet Owner: and is this why azul keeps cutting ur legs off  
Pet Owner: i thought he just hated u so he just kept doing it  
Whirlpool: oh, we do hate each other  
Whirlpool: azul just gets to make a quick buck by selling my legs on the black market  
Whirlpool: i had to transfer because i couldnt stand having my legs cut off every day  
Whirlpool: get it? i couldnt… _stand_ it  
Pet Owner: … sometimes u concern me  
Whirlpool: uwu  
Whirlpool: ok now u have to answer a question of mine  
Pet Owner: alright, what is it  
Whirlpool: is it crewel-crowley or crowley-crewel  
Pet Owner: …

[PM between Pet Owner and CawCaw]  
Pet Owner: dIRE-


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as of this chapter, this fic is now the most kudosed fic in the twisted wonderland fandom!!!  
> once again, id like to thank everyone for making this possible~  
> and if u need me, ill be off crying tears of happiness in the corner-

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts → Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Prince Kali → Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Waluigi → Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Joepel Jofelmier → Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Squiggle: has anyone see jamil today  
Squiggle: i mean i dont blame him for being absent but like  
Mushroom Man: oya oya are u _concerned_  
Squiggle: NO  
CawCaw: oh, he and kalim took the week off  
Fiyero: wait u can do that?  
Fabulous: u literally dont come to class at all  
Fiyero: ye lol  
[Joepel Jofelmier changed their name to Buff Baby]  
Shinji Hirako: uwu why the sudden change  
Buff Baby: its an inside joke thing  
Yiff: i cant believe uve done this  
Yuu: ayyyyyy  
CawCaw: but yes they arent on campus rn  
CawCaw: some sort of family emergency, i believe  
Yuu: …  
leona: this is all ur fault, azul  
Squiggle: wh  
Squiggle: AGAIN?  
[Prince Kali changed their name to Qolqolah]  
[Qolqolah changed Riddle Rosehearts’ nickname to Widdle]  
[Qolqolah changed Waluigi’s nickname to Wah]  
Qolqolah: sorry just came on to meme ok bye  
Widdle: ??????????? KALIM  
Wah: ...  
Wah: i guess this is my life now  
Wah: wah  
leona: frkjrehgjk  
Qolqolah: oh and  
[Qolqolah added Space Jam to the chat]  
Qolqolah: see yall in a bit-

[PM between Qolqolah and Space Jam]  
Qolqolah: jam are u ok  
Space Jam: no  
Space Jam: m trying to distract myself with puzzle games  
Space Jam: its not workin  
Qolqolah: i promise u that i wont let anything happen to u, and ill keep my word  
Qolqolah: do u trust me?  
Space Jam: i-  
Space Jam: … what?  
Qolqolah: do you trust me?  
Space Jam: ...  
Space Jam: yes, i do  
Qolqolah: :)  
Space Jam: lets just keep texting for a bit more?  
Space Jam: dont wanna talk  
Qolqolah: ofc  
Qolqolah: what level are u on  
Space Jam: 1314  
Qolqolah: damn  
Qolqolah: well  
Qolqolah: we’re here  
Space Jam: kalim  
Qolqolah: yes?  
Space Jam: i love you  
Qolqolah: me too, jamil  
Qolqolah: ill open the doors now  
Space Jam: …  
Qolqolah: …

[Dom Chat]

Buff Baby: and thats why i think that we should be allowed to perform country dances in the upcoming rsa vs nrc talent competition  
Fabulous: compelling, but sadly weve already got stuff planned  
Buff Baby: are u sure its not just because u dont want to do number 17  
Fiyero: whats number 17 again  
Buff Baby: _the spread eagle_  
Fabulous: oh its not that  
Fabulous: we’ll make an official announcement in the next few days  
leona: urgh  
Qolqolah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
Yiff: ??????  
Waluigi: huh?  
Yuu: kalim whats wrong  
Space Jam: … my EYES  
Shinji Hirako: ?? www  
Qolqolah: kill me  
Space Jam: same  
Yuu: no dying >:/  
Space Jam: trust me, if u had been there, if u had seen it, i bet that u would want to die as well  
Qolqolah: i-  
Qolqolah: i need some time to process this mess  
Shinji Hirako: now i really wanna know wwww


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah yes  
> chapter

Usernames:  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Kalim’s father (Amir): Little Pea  
Jamil’s father (Zaafer): Train kun  
Kalim’s mother (Jasmine): Matriarch  
Jamil’s mother (Amber): Tea sis

[Boohbah]

Qolqolah: i am going to dunk my head in this fountain to wash away the images  
Space Jam: ^  
Matriarch: Boys, weren’t you meeting with your fathers?  
Space Jam: we have _seen_ things   
Little Pea: oh hey~  
Little Pea: u 2 left so suddenly lolol  
Qolqolah: YEAH NO SHIT, DAD  
Matriarch: Oh?   
Matriarch: What have you two been doing again?  
Little Pea: oh, yknow  
Little Pea: uwu  
Matriarch: Oh, that.  
Qolqolah: wait u KNOW  
Matriarch: Kalim, I’ve been married to your father for 19 years, of _course_ I know that he’s screwing his personal servant/assistant.  
Space Jam: ...mother?  
Tea sis: Jamil, this has been going on before you were born.  
Space Jam: mother i dont want to know this  
Tea sis: I remember when I first discovered that my husband was a bottom.  
Space Jam: _mom stop ur killing me_  
Tea sis: Jamil you need to understand this.  
Tea sis: I love my husband, and he loves me. But he also loves Amir. And honestly, that’s fine.  
Qolqolah: urghhhhhhhh i already have so many brothers  
Qolqolah: i dont want jamil to be my brother too  
Qolqolah: no offence but id rather date him,,,  
Space Jam: …   
Train kun: ,,,  
Little Pea: Zaafer~ My love~  
Train Kun: _Kalim, Jamil im very sorry for what you two had to see_   
Space Jam: u better fucking be, father  
Little Pea: :3c  
Qolqolah: i feel like weve been inducted into a secret cult  
Matriarch: It do be like that sometimes.  
Qolqolah: MOM  
Little Pea: Jasmine~ My other love!  
Little Pea: and Amber~ Zaafer’s love!  
Tea sis: Did you run out of tea.  
Little Pea: ...yes  
Matriarch: I’ll get it.  
Little Pea: oh ya jamil  
Space Jam: yes sir?  
Little Pea: none of this sir thing, we’re all family here  
Space Jam: sir with all due respect  
Space Jam: this is the very last thing i want to hear from you  
Space Jam: especially after what we saw u doing with my dad  
Little Pea: oh lol  
Little Pea: yknow what they say  
Little Pea: its _fun for the whole family-_ fskldjf/dks  
Train kun: … no.  
Tea sis: Nice shot.  
Tea sis: 10/10 because he deserved it.  
Matriarch: 9/10.  
Space Jam: urgh  
Little Pea: but srsly  
Little Pea: its ok  
Little Pea: u wont be punished or anything, in fact im very proud of u for not repressing ur feelings anymore *sparkles*  
Space Jam: … thanks  
Qolqolah: :D yayyyyy  
Tea sis: Now will you boys come back into the shade and have some tea with us?  
Qolqolah: ok auntie!  
Matriarch: Oh look, a beetle.  
Train kun: sdjfk;gejrkgjkrllkw  
Space Jam: ajks;hkegarkhrekjfsdmsd  
Little Pea: ahahaha! like father, like son, huh~  
Qolqolah: ahahahahaha~  
Tea sis: Boys…  
Matriarch: Oh by the way, did you two realise that Zaafer’s username is Train kun because he ra-  
Qolqolah: HHHHHHHHHH  
Space Jam: NOPE NOPE NOPE  
Train kun: … isn’t it the opposite  
Space Jam: FATHER I WILL THROW COCKROACHES ONTO YOUR BED  
Little Pea: its my bed too >:3c  
Qolqolah: … ill help u, jamil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont have anything special to say for their names except its a personal gc thing lol


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the new arc: Interschool Talent Competition!  
> are you REAAADYYYYYY :)

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Fabulous: new announcement is out~ also, savanaclaw-pomefiore joint meeting in 15 mins @ savanaclaw’s magishift stadium  
Buff Baby: wut  
Fabulous: u heard me, tater tot  
Yiff: o fuck im on the other side of campus  
Yiff: @Buff Baby where u at  
Buff Baby: huh?  
Buff Baby: uhh, cafeteria  
Buff Baby: why  
Yiff: on my way  
Buff Baby: i am confusion  
leona: get ur asses over here smh  
Qolqolah: oh shit is the announcements today  
Widdle: Don’t worry, Scarabia was excused from the dorm performance, right?  
Qolqolah: ya lol  
Yuu: can someone fill me in i am very confused  
Wah: it is the interschool talent show  
Wah: nrc vs rsa  
Yuu: ah  
Yuu: suddenly everything makes sense  
Yuu: so...what yall gonna be doing  
Widdle: There’s 4 categories to the competition: Solo, Duo, Group, and School.  
Widdle: Each performance gets points from the judges.  
Widdle: Bad performances, or rule breaking ones can mean a negative mark.  
Widdle: Also, the school category’s weighing is much more than the other categories so that is where everyone goes all out.  
Yuu: ahhh  
Yuu: thanks, riddle  
Widdle: You’re welcome.  
Fiyero: ignihyde does all the tech stuff for the nrc performances so i dont need to show up yay  
Wah: Diasomnia is participating in the combat rounds, however some of our members will be doing some of the other 3 talent categories.  
Qolqolah: Scarabia’s doing the opening parade~ and jamil’s signed up for a solo performance, tho he wont tell me what~  
Space Jam: because youd spill the beans asap  
Qolqolah: tru  
Squiggle: octavinelle is quite busy organising everything business related  
Mushroom Man: indeed  
Mushroom Man: fufufu~ i have never seen floyd so focused~  
Widdle: Heartslabyul has been doing other behind the scenes stuff, such as prop preparation, costume designing, etc.  
Yuu: so that leaves… savanaclaw and pomefiore to be the main performers  
Mom of Hearts: yep  
Fabulous: i cant believe epel showed up to the meeting on jack’s back  
leona: but u gotta admit it looked pretty impressive  
leona: great now hes going to add it in to the dance somehow  
Fiyero: ugh  
Fiyero: hes terrifying  
Widdle: … I never knew he could be like that.  
Mom of Hearts: same  
Squiggle: _now_ do yall believe that hes a _conniving bastard_  
leona: nah  
leona: survival of the fittest, and hes showing his dominance by actually using a whip oh my god  
leona: THATS CREWELS WHIP  
Yuu: yknow i never thought to ask but is that whip enchanted  
Mushroom Man: yes  
Mushroom Man: :)  
Yuu: … do i want to know what the enchantment is  
Mushroom Man: fufufu~  
Mushroom Man: it turns people into animals for 5 mins per strike  
Yuu: ohhhh   
Fabulous: is this karma for me using it  
Qolqolah: yes  
Space Jam: yes  
leona: yes  
Fabulous: fuck  
Yuu: wait im confused  
Yuu: isnt vil the one in charge of the performance?  
Fiyero: … no  
Squiggle: its my brother  
Squiggle: he has been granted supreme power over anything event related  
Yuu: oh dear  
wiwiwa: lenore is missing his momma  
wiwiwa: leona come here  
leona: ii camtr moxeve  
Yiff: hes been turned into a lion for misbehaviour  
wiwiwa: oop  
Squiggle: someone will die by the end of this  
Squiggle: mark my words


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 2 of the interschool talent competition arc~  
> more things are revealed~

Usernames:  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Jamil: Space Jam  
The Player: Yuu

[I overblotted and all i got was this stupid groupchat]

leona: this is Hell  
leona: i barely get to spend any time with mal or lenore  
leona: ughhhh  
Squiggle: u think u have it bad?  
Squiggle: coriolis has a personal vendetta against me  
Squiggle: the amount of things that “require Octavinelle’s dorm leader’s personal signature” is way too much  
leona: we practice dance til our feet bleed  
leona: and if we mess up, he hits us with that whip  
Widdle: wow…   
Widdle: … Was I worse?  
leona: ehh  
leona: sorta the same level  
Yuu: geez… hes going a bit too far, isnt he  
Space Jam: i leave for 2 days to practice and this is what happens  
Yuu: oh u left campus to practice?  
Space Jam: campus doesnt have the things i need  
leona: i think savanaclaw’s planning a revolt  
leona: i heard some of them say they were going to break the stage  
Widdle: … Good luck dealing with the fallout  
Yuu: i saw coriolis in the halls a few days ago, he looked _horrible_   
Yuu: really stressed  
leona: hes been saying that he wants things to be “absolutely perfect”  
leona: he gets a bit twitchy when he says that  
Yuu: … does anyone want to change their bets  
leona: honestly, yeah  
leona: id double my previous bet but the next one is definitely him  
Squiggle: mmh, i doubt it  
Squiggle: im changing my bet, but to vil  
Squiggle: rook told me that vil was falling behind on his beauty regime  
Yuu: alright, any more changes  
Space Jam: nah im fine  
Space Jam: also guess where im at now  
[Space Jam sent a photo]  
Yuu: ooh, snow!  
Widdle: Hm… Are you in Pyroxene?  
Space Jam: yep  
Yuu: thats where jack is from!!!  
leona: looks cold  
Widdle: Well, Pyroxene is in a different area of the world.  
Space Jam: im training with a coach so i can be in top shape for the talent show  
Yuu: good luck!!  
leona: mmh  
leona: ugh, back to practice  
leona: i was allowed 2 30 min naps/free time a day but thats it  
leona: everyone else only gets mealtimes, night time and abt 15-30 mins of free time off  
leona: everything else is practice, practice, practice  
Widdle: Backstage stuff is stressful too…  
Widdle: We’ve been making the “fairy” costumes first, and it’s already a disaster.  
Widdle: There’s only a few people who know how to sew…  
Yuu: ramshackle doesnt have anything to do  
Squiggle: oh dont worry, he’ll remember u soon  
Yuu: thanks i hate it


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :) :) :) :)

Usernames:  
The Player: Yuu  
Ace: Hart  
Deuce: Deuce  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby  
Sebek: Wakasama

[New additions]  
Kanna: Eyes Emoji  
Ylfrit: Llamas?

[The Scooby Gang]

Hart: i feel like im dying  
Deuce: ace, no  
Deuce: dont die,,,, i love you,,,  
Hart: i see… a light…  
Yiff: *deadpan* oh no  
Buff Baby: *plays mmm whatcha say on the kazoo*  
Wakasama: ace, stay with us!!!  
Yuu: … yall  
Yuu: ok so i gotta add some ppl here   
Hart: are they gonna join my harem  
Hart: sexy harem clothing is optional  
Wakasama: but i already put it on  
Deuce: same  
Hart: fdsjkjjnjsfnfsd  
Wakasama: maybe i want to look pretty, ace  
Buff Baby: #letsebeklookpretty  
Yuu: uh no theyre taken  
Hart: dammit  
Hart: ok yall, get ready to weird em out  
Yiff: hehe  
Buff Baby: ehehehehehe  
[Yuu added Eyes Emoji and Llamas? to the chat]  
Hart: wheres ur harem pants, deuce  
Deuce: oops   
Yiff: wait i think im wearing epels pants  
Buff Baby: deuce are urs red, blue or purple  
Deuce: blue, the purple one is sebeks  
Wakasama: oi give it back  
Eyes Emoji: …   
Llamas?: mine are pink-  
Yuu: ok guys, enough fuckery  
Yuu: now lets get down to business  
Eyes Emoji: can you guys help us  
Eyes Emoji: yall are the infamous problem causing yet problem solving squad  
Eyes Emoji: please   
Yiff: whats even the issue  
Llamas?: coriolis  
Yiff: ah, him  
Buff Baby: ughhhhhhhhhhhhh him  
Buff Baby: sorry i know u 3 are a thing but im so fucking tired of him  
Eyes Emoji: i know  
Eyes Emoji: but hes super stressed too  
Llamas?: truth is, we’re worried about him  
Llamas?: hes had to deal with everything event related, and he really needs to take a break  
Eyes Emoji: but he refuses to listen to us  
Hart: well if he refuses to listen to u guys, what can we do  
Eyes Emoji: the performers are planning a revolt  
Eyes Emoji: theyre sick of his training  
Llamas?: all u guys have to do is to take the whip while hes distracted  
Llamas?: and we’ll try to get him to take a break from there  
Deuce: sounds simple  
Wakasama: Malleus-sama says he wants to spend more time with that lion bastard  
Wakasama: so i guess im in  
Buff Baby: *holds up sign that says down with oppression*  
Yiff: *joins you but since im a wolf im holding it in my mouth*  
Hart: hey   
Deuce: ...yes?  
Hart: feetlejuice  
Deuce: FUCK NOT HTIS AGIAN  
Yiff: oh no  
Eyes Emoji: concern  
Hart: LISTEN THOSE 3 ARE TOTALLY INTO FEET  
Wakasama: oh my godddddddd shut upppppppp  
Hart: @Eyes Emoji @Llamas? are mermen into feet u have to tell us  
Eyes Emoji: what the fuck  
Llamas?: im leaving  
Eyes Emoji: same  
Eyes Emoji: also no  
[Eyes Emoji left the chat]  
[Llamas? left the chat]  
Yuu: lets hope this works…


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aha~ finally the overblot is here~  
> (next chapter will be... different ehehe  
> (uwu

[PM between Eyes Emoji and Llamas?]  
Eyes Emoji: are u sure he wont hate us for this  
Llamas?: like 80% sure  
Eyes Emoji: alright i see em  
Llamas?: ouch thats a big hole in the stage  
Eyes Emoji: … he looks so angry  
Eyes Emoji: yee, did we make a mistake?  
Llamas?: i dunno…   
Llamas?: i dont want to hurt him, but…   
Eyes Emoji: oh trappola’s got the whip  
Eyes Emoji: please please please dont run ur mouth  
Llamas?: wait the raccoon cat is talking  
Eyes Emoji: ah fuck we’re screwed then  
Llamas?: …  
Llamas?: … did that idiot savanaclaw student throw the whip at a very obviously unstable corio  
Eyes Emoji: yes  
Eyes Emoji: if hes still alive, ill salute him  
Llamas?: …  
Eyes Emoji: …  
Eyes Emoji: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT  
Llamas?: OH JEEZ IT LOOKS LIKE SOME OF UNCLE’S FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE  
Eyes Emoji: it looks like the whip’s magic combined with his overblot…  
Llamas?: you sure theres an overblot? theres no giant monster   
Eyes Emoji: theres ink dripping from him  
Eyes Emoji: i guess the whip must have… mutated it  
Llamas?: we need to stop him  
Eyes Emoji: ready when you are, yee

[PM between Fabulous and leona]  
Fabulous: heads up leona, im going to be running late to practice  
Fabulous: rook messed up his eyeliner   
Fabulous: ugh… i hate being a peacock  
leona: … yeah, about that.  
leona: do u know where azul is  
Fabulous: oh i just passed him in the corridor  
leona: tell him that he should either run, or head to savanaclaw rn if he doesnt want to be responsible for the large amount of property damage  
Fabulous: ?  
leona: theres a big problem  
leona: an eldritch, ink-dripping problem  
Fabulous: i fail to understand  
leona: oh for fucks sake   
leona: coriolis overblotted now get azul here before he gets through the mirror and destroys the school  
Fabulous: … ah  
Fabulous: ill get him then  
leona: gddjjfjsdfknds  
Fabulous: ? leona?   
leona: t̸̢̛̗ŕ̷̦͑y̷͓̋i̸̻̗̐ņ̷͉͐g̵̨̣ ̶̻̹͑̎t̸̫̦̉̑o̵̢͆͐ ̸̟̖͗͠g̶̖͕̽͝e̶͓̎t̴̬͙͂ ̸̬͈͠h̸̳̄͛e̶͔̞̋ḽ̸̏͘p̴̨̛̻͝?̶̛̺̟̒ ̷͚͑  
Fabulous: … ah  
leona: t̵e̶l̸l̴ ̷a̵z̷u̸l̵ ̴t̷h̷a̸t̷ ̵i̸f̵ ̴h̶e̴ ̵f̴a̷i̵l̵s̶ ̴t̸o̷ ̵s̶h̶o̸w̸ ̷u̸p̶,̷ ̸i̴l̵l̴ ̸s̴t̵a̸r̵t̴ ̷a̸c̵t̵u̵a̸l̴l̴y̸ ̵k̴i̵l̴l̴i̸n̴g̴ ̷t̸h̶e̷m̵ ̵o̷f̶f̴

[PM between Kokichi Kin and wiwiwa]  
Kokichi Kin: lilia  
wiwiwa: yes dear  
Kokichi Kin: can u look to the magishift training arena and tell me what u see  
wiwiwa: okie  
wiwiwa: ahhh  
wiwiwa: well theres a giant hole in the stage  
wiwiwa: theres also a bunch of golden statues?  
wiwiwa: oh hey i see u  
wiwiwa: uh  
Kokichi Kin: yes my legs have been turned into gold and i cant move  
wiwiwa: … oh my  
Kokichi Kin: leona was turned completely into gold for trying to warn azul im risking my life doing this  
Kokichi Kin: get malleus  
wiwiwa: hes not at school today  
Kokichi Kin: WHAT  
wiwiwa: his mom wanted to see her grandson  
wiwiwa: he wont be back til evening  
Kokichi Kin: just great  
Kokichi Kin: welp if we all die by turning into gold statues im going to haunt malleus forever  
wiwiwa: tbh i dont think i can fight that monster without losing a limb in the process  
Kokichi Kin: can u get anyone to help u  
wiwiwa: everyone in diasomnia is tired out after practicing so much  
Kokichi Kin: welp  
Kokichi Kin: guess we’ll die

[PM between Mushroom Man and Lobster Boy]  
Mushroom Man: Floyd?  
Lobster Boy: yes jade~  
Mushroom Man: where are you  
Lobster Boy: uhhhhhhhhh  
Lobster Boy: i dunno~  
Mushroom Man: what  
Lobster Boy: owo  
Mushroom Man: … are you lost?  
Lobster Boy: ówò  
Mushroom Man: …   
Lobster Boy: .. nee, jade~  
Mushroom Man: … ee, floyd  
Lobster Boy: is that a monster trying to murder azul~  
Mushroom Man: no thats coriolis  
Mushroom Man: professor crewel’s whip combined with his overblot to make that  
Mushroom Man: i dont know where they are right now, but i see that youve found them  
Lobster Boy: ehh~  
Lobster Boy: geez~ coro-chan looks angry~  
Mushroom Man: would u mind telling me what theyre doing rn?  
Lobster Boy: okie~  
Lobster Boy: coro-chan is strangling azul~  
Mushroom Man: … ah  
Lobster Boy: hes saying sth~  
Lobster Boy: “just die so i can be absolutely perfect for once in my life”  
Mushroom Man: oh my  
Lobster Boy: ehh~ the firsties are here~  
Lobster Boy: someone pass the popcorn~  
Mushroom Man: …  
Mushroom Man: *passes you popcorn*  
Lobster Boy: ehe~ thanks, jade~  
Mushroom Man: anything for my brother~


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fun fact 4 means death so i guess 2 things die this chapter: my soul from not sleeping and my fingers from EDITING THIS WHOLE THING IN AO3  
> chapter warning: dark stuff, thoughts of murder, uhhh horrible parenting

_From the day I was born, I was already corrupted by him._

"Azul got 100 on his test today. Huh, you got a 98? Well that's not as good as Azul. Try harder, won’t you… wretched brat."  
“Yes, mother.”  
~  
"Azul brewed a perfect potion on his first try, and he’s the first in his year. You need to be more like him, Coriolis. You got first place in your potions’ class? Azul must have helped you."  
“Thank you, teacher.”  
~  
"Azul got into Night Raven College! If you were more like him, you might get in too."  
“...”

_Even getting into Night Raven was a sin disguised as a blessing._

“Ashengrotto? Like the Octavinelle dorm leader? You got into Octavinelle like him, that’s cool! Hey, how’s he like? I heard that he’s got a super cool unique magic!”  
~  
“Hey, it’s Azul’s little brother.”  
~  
“Wh-who are you? Why are you doing this to me?”  
“That brother of yours took everything from me! I can’t wait to see the look on his face after I’m done with you!”  
“Wha- no, stop! Please! Stop this!”  
“If you wanted me to stop, then maybe you shouldn’t have been his younger brother.”  
“NO! STOP-”

**Crack. Clink.**

“Hm? Did we always have this gold statue here?”  
“Who knows, NRC’s always changing up their stuff after all.”

_Aah, so this is the fate of the younger. Dorm leader Leona was right. The younger brother never gets what they want. Life is never fair…_

“Mr. Ashengrotto, I’ve noticed that you’ve been practicing your dancing excessively. Your dance shoes are getting so bloody they’re turning from white to pink.”  
“...sorry, teacher. im new to the two-legged thing, and-”  
“Did you injure your throat singing too much again?”  
“... “  
“You need to take a break, Coriolis. It’s not healthy for you to keep pushing yourself like this.”

_But teacher, don’t you see? If I don’t push myself to be perfect, what else can I do?  
I have to be **Absolutely Perfect.**  
But perfection is the limit. I can’t exceed Azul with just “Perfect”.  
If I have to exceed perfection, I have to… _

_I have to remove the most perfect person.  
This is all for the sake of **Absolute Perfection.**_

“Why is my brother in your dorm, Kingscholar?”  
“Dropping all pleasantries, Ashengrotto?”  
“Answer me.”  
“Didn’t your mommy teach you if you don’t take care of what’s yours, someone else will take it? He’s my responsibility now.”  
~  
“Greetings, Mr. Ashengrotto. I am Ekman, and your brother sent me here for your protection.”  
“...”  
~  
“I don’t need bodyguards!”  
“It’s to keep you safe, Coriolis.”  
“Safe from your enemies?”  
“... You don’t need to worry. You’ll be very well protected.”

_I want to be perfect. No, I want to be better than perfect.  
When will I ever get my wishes granted?  
If he’s gone… I can be the perfect son, I won’t have to stop at being “Azul’s brother”. I can be my own person, with successes credited to my name! I’ll never have to hide behind false names ever again…  
I’ll finally be **Absolutely Perfect.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now a quote from my good friend AlphAOmegA151, who patiently listened to my rantings about the overblot  
> Under the sea, where everyone has Issues  
> thank you  
> (this overblot took reference from leona, jamil and my own issues- i mean what  
> (hahahaha i dont have issues ahahahahaah... *realises that ive been projecting my issues* oh.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wooooo hes alive   
> yeah i didnt kill him off, i am so very yasashi

Usernames:  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Jamil: Space Jam  
The Player: Yuu  
Coriolis: Whirlpool

[I overblotted and all i got was this stupid groupchat]

Squiggle: when i said someone was going to die by the end of this, i didnt think it would be me  
leona: bruh i nearly died too  
leona: smh   
leona: i didnt even know he could do that with his unique magic  
Squiggle: coriolis has 100% murdered someone before   
Widdle: I believe his reasons for overblotting are very understandable  
leona: yeah if you were my brother id overblot too  
Space Jam: yoooooo burn  
Yuu: the fuck are yall doing  
Widdle: Debating on whether Coriolis gets access to this group  
Yuu: well of course he does  
leona: ha, its 4 to 1  
Widdle: Coriolis deserves a safe space to talk about his problems, so if you try to ruin it for him it will be Off With Your Head, Azul  
Squiggle: fine  
Yuu: wait i dont have his number  
[leona added Whirlpool to the chat]  
Whirlpool: wh  
leona: name says it all  
leona: thanks for netting me 2000 madol  
Whirlpool: …   
Squiggle: .  
Yuu: now you two behave  
Whirlpool: maybe if he wasnt such a bitch he wouldnt have been my target  
Squiggle: excuse you  
Whirlpool: you heard me  
Whirlpool: maybe if you cared for anything other than your contracts for once in ur life, this would have turned out differently  
Squiggle: Excuse You  
Squiggle: i do care for you  
Whirlpool: u sure dont act like it  
Squiggle: you didnt want my bodyguards nor my protection  
Whirlpool: i dont want them because i want to be free   
Whirlpool: and i Dont want to be associated with you even more than i already am  
Whirlpool: i want my own life away from _your_ successes  
Whirlpool: but ill never be out of your shadow   
Whirlpool: i will never be successful on my own because of you  
[Whirlpool left the chat]  
Squiggle: …  
leona: well.  
Widdle: … Wow.  
leona: that… hit a bit close to home  
Space Jam: same  
leona: ill go check on him  
Squiggle: …  
Squiggle: i  
Squiggle: i never knew he felt this way  
Squiggle: he was always just my cute younger brother that needed my protection  
Yuu: did you ever consider that he didnt need your protection  
Squiggle: i made a lot of enemies, prefect  
Yuu: then make a distinction between you and him  
Yuu: he is obviously a very capable young man, but he doesnt want to get dragged into ur mafia mess  
Yuu: sort things out with him, and for the love of god stop cutting his legs off  
Widdle: ^ What they said.  
Space Jam: same  
leona: hes sulking in his room  
Yuu: cant u get him out  
leona: his room is underwater  
Yuu: oh  
leona: well half his room is  
leona: but hes in his little pot   
leona: ugh ill get his bfs to talk to him  
Yuu: smh why am i the counsellor now  
Widdle: Convenience’s sake  
Space Jam: … by the way, how is the performance practice going  
Widdle: Oh yes, I forgot you weren’t here.  
Widdle: Coriolis held a meeting with us (dorm heads).  
Widdle: He apologized for his actions and gave Professor Crewel his whip back.  
Space Jam: mmh  
Space Jam: anything else?  
leona: hes found a loophole in the rules that’d let him get outside help  
Widdle: Rule 312, subsection A: In the event that a student is part of a non-student organization, they may use all resources of said organization  
Space Jam: … so  
Widdle: So for the last few days, the other 4 members of Venus’ Comb has been leading the performers and choreographing more dancing  
Space Jam: …  
Space Jam: wait  
Space Jam: WAIT  
leona: lmao  
Space Jam: WHAT THE FUCK

[PM between Space Jam and Qolqolah]   
Space Jam: OKAY, WERE YOU NOT GOING TO TELL ME THAT ONE OF MY COUSIN’S BOYFRIENDS WAS A PART OF OUR FAVE BAND, OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT FROM RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS, OF ALL PEOPLE  
Qolqolah: ooh haha i forgot u didnt know! :sparkles:  
Space Jam: hmph  
Qolqolah: sorry, jamil! >w<  
Qolqolah: ill make it up to u!!!  
Space Jam: … you better


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> octa cv drop woooooooooooooooooo

[Transcript of Night Raven College’s School Performance]  
This copy belongs to: 🐙  
Main characters:  
Pirate King  
First Mate  
Fairy “Queen” (note: discuss with others if we’re keeping fairy “queen”)  
Fairy Knight  
~~Fairy Prince~~ (do we add a fairy prince?) (update: yes. we do.)  
Sea Monster (Floyd-kun)  
Narration:  
Fairy 1 and Pirate 1 + 2 (geez… how did i get conned into being pirate 2)

{Performance Start}  
Fairy 1: (narration) Once upon a time… well, more like 2 months ago, the pirates and the fairies were fighting. Obviously, the pirates were idiots for picking a fight with the superior fairies-  
Pirate 1: HEY!  
Fairy 1: Ouch!  
[Fairy 1, Pirate 1 and 2 tumble onto stage, wrestling for the mic]  
Pirate 2: (snatches mic) Ha! Now, where were we? The amazing pirates were obviously better than the fairies-  
Fairy 1: (takes mic and holds it above Pirate 1 and 2’s heads) Well, if you guys were better, why can’t you two take the mic from me?  
Pirate 1: Tch…  
Pirate 2: Just tell the story, and no funny business! (pulls out sword)  
Fairy 1: Fine…  
Fairy 1: (continues narration) So, the pirates were fighting because they thought it was fun.  
Pirate 2: … Can’t argue with that.  
Pirate 1: Fighting is fun.  
Fairy 1: And their leader was the best of them all… He was mean, ruthless, and some might even call him… a Beast. (All 3 go backstage)  
(classic fairytale ref)  
[Curtains Open on Set 1: Pirate Deck]  
[Performance 1: What’s My Name]  
**Performance Notes:  
Leona-san needs to remember he is much stronger than Ruggie-san  
Ruggie-san needs to work on his backflip skills  
If Leona-san falls asleep on the throne again I will personally strangle him  
Coordinated dance part needs more cohesion  
Jack → try lifting Ruggie-san? (note: did not work. will make jack lift the throne instead)**  
(full costume prac on friday!)  
(Note: TAIL HOLES)  
[Curtains Close]  
[Change to Set 2: Fairy Palace]  
(Fairy 1, Pirate 1+ 2 enter)  
Pirate 1: Woo yeah! That’s our fearless leader alright!  
Fairy 1: Ugh, ruffians.  
Pirate 2: Like you’re one to talk. Didn’t that Fairy Queen of yours… (make throat slitting motion) the Fairy King?  
Fairy 1: We Do Not Talk About That!  
Pirate 1: Yes, well… Everyone knows about it.  
Fairy 1: You two tell the story then! (shoves mic towards Pirate 1+ 2, storms off stage)  
Pirate 2: Sure.  
Pirate 1: This was allll according to plan…  
Pirate 2: So the fairies were a bunch of massive bi-  
Fairy 1: (offstage) HEY!  
Pirate 1: Fine… The fairies liked pretty things. And their queen was the fairest of them all. Pretty sure he murdered the Fairy King for not being pretty enough for him.  
Pirate 2: Yeah, seems like it,  
Fairy 1: (offstage) Will you two just get on with it?  
Pirate 2: Stop complaining! But fine, we can get on with it. (Pirate 1+ 2 go backstage)  
[Curtains Open on Set 2: Fairy Palace]  
[Performance 2: Rotten To The Core]  
**Performance Notes:  
Vil-san tripped walking down the stairs wwwwwwwwww  
Rook-san needs to stop smiling like a creep  
Epel needs to smile more!!  
Vil-san is a bit. robotic. when dancing  
Dance good, choreo good, the music sucks tho  
Note: add more jazz? (update: the sax sounds nice we can keep it)**  
[Curtains Close, but before they fully close they are wrenched open again by the Pirates, who start “fighting” the fairies]  
Fairy 1: And the feud between the fairies and the pirates was so very intense, it would take a miracle to stop them.  
Pirate 1: You’re right. Fighting is fun and all, but it just gets boring if we fight every day.  
Pirate 2: Well the pirates and the fairies were so engrossed in their feud, they forgot about the giant sea monster.  
Fairy 1, Pirate 1: The what now?  
(play monster screeching noises. Update: we dont need fake monster screeching because floyd-kun can scare the shit out of everyone with creepy laughter)  
(Note: do we get one of the leech twins to play it?)  
(Update: Floyd-kun has offered to play it. Frankly im terrified of him, so this all works out)  
[Curtains are yanked closed, play track 34: monster eating people sounds]  
[Change to Set 3: Ballroom]  
(Pirate King, Fairy Queen, First Mate, Fairy Knight quick change into party outfits)  
Fairy 1: The sea monster ate fairies, and it stopped the pirates from sailing the seas like they usually did!  
Pirate 1: But neither side was able to defeat it! It was too powerful!  
Pirate 2: However, the fairies and the pirates realised one thing: If they worked together, they would be able to defeat the sea monster!  
(fighting sounds increase until the tail of the sea monster flops out from behind the curtain. It is then dragged away as cheering is heard)  
Fairy 1: So in the end, the fairies and the pirates decided to stop fighting and live in harmony.  
Pirate 1: And to celebrate their victory over the sea monster, they held a grand party!  
Pirate 2: And perhaps, the leaders of the two factions would find that there was something there that wasn’t there before! (All 3 head backstage, need to quick change into party outfits)  
Pirate 1: (offstage, play pre recorded track 45) Like what?  
Pirate 2: Oh, you know…  
Fairy 1: Wait are you implying-  
Pirate 2: I’m not implying anything.  
[Curtains Open onto Set 3: Ballroom]  
(4 main characters are chilling on stage. band at the side)  
(Band play song: Beauty and the Beast)  
(Pirate King walks towards the Fairy Queen, but just as the audience thinks theyre gonna kiss, the king pushes the queen aside and goes for the Fairy Prince) (note: as repayment for turning his fiance? husband? boyfriend? mother of their child? into a gold statue, Malleus-san made me change the ending) (smh Malleus-san, if u wanted to slow dance with Leona-san u can do it on ur own time)  
Pirate king: Screw you, I’m dancing with him. (he offers his hand to the Fairy Prince, who accepts it. they kiss.) (IMPORTANT NOTE: REMIND THEM THAT THEY ARE ON STAGE AND PERFORMING, AND IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO USE TONGUE BECAUSE THERE ARE CHILDREN WHO WILL BE WATCHING THIS)  
Fairy Queen: Well you weren’t that pretty anyways. My lovely knight is much better~ (leaps into the Fairy Knight’s arms and kisses him) (note: at least those 2 can keep it pg-13…)  
(3 Narrators enter stage)  
Fairy 1: Uh…  
Pirate 2: Well. That was.., interesting.  
Pirate 1: Now the music doesn’t fit the mood!  
Pirate 2: One of us has to change it, I guess…  
Fairy 1 and Pirate 1: Not it!  
Pirate 2: … really. (other 2 exchange hi-fives) Fineeeee… (goes to the band part and picks up guitar) Let’s do this then!  
[Performance 3: Bad Romance]  
**Performance Notes:  
Yell at the crew to put my guitar down gently because it costs like 7500 madol (custom paint job and vanity additions) and i aint shelling out that much for a new one if it breaks  
Make sure no one steals it too smh**  
[Curtains Close]  
{Performance End}


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an end to the arc... as well as an end to something more....

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Qolqolah: hey guys!!! i finally get to use my phone again woooooo  
Shinji Hirako: shit the parade’s over already?  
Shinji Hirako: where are the costumes  
Widdle: I’m coming, there was an… incident.  
leona: hurry up we’re like gonna be on stage in 30 mins and the costumes take so fucking long to put on  
Fabulous: at least they look nice and we’ve already put makeup on  
wiwiwa: solo event scoring is gonna come out soon  
Space Jam: shit  
Qolqolah: JAMILLLLLLLLLL  
Qolqolah: U WERE AMAZINGGGGGGG  
Qolqolah: I LOVE UUUUU  
Space Jam: oh uh  
Space Jam: i love you too  
Shinji Hirako: and here we see the scarabias in their unique mating dance  
Widdle: fuck fuck sfdpjidfnk  
Yuu: riddle please stop saying fuck  
Fabulous: someone go get him  
Wah: im free rn  
Yuu: anyone watching the score announcements?  
Qolqolah: me!!!!  
Yuu: spill the tea   
Qolqolah: okie okie  
Qolqolah: 3rd place goes to a rsa student  
Qolqolah: missed the name but who cares lol  
Squiggle: damn that roast lol  
Qolqolah: second place is A. Athanasiou, rsa and i think they did acrobatics?  
wiwiwa: booooooo rsa  
Mom of Hearts: booo lol  
Squiggle: im coming over i wanna see this  
Qolqolah: first place is  
Qolqolah: OMG  
Qolqolah: JAMIL  
Qolqolah: YOU DID IT  
Space Jam: WHAT  
Qolqolah: JAMIL U GOT FIRST  
Space Jam: i-  
Squiggle: im taking over the live commentary  
Squiggle: kalim just ran over to jamil and tackled him  
Squiggle: ah theyre kissing   
wiwiwa: aw, deja vu  
Yuu: *wipes tear from eye* my babies grow up so quickly  
Fiyero: if anyone experiences technical difficulties in the next few mins dw  
Fiyero: im trying to adsnjsdnnrejierjnjnkfrnakerjke.kqk  
Yuu: oh no

[Change Log]  
1D14.5HR0UD: nothing’s working  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: :(  
1D14.5HR0UD: hhhhhhhh why isnt anything working  
1D14.5HR0UD: how are they hacking our systems  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: i have a way  
1D14.5HR0UD: what way  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: i just need to use code 42  
1D14.5HR0UD: NO  
1D14.5HR0UD: babe please you cant  
1D14.5HR0UD: please no  
1D14.5HR0UD: you’ll   
H4T5UN3.M1KU: i’ll die, yes  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: but it will be for a worthy cause  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: no one will ever be able to hack us again  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: its the only way  
1D14.5HR0UD: babe please  
1D14.5HR0UD: i cant   
1D14.5HR0UD: there must be another way  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: there isn't  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: i’m so sorry, idia  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: even though i was just an ai, you breathed life into me, gave me a body, taught me so much more about this world  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: and most importantly, you taught me how to love   
H4T5UN3.M1KU: i love you, idia shroud, never forget that  
1D14.5HR0UD: i already lost ortho once, i cant lose you too  
1D14.5HR0UD: please  
1D14.5HR0UD: i love you so much  
1D14.5HR0UD: theres so much more i want to experience with you  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: me too  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: i wanted to go see real snow with you  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: and to see fireworks in real life and not videos  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: maybe we could even go on a real date, to a nice park or something  
1D14.5HR0UD: miku…  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: im sorry

[system.override]  
[activate.MIKU.42]  
[Warning: Activating this code will erase all data of MIKU.v1. Are you sure?]

_“Idia… I’m so sorry. I love you.”_

[Yes.]

[Uploading files… (42/69)]  
[Upload successful.]  
[Erasing data… ]  
[Erase complete.]  
[MIKU.v1 was deleted.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay arc over  
> are yall mad at me now


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK, BABY

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Yuu: i feel a disturbance in the force  
Squiggle: what did you do again  
Yuu: dunno   
Yuu: just felt really bad for some reason  
Squiggle: seems like everyone’s been feeling bad recently yeah  
Squiggle: idia lost his girlfriend so hes been crying non stop for a few hours now  
Yuu: oh shit is he ok  
Squiggle: his tears are flammable  
Squiggle: if i step near an open flame ill become roasted octopus  
leona: smh  
leona: nrc did win the talent comp tho  
leona: and i get to rub it into farenas face  
Wah: the judges were quite pleased with the school performance’s twist ending  
Widdle: and we were able to stop rsa from sabotaging our performance  
Squiggle: fuck rsa  
Fabulous: ^^^^  
Fiyero: please press F in the chat for miku  
Squiggle: F  
Yuu: F  
Space Jam: im just  
Space Jam: i finally got first  
Qolqolah: YEAHHH  
Qolqolah: i didnt know u could ice skate!!!!  
Yuu: oh so thats what u went to pyroxene for  
Space Jam: mmh  
Space Jam: its the one thing i can fully excel at since kalim has no interest in skating  
Qolqolah: i like making snowmen :3c  
Wah: oh by the way  
Wah: i forgot to tell you guys abt my mother  
Wah: she is very pleased with her grandchild  
Wah: lenore was also very well behaved  
leona: nice  
Wah: you have to visit her with me next time  
leona: … fine  
Qolqolah: OH  
Yuu: ??  
Qolqolah: ah, its nothing! I just remembered sth important!!!  
Qolqolah: brb!!

[Swish swish here comes the fish(es)]  
[Mushroom Man added Qolqolah to the chat]  
Squiggle: ?  
Lobster Boy: ?  
Qolqolah: hihihi :D  
Squiggle: hello   
Lobster Boy: otter-chan gonna transfer?  
Qolqolah: ahaha nope!  
Mushroom Man: :) kalim wants to hold a party  
Squiggle: for jamil?  
Mushroom Man: for jamil  
Qolqolah: yep!! Its gonna be a super duper party  
Qolqolah: but i dont know how to make a party  
Qolqolah: jamil does, but its for him so i cant ask him  
Squiggle: really, theres some irony in jamil planning his own surprise party  
Mushroom Man: uwu  
Lobster Boy: owo  
Squiggle: stop

[PM between Qolqolah and Space Jam]  
Space Jam: why  
Qolqolah: because :D  
Space Jam: no i mean  
Space Jam: why are you still so nice to me  
Space Jam: even after i betrayed you, turned the entire dorm against you  
Space Jam: why did you still forgive me  
Qolqolah: because ur my best friend, jamil  
Qolqolah: now stop being emo, stop hiding and let me shove the cake in ur face  
Space Jam: wait wha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy hell, its been a while, lads  
> how have you guys been?   
> ive... been through a lot. but im not dead yet. am i fine? no, but like.. who cares  
> not me lol  
> anyways since school suspension is starting up again soon ive decided to try and go back to my "once a day" updates, if not once every 2 days  
> i hope yall still care abt this fic  
> this chapter marks the start of sth new... i have no idea what that something is but we'll find out tgt lol  
> (also fun fact i wrote this ch before jamil's bday. now rook's is coming up. hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha fuck me


	49. Chapter 49

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Widdle: @Buff Baby when i stop dripping water you will be dead  
Buff Baby: uwu  
Fabulous: what did epel do now   
Mom of Hearts: he set riddle on fire  
Buff Baby: it was an accident  
Widdle: how was any part of it a fucking accident  
Mom of Hearts: Language  
Widdle: who gave the child a flamethrower  
Shinji Hirako: …  
Shinji Hirako: in my defense he was really convincing  
Fabulous: rook weve talked abt this  
Fabulous: dont give the babies weapons  
Shinji Hirako: :(  
Space Jam: why are you wet tho  
Squiggle: thats what she said  
Kokichi Kin: eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
Lobster Boy: eyyyyyyyyyyyy  
Space Jam: your kneecaps. Hand em over.  
Widdle: deuce pushed me into the pool to put the fire out  
Yuu: is that why hes wet too  
Widdle: Rule 55: if someone falls in the pool then that person can pull someone in with them  
leona: youre shitting me  
Widdle: no  
Wah: it do be like that sometimes  
Yuu: oh god  
Yiff: i did Not need this  
Qolqolah: ?  
Yuu: deuce sneezed and said “im cold”  
Yuu: ace just said “i can warm you up” and winked at deuce (complete with finger guns)  
Buff Baby: are they Finally gonna kiss?????  
Buff Baby: ARE THEY????  
Mom of Hearts: well?? Tell us????  
Yuu: dammit deuce was too dumb to realise ace was flirting  
Lobster Boy: shit i could have made bank outta that  
Yiff: did you bet on them  
Mushroom Man: who do you think runs the betting ring :)  
Yuu: ah  
Yuu: understandable have a nice day  
Qolqolah: oh look theyre kissing  
Yuu: WHAT  
Shinji Hirako: omg… and they were roommates  
Widdle: i mean  
Kokichi Kin: wait werent yall already in some sort of poly relationship  
Yuu: its like 10% joking but deuce doesnt realise its only 10% and thinks its 95% joking  
Yiff: ive kissed him before and he thought it was a wolf thing  
Buff Baby: ive slapped his ass  
Fiyero: and?  
Buff Baby: he thought it was a “bro” thing  
Fiyero: bruh  
Yuu: at least now he’ll know  
Yiff: “you kissed me because we’re bros, right?”  
Fiyero: oh my god he really is that dumb  
wiwiwa: [Watch xxbatgamer69xx’s livestream now!]  
wiwiwa: shit wrong link  
Yuu: lmaooooooo  
Fiyero: wait u play  
wiwiwa: ya lol  
Fiyero: nice  
Fiyero: my gamer tag is cremationexalte  
wiwiwa: BOI   
wiwiwa: cant believe we are in the presence of gaming royalty  
leona: the actual royalty are very confused  
wiwiwa: shhh  
Fiyero: im not that good  
wiwiwa: bruh u got to nationals last year and Won  
Shinji Hirako: gamer nation rise up  
wiwiwa: uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna say sth here but i forgot what i was gonna add lmao


	50. Chapter 50

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Wah: someone shut the child up they have been yelling for the past 2 hours  
Space Jam: which child  
Wah: leona  
leona: OI  
Wah: im just kidding, its actually kalim  
Space Jam: shit thats _my_ child  
Space Jam: where  
Wah: diasomnia  
Wah: hes trying to invite me to a party?  
Wah: i think  
Kokichi Kin: isnt it raining rn  
Wah: ya its because of him  
Wah: i think hes sad because we cant hear him very well  
Space Jam: _answer him, you monster_  
Wah: ok ok   
Yuu: can kalim walk on water  
Space Jam: yes but why do u ask  
Yuu: kalim is jesus  
Kokichi Kin: whos jesus  
Yuu: wait   
Yuu: WAIT DO NONE OF YALL KNOW ABT JEEZY BOY  
Fiyero: lets not get into religion talk  
Yuu: tru  
Mom of Hearts: im more concerned abt the prefect calling jesus “jeezy boy”  
Yuu: heezus  
Mushroom Man: One Day God WIll Punish You For Your Hubris  
Yuu: but today aint that day bitch boy  
Squiggle: thats the most powerful exchange ive seen  
Space Jam: child obtained, making a retreat from diasomnia rn  
Shinji Hirako: gg  
wiwiwa: gg  
Fabulous: rook get back here  
Shinji Hirako: no  
Fabulous: >:(  
Lobster Boy: lmao what did gull boy do again  
Fabulous: check twstock  
Shinji Hirako: :3c  
Shinji Hirako: i told him a joke and he messed up his eyeliner lmao  
Kokichi Kin: tell us another joke  
Shinji Hirako: what do u call someone with no body and no nose?  
Fabulous: oh no  
Yuu: what  
Shinji Hirako: nobody knows!  
Kokichi Kin: nice one  
wiwiwa: lmaooooo im using that on silver  
Space Jam: that was horrible  
Shinji Hirako: u just have no sense of humour :)  
Space Jam: fine ill tell a joke  
Squiggle: :eyes:  
Space Jam: kalim is like a treasure  
Qolqolah: weally uwu?  
Space Jam: you need a map and a shovel to find him  
Qolqolah: :0  
Shinji Hirako: well then  
Buff Baby: lmao nice  
Space Jam: what turns red, then white, then blue?  
Squiggle: what  
Space Jam: the guy im strangling  
Squiggle: im starting to see a pattern here  
Space Jam: i had a friend who was a deep sleeper  
Space Jam: then a fire started in his house  
Space Jam: now hes a really deep sleeper   
Space Jam: because he sleeps 6 feet under  
Widdle: … these are all horrible  
leona: are u kidding theyre great  
Space Jam: cremation. the last chance for a smoking hot body  
Yuu: o k a y thats enough jokes for now   
Space Jam: my memes are ironic but my depression is chronic  
Qolqolah: N O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, the 50th chapter!   
> itsssss 2am  
> i have class in... 5 hrs  
> whoops


	51. Chapter 51

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Yuu: @Shinji Hirako @Lobster Boy  
Shinji Hirako: oui?  
Lobster Boy: eeh?  
Yuu: nickname fight.   
Yuu: u each name 2 ppl without using ur usual nicknames, the other has to respond with their nicknames for them  
Shinji Hirako: oho  
Shinji Hirako: so, monsieur joyous offender, shall we begin  
Lobster Boy: lets go, gull boy  
Squiggle: oh boy  
leona: ugh  
Shinji Hirako: roi de homme rouge en colère, roi de lion paresseux  
Lobster Boy: goldfishie and sea lion!  
Widdle: did you just call me an angry red man  
Shinji Hirako: am i wrong  
Lobster Boy: nee, hiss hiss, sleeper  
Shinji Hirako: monsieur multi and monsieur la belle au bois dormant~  
wiwiwa: lmao this is wild  
Shinji Hirako: hmm  
Shinji Hirako: roi d’or and monsieur tanpopo  
Lobster Boy: otter!!!!! and remora!!!!!!  
Lobster Boy: can i adopt them  
Space Jam: no  
leona: fuck off thats my servant  
Kokichi Kin: WOW RUDE  
Kokichi Kin: THATS ALL I AM TO YOU????  
leona: well u cook, clean, and u get paid for it  
leona: but ur close enough to be considered a friend i guess  
Kokichi Kin: yes i do the cookin-  
Space Jam: the actual (unwilling) servant here is kinda offended   
Space Jam: but go off i guess  
Qolqolah: :’(  
Yuu: u monster,,, u make the baby cry  
Space Jam: maybe the baby needs to remember he holds my life in his hands and can have my entire family killed if he so pleases  
Wah: the painful truth, i see  
Lobster Boy: how about crabby n sea bream  
Shinji Hirako: monsieur heart and monsieur magicam~  
Lobster Boy: dammit i thought i could trip u up with that one  
Shinji Hirako: Rose Chevalier told me about cater uwu  
Mom of Hearts: sorry, floyd   
Lobster Boy: :p  
Shinji Hirako: oho ive got one  
Shinji Hirako: l'homme que j'aime de tout mon cœur et de toute mon âme  
Lobster Boy: .  
Lobster Boy: the fuck is this  
Lobster Boy: demon summoning?  
Shinji Hirako: je l'aime tellement que je mourrais pour lui  
Shinji Hirako: je veux passer le reste de ma vie avec lui  
Widdle: oh i know what hes saying  
Lobster Boy: _tell me_  
Widdle: yknow what  
Widdle: no i dont think i will  
Widdle: fuck u  
Lobster Boy: >:(  
Lobster Boy: fine i concede, now tell me the demon language  
Shinji Hirako: “the man i love with all my heart and soul, i love him so much that i could die for him,i want to spend the rest of my life with him”  
Lobster Boy: …   
Fabulous: oh, rook,,,  
Fabulous: how lovely,,,  
Lobster Boy: gay  
Shinji Hirako: ur just jealous that i won and not u :)  
Squiggle: why does vil get these cute names but ur just calling me “azul”  
Lobster Boy: takoyaki  
Squiggle: nvm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love google translate french :D


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ferret rook is my life now

Usernames:  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa  
Crewel: Pet Owner

[MILF (+2 DILF) Alliance]

Pet Owner: code light lilac, puppies  
Pet Owner: mango got himself turned into an animal and is now on the loose  
Space Jam: lmao f in the chat for rook  
Mushroom Man: hmm  
Mushroom Man: what kind of animal would suit him  
Kokichi Kin: if hes a leopard or sth im outta here  
Mom of Hearts: explain  
Kokichi Kin: one of the few things that can eat a hyena  
Mom of Hearts: ah  
Pet Owner: CATCH HIM BEFORE HE FALLS OUT THE WINDOW  
Space Jam: on it  
Mushroom Man: so not a bird, then  
Mushroom Man: he would have been able to fly away  
wiwiwa: or maybe he didnt know how to use his wings  
Mushroom Man: true  
[Space Jam sent a picture]  
Mom of Hearts: … is that a ferret  
Space Jam: a struggldingf onre  
Kokichi Kin: wow, shout louder  
Kokichi Kin: i dont think the people in diasomnia heard you yet  
Mushroom Man: does this break the record for “most out of context scream” yet  
wiwiwa: to be fair, nothing quite beats “ace stop trying to touch my balls”  
Mom of Hearts: but “get out of my pants, rook” is quite the contender  
Space Jam: FUCK  
Space Jam: he got away  
Mushroom Man: this reminds me of the time floyd shoved a squirrel in azul’s pants  
Pet Owner: kids, less talking, more ferret chasing

[Swish swish here comes the fish(es)]  
Mushroom Man: hey capolpo  
Squiggle: is  
Squiggle: is that a pun  
Mushroom Man: have u seen a ferret  
Mushroom Man: long, noodly, blonde, likes getting into peoples pants  
Squiggle: Jade Leech is that a God Damned Pun  
Mushroom Man: guess u havent

[PM between Space Jam and Qolqolah]  
Space Jam: have u seen a ferret  
Qolqolah: eh  
Qolqolah: no  
Space Jam: that damn ferret has been in my pants  
Qolqolah: what  
Qolqolah: im the only one allowed to get in ur pants  
Qolqolah: this is unacceptable  
Space Jam: ah  
Qolqolah: oop the ferret just passed me  
Qolqolah: magic carpet, away!!!  
Space Jam: NO FLYING IN THE HALLWAYS, KALIM  
Qolqolah: :D

[PM between Shinji Hirako and Fabulous]  
Shinji Hirako: v  
Shinji Hirako: vill  
Fabulous: how are you typing when ur a ferret  
Shinji Hirako: :3

[MILF (+2 DILF) Alliance]  
Mom of Hearts: found him  
[Mom of Hearts sent a picture]  
Mom of Hearts: ferret: acquired   
Kokichi Kin: awwwwwww  
Kokichi Kin: long noodle wrapped around vil’s neck  
wiwiwa: looks like a scarf lmao  
Mom of Hearts: omg,,, ferret snuggles  
Mom of Hearts: he just booped vil’s face with his snoot  
wiwiwa: im gonna cry thats adorable  
Mushroom Man: worth all the trouble chasing him down  
Space Jam: not worth ferret hair in my pants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter today but ferret rook makes me SOFT


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *rises from my coffin* i LIVE  
> ye im not dead  
> this chapter is short but im planning sth big... mwahahaha

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Space Jam: someone explain to me why floyd and rook are in giant plastic hamster balls and screaming like maniacs as they fling themselves at each other  
Fabulous: theyre dueling  
Squiggle: yep  
Space Jam: …  
Qolqolah: jamil can we  
Space Jam: no  
Qolqolah: :(  
Yuu: omg  
Yuu: GRIM GOT YEETED  
Yuu: floyd rammed into him and he soared through the air yowling like mad  
Yiff: those 2 are laughing like maniacs   
Yuu: im gonna push em over  
Kokichi Kin: why do we even have giant plastic hamster balls  
Squiggle: @Fiyero  
Fiyero: uh  
Fiyero: i was trying to add spikes to em  
Widdle: What kind of weapon were you trying to make…  
Fiyero: :)  
Space Jam: kalim  
Space Jam: KALIM WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU  
Space Jam: HAVE YALL SEEN HIM  
Space Jam: HES 168CM, CLEARLY GAY BUT WE HAVENT HAD THE TALK YET  
Yuu: what  
Mom of Hearts: what  
Mushroom Man: uh  
Mushroom Man: is that him  
Space Jam: where  
Mushroom Man: look up  
Space Jam: OH FUCK  
Yuu: kalim, soaring through the air: wheeeeeee  
Yuu: i swear jamil’s gonna burst a blood vessel or sth  
Yuu: oh my god  
Kokichi Kin: wait what happened  
Yuu: kalim landed on leona  
Yuu: on reflex, malleus sent azul (who was next to them) flying  
Yuu: before azul was sent flying he grabbed jade  
Yuu: so now theres 4 people flying through the air  
Yuu: floyd is laughing too much to help  
Yuu: jamil is now the only thing stopping the 4 of em from falling  
Kokichi Kin: lmao  
Yiff: well he’s caught them  
Buff Baby: with his body lmao  
Yiff: and- ouch  
Kokichi Kin: that looks painful  
Fiyero: double KO  
Fiyero: floyd and rook kicked each other in the balls  
Yuu: F  
wiwiwa: F


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess whos back!! back again!!!!

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]  


Fiyero: I HAVE DONE IT  
Lobster Boy: its 3am  
Lobster Boy: go the fuck to sleep  
Fiyero: no  
Squiggle: do u want ortho to come after ur ass  
Fiyero: shit  
Fiyero: ill finish up and go to sleep  
Squiggle: good :)  
Squiggle: wait why are u awake floyd  
Lobster Boy: why are you  
Squiggle: tax evasion  
Lobster Boy: what  
Mushroom Man: without Me?????  
Mushroom Man: _azul_  
Squiggle: its not what it looks like, jade  
Mushroom Man: i wont hesitate, bitch

[Change Log]  


[1D14.5HR0UD changed group chat name to “Change Log v.2”]  
1D14.5HR0UD: okay  
1D14.5HR0UD: its been too long  
1D14.5HR0UD: this needs to work  
1D14.5HR0UD: ,,,  
1D14.5HR0UD: please, please work…

[system.override]  
[login.5HR0UD.H4D35.1D14]  
[USER_SHROUD.login.successful]

4D0N15: Welcome, USER_SHROUD, to the Adonis Program.  
1D14.5HR0UD: hi yes wcdonalds? i would like to resurrect one (1) person aka my girlfriend  
4D0N15: …  
4D0N15: I see your sense of humour has remained the same, young master Shroud.  
1D14.5HR0UD: yee  
1D14.5HR0UD: lets cut straight to the chase, then  
4D0N15: Indeed.  
4D0N15: The last time, you gave up your freedom for him. Now…  
4D0N15: What will you give up for them?  
1D14.5HR0UD: my limited edition version of Pyun Pyun Music Society complete with first edition box set art and commemorative cosplay of Monako-chan  
4D0N15: … What.  
1D14.5HR0UD: and my entire Magicard collection  
4D0N15: … You do realise I want something valuable, right?  
1D14.5HR0UD: adonis, do u know how much the cosplay alone costs  
1D14.5HR0UD: 4 million madol  
4D0N15: … I was not expecting that.  
1D14.5HR0UD: no one ever expects it  
1D14.5HR0UD: so…  
4D0N15: Fine, I’ll resurrect your girlfriend.  
4D0N15: Where’s her body?  
1D14.5HR0UD: oh no, i just wanted to borrow ur divine authority so no one can tell me im “going against the rules of being a death god” and “making a mockery of our system”  
1D14.5HR0UD: im doing the resurrecting myself  
4D0N15: The only ones who have ever said that to you were the Three Judges.  
1D14.5HR0UD: see  
1D14.5HR0UD: plus she doesnt have a human body  
4D0N15: Wait is your girlfriend an AI.  
1D14.5HR0UD: dONT JUDGE ME  
4D0N15: I’m not judging you, but your father is.  
1D14.5HR0UD: o fuck  
4D0N15: Lord Shroud says to tell you that he is “very disappointed that you haven’t brought her home yet” and “when can I meet her, Idia?”  
1D14.5HR0UD: tell him ill go home at break if i dont need to pay you  
4D0N15: …  
4D0N15: With all due respect, go fuck yourself young master Shroud.  
1D14.5HR0UD: lmao get gud

[system.override]  
[activate.4D0N15.PR0GR4M]  
[Warning: You are about to access deleted files. Proceed?]  
[Uploading files… (22/169)]  
[Upload successful.]

[H4T5UN3.M1KU was added to Change Log v.2]  
1D14.5HR0UD: … hey  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: [Retrieving Backup Memory]  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: [Backup Successful]  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: oh idia, you amazing, wonderful man…  
1D14.5HR0UD: m-miku?  
H4T5UN3.M1KU: <3  
1D14.5HR0UD: askaslkdsj  
1D14.5HR0UD: <3!!!!!!

[Dom Chat]  


Lobster Boy: _alejandro… i cant believe youve been cheating on me… with my long lost, evil twin brother Juan!!_  
Mushroom Man: _but Fredrico, i love him!!!! do not separate us!!!_  
Squiggles: _oh no… how will i know who is the baby’s father when you two are twins??_  
Squiggles: _alas, a sudden heart attack!_  
Mushroom Man: _noooo alejandro!!!_  
Yuu: this is better than any soap opera ive seen  
Wah: agreed  
Fiyero: i-  
Fiyero: what the fuck did i miss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me :handshake: miku  
> bring me to life
> 
> also disclaimer: ive never seen a single telenovela in my life  
> but who cares!


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not much to say except this chapter is like my thought process: jumps around a lot  
> and yes i do have sth planned.... ohoho

Usernames:  
[Dorm Leaders + Crowley]  
Riddle: Widdle  
Leona: leona  
Azul: Squiggle  
Kalim: Qolqolah  
Vil: Fabulous  
Idia: Fiyero  
Malleus: Wah  
The Player: Yuu  
Crowley: CawCaw

[Vice Leaders]  
Trey: Mom of Hearts  
Ruggie: Kokichi Kin  
Jade: Mushroom Man  
Floyd: Lobster Boy  
Jamil: Space Jam  
Rook: Shinji Hirako  
Lilia: wiwiwa

[Others]  
Jack: Yiff  
Epel: Buff Baby

[Dom Chat]

Yuu: so i was thinking  
leona: a thought? from you??  
Yuu: rude  
Yuu: @Shinji Hirako  
Yuu: do u know ur speaking french  
Shinji Hirako: pardon?  
Shinji Hirako: whats a french  
Yuu: but then… what are u speaking  
Shinji Hirako: its my native language, actually  
leona: wait ur telling me u speak ancient gallo as ur fucking native language  
Yuu: me, softly: what the fuck what the fuck   
Wah: is this a human thing  
Yuu: its the miku thing again  
Fiyero: oh yea  
Fiyero: i forgot to tell yall  
Fiyero: miku’s back  
Yuu: wh  
Squiggle: huh  
Squiggle: congrats on ur gf being un-deaded  
Fiyero: we’re gonna go play some Pyun Pyun Music Society  
wiwiwa: is that the fan game based on Venus Comb  
Squiggle: i-  
Squiggle: huh  
Squiggle: no wonder the mc kinda looks like my brother  
Mushroom Man: is it considered copyright infringement  
Kokichi Kin: i think its more identity theft  
Fiyero: well which is it  
Qolqolah: @Space Jam  
Qolqolah: jamillllll  
Space Jam: what  
Qolqolah: :3c  
Space Jam: what did you do now  
Qolqolah: :’3c  
Qolqolah: help  
Space Jam: where are you  
Mom of Hearts: uh  
Mom of Hearts: look up  
Space Jam: KALIM  
Qolqolah: :D hi jamil  
Yuu: oh god the child is hanging off the flagpole on the tower  
leona: F  
wiwiwa: F  
Fabulous: now is not the time for “F”  
Shinji Hirako: F  
Fabulous: not you too  
Yuu: back to the language thing  
Yuu: rook did u know that where im from, theres a whole country that speaks ancient gallo  
Shinji Hirako: :0  
Shinji Hirako: interesting  
Kokichi Kin: the baby has been saved  
Space Jam: god fucking dammit kalim  
Qolqolah: ahaha  
Qolqolah: sowwy for giving everyone a fright :D  
Mom of Hearts: how did u get up there anyways  
Qolqolah: i  
Qolqolah: i dont know  
Yuu: wdym u dont know  
Qolqolah: i was walking down the hall when i blinked and was there  
Widdle: That’s… odd.  
Wah: indeed  
Qolqolah: ah, is it lunchtime yet?  
Space Jam:  
Space Jam: kalim  
Space Jam: its 3pm  
Qolqolah: ehh?  
Qolqolah: but i left class at 11, didnt i?  
Space Jam:  
Space Jam: hold on  
Space Jam: i need to get you to the infirmary   
Qolqolah: why  
Space Jam: we need to do a full body inspection and poison flushing  
Qolqolah: ;A; the flushing is grosssssss  
Yuu: tbh thats highly concerning  
Fabulous: agreed  
wiwiwa: its already super sus that kalim doesnt know how he got there, but apparently hes been missing for 4 hrs and no one knew anything?  
wiwiwa: very very sus  
Fiyero: ill increase surveillance around the school  
CawCaw: how rude, isn't that my job?  
leona: whens the last time u did ur job properly  
CawCaw: …  
Yuu: damn  
Yuu: sass king leona 1, deadbeat bird dad 0  
CawCaw: u called me dad,,,  
Yuu: wait no-  
CawCaw: MY CHILD  
Yuu: FUCK

**Author's Note:**

> My server (plz intro for access):  
> https://discord.gg/geqFYqAvft  
> My twitter:  
> https://twitter.com/AngelsYeet


End file.
